Just wondering how much would you charge your 18 year old for rent

[mumofoneadult]

So my dad is 18 I told her she should be paying 300 per month. She did for two months and then said it was too high and can she reduce to 200 I agreed and said but she needs to do some cleaning round the house.

Dd is very lazy and doesn’t think she should have to hoover or clean the bathroom or any cleaning as I’m the mum. So for the last month she paid 200 and did not help atall. The only thing she does is wash her dishes after she cooks, but never wipes the sides or the kitchen sink.

I have told her she will need to pay the 300 as she won’t help, she point blank refuses.

her bedroom is an absolute tip and I’m always telling her to clean it but now she says as she pauses rent she can have her room joe she likes )it has always been a mess even before she paid anything).

so while refusing to pay the amount I set as it’s extortionate, she has also booked to get a tattoo that cost 500.

I just feel like she is being unreasonable but she thinks I am.

I still pay for all her toiletries and food and buy items of food for her that I don’t eat, I don’t think she has any idea how those things mount up.

so just wondering what others dcs of this age pay and what is reasonable.

I think I am also more bothered about her attitude of not doing any house work and expecting me to do it all and then refusing to pay what I said. Even if she didn’t pay any rent but was helpful and didnt cause me to do extra cleaning I would be happier.

I think you should ask her to move out into a house share.

I think rent depends on

1. If they are still in full time education
2. How much they are earning
3. How much you need the money

I would not have linked cleaning to money, and I would suggest unlinking it asap. She does chores because she lives in the house; not because she gets paid for them.

I charged my DC £400 a month when he got a full time apprenticeship at 18; it was a bit less than a third of his salary. I didn't charge him anything when he was still at school and working part time.

Agree with PP, with that attitude, I’d advise her to look elsewhere.
My DCs pay £250 each and share the cleaning/do their own washing/share cooking. I want them to be functioning adults when they eventually do move out.
I save the money for them for when they do move out, but they don’t know this.

@EvangelicalAboutButteredToastshe keeps saying she is moving out but that’s because I moan at her all the time and tell her to clean up after herself and clean her room 🤣

My view was that I wouldn’t charge them anything until they were working full time, though in my case I knew that would be happening pretty soon which it did. If ds had stayed at home for his current job he would have been paying a lot in transport costs but also earning a fair whack.

I do think 300 is a reasonable amount to charge but I also think 18 is young, and clearly she’s very immature, so 200 was a reasonable compromise. What is she doing, is she working?

Id say if she’s working then just keep nagging about the 200 until it is less trouble for her to pay it than to keep refusing. And I would do a monthly hygiene sweep through of her room where you clear the floor and remove mugs/plates, putting everything of hers on the floor into black bags, otherwise leave her to it.

If she’s not working I might come up with a different plan.

Is she working and if so what does she earn?

I charge 0 and always will, but they clean, cook and do other chores.

Surely it depends on what she earns?

She keeps saying she’s going to move out, but knows how easy she has it so she won’t. That’s why you need to be tough - tell her she has to pay £300 a month or she finds something else. She won’t find anything on the open market that cheap. I’m assuming she’s working.

She’s taking the piss because you’re letting her.

It doesn't sound great. Moaning and resentment all round? Perhaps have a chat, not being negative, just about what's going on in the family home and see where you go from there?

@Slightlyheadyi don’t know how much she earns.

she wasn’t looking for a job for ages and only had a part time job one day a week and she was getting 280 a month (I didn’t ask for any rent then) but i did tell her expect her to pay 300 per month so she needs to get another job so she can afford it.

she got another job and quit (they were really horrible there) but then sat around not looking for another job after for ages - well she did look but might only apply for a couple of jobs every couple of weeks.

so when she was in that job she paid the 300 rent for two months. And because she wasn’t really looking for a job I said tough you need to pay rent (in order to try to force her to work)

now she has a new job so I said rent is 300 as I let you reduce it to 200 but you didn’t help around the house as agreed. She works 3-5 days per week at the moment and told me she won’t tell me how much she earns but she has booked to have a 500 tattoo 🤔

I'm sure that you'll have had a conversation about costs and budgeting - was she up to speed on that?
Is the £500 from savings?

We’ve never charged ours anything but they’re expected to buy their own toiletries and some food, and help with the housework.

How much does she earn?

I wouldn't charge anythiing to an 18 year old in full time education. However, if she's working and you need the money then work out her share of bills. So, if there are e.g. 4 people in the house then she pays 1/4 of the following bills: electricity, gas, council tax, water, landline/wifi, TV licence, Netflix/Disney/Prime/Sky subscriptions, cleaner, window cleaner, gardener plus 1/4 of household food costs. Probably if you rent 1/4 of that as well but don't make her pay for your mortgage if you have one. And if she complains remind her she'd have to pay for all that in University accomodation if she'd gone there.

@Slightlyheady

we do talk, but it was during the conversation where I said she needs to pay 300 and she said that’s extortionate and I asked what she earns as she can afford a tattoo for 500 but can’t afford 300 rent. She said she won’t tell me how much she earns

I think the issue is not about how much rent she pays, it's the general relationship, responsibilities, and expectations.

You'd like her to be a functional member of society that either works full time or studies full time. This is great.

Have you tried sitting down with her and having a conversation about careers? Or about the job application process, and the requirement to be persistent? Have you helped her tweak her CV so that she is putting her best foot forward and has a higher chance of success? Have you spoken to her about salary expectations and budgeting?

I would be starting there, getting her looking forward with the tools she needs, and being grounded in reality, and then using the stick (punitive rent) later if that all falls on deaf ears.

@FruAashild

she is working and I do need the money tbh and it’s only the two of us at home. And I rent.

I wouldn't charge them unless I was desperate, I would want them to save as much as possible.

I wonder if you could just stop the rent conversation for the moment (unless you genuinely can't afford to support her). I agree with pp that this is about communication. You need to break past the resentment and try to have a conversation about how she's doing, any plans, anything she needs support with, etc.
Perhaps then about household responsibilities?
Perhaps she's struggling in some way.

@RhododendronFlowers

as she has been in and out of work (and not applying for Many jobs) when she gets paid she seem to just spend her money on wherever she wants and not worry about budgeting. I have spoken to her about this. And no the 500 is not from saving, she has booked it for next month so seems like she is going to spend a good chunk of her wages on it.

@FrauPaige

this is exactly what I’ve told her, I want her to be a functioning adult and that is why I expect her to have a clean room and to help around the house with general cleaning, because 1 - she needs to know to to clean for her own benefit and 2 - I don’t want to clean up after an 18 year old who should be able to do it herself

also on the job side, she is waiting to get into a certain sector and this takes a long time but it has been in progress for some time so she has a career path, it’s just in the meantime she wasn’t too fussed on working

Those who charge zero just be aware that will be of absolutely no help whatsoever to them in the real world. The lessons you learn from ‘paying for your keep’ as it were, are far more beneficial than mummy and daddy just funding everything.