Not sure what to do with 27 year old son

[Paddington1234]

He's lost. He just spent a month in prison on remand and then was discharged to me. He was great for the first couple of weeks but has taken to driving to the nearest city on a Thursday, Nobody knows where he stays. He tells me he is working and doing quotes ( he's a gardener), but yesterday I found out that the person he told me he was staying with hasn't seen him for months.Tomorrow he has to do community service and is expected at 8am ( southern hemisphere). All I've had is one call from him a few hours ago and him hanging up. Now nothing. He refuses to tell me where he is. He is driving our ute. I have insurance to get him straight into a private facility for detox and psychiatric help but he refuses. His siblings are giving him the ( we don't want an ice addict in our house so count us out of your life unless you go to rehab speech). He has nowhere else to live except with me. I don't know what to do.

If he doesn't turn up tomorrow I think he will go straight back to prison.

It's a fucking disaster but he doesn't seem to care.
Only thin I can think of is list the vehicle as stolen but he's probably still got drugs in his system so that would be straight back to prison.
What a fecking shitshow.
Oh and it was breach of AVO ( no violence , but harassment) that was the charge.
ETA harassment via phone msgs.

I'm sorry, but I think you must report him missing with your vehicle. You cannot try and control the outcome and you are not responsible. Getting picked up might save his life. This must be tearing your heart out. I'm sorry. 💐💔

I'm going to give it a couple of hours. It will kill most of me that is left though.

Dear @Paddington1234 im so so sorry. this sounds awful for you. Sending love to you and hope you find strength xxx

Just got a text that he was leaving sometime soon. Same as the day before and the day before. Told me I was fucking insane for talking of calling the police. We needed that ute to buy feed today. Anyway, that's not important. I'm just trying to work out how to get him into rehab. They won't take people who are wrestled in by their family. I'm stuffed

He could kill someone’s family driving YOUR ute on drugs!! Call the police and report him now ffs

His response tells you everything. He's making you the villain and himself the victim.
Sending you strength. 🩷

He saya he has left now. About 10 minutes ago.
I'm not worried about him driving with drugs as its never happened and I think that is why he stayed at mates place last night and hasn't left until now. It's very sad that this is what of become of my son, but he has a decency in himself.

You need to focus on yourself and the rest of your family and if you need the truck you’ll need to tell son to bring it back today or it’s the police. Sorry this is happening to you but you won’t be able to do anything for him while he’s out there focussing on drugs. Might be better if he is back inside.

No I think that is why he didn't leave this morning for his dental appt. He takes driving on the road very seriously, I know that sounds weird, but he was telling me last weekthat he realised speeding 5km an hour would only gain him a matter of minutes in a 3 hour journey. So I'm not worrying about him driving. I was worried about where on earth he was this morning. It's agonising. I don't think he even has a parking ticket. Driving is the last of my worries, sadly😪

Stop lending your son the vehicle.
Take the keys away from him.

Report him and stay involved by insisting that, when he goes back to prison, he is involved in a rehab program.

You’ve been up all night worrying about your adult son?
If he’s not prepared to sort his self out then he won’t change for you, he has to do it himself

You seem proud that he’s never had a driving ticket, yet he’s been to prison? Where does he get the money for drugs, is he working?
And I’d take the car keys off him and hide them, when he finally comes home.

Sorry I've responded to the wrong msg. Apparently it is easier to get drugs in prison than without. One day they were all locked down in their cells as a drone had missed its landing spot and landed on a roof. I could ssay a lot more but don't want him tracked down if he goes to gaol again. That will be the end of me as I think I've had too much. I'd bore you with everything that has happened to me amd my family. So fx Son turns up in the next hour and a half. Unless he was lying. Very likely.

Explained earlier on that we are in southern hemisphere

No not proud, just one of the things he hasn't done.

Im so sorry OP but you cant protect him. You need to let him go back to prison. It will be safer than what he is doing now which could kill him.
He shouldnt have your car either absolutely not for work or anything. At 27 he is responsible for getting his own vehicle. A place to live is one thing anything else is not. Its very foolish to give him any vehicle or get him insurance to drive it.
Dont enable him in any way.

Dont be a fool OP. Nobody who relies on drugs has any decency.

They don't get to 18 and then you stop worrying about them, ffs! He's still her boy, regardless of how old he is.

I’m going to say this with the utmost respect, and gentleness (as I have experience) but if he ends up back in prison, that is his prerogative. If he gets arrested, if he goes back inside, if he chooses the dark path…that’s on him.

I could write an essay on this, but I won’t. So I recommend the “recover your soul” podcast (for you and anyone else struggling with a loved one on similar paths with addiction and the like). You HAVE to detach. It goes against every maternal bone in our bodies, but you have to. I know, if you don’t he might die, but mama, that’s his path. You don’t have to die with him.

Very very big virtual hugs coming your way. Please please try and sleep. Don’t overthink. Don’t over analyse. Stop constantly checking in. No deep emotional conversations trying to change the outcome. Instead, plan something nice for YOU tomorrow. Get your car back, get the feed and do something nice for YOU when you’re out.

Your love won’t save him. 💔

I feel for you OP. I know this doesn't help right now but I have found it very valuable, follow Gavin Dixon (and his lovely mum) on TikTok or buy his book, The Devil - diary of an addict from Amazon. Living in fear as you have been will chip away at your physical and mental health and well being. I speak from experience.

Of course you are right. People who are addicted are driven by their addiction. But it’s an illness and her son is still in there underneath it all. OP isn’t a fool. She’s a desperate mum in a desperate situation that no mother ever, ever wants to be in. She’s clinging to every bit of hope she has in this situation as the alternative is unthinkable.

This. Hugely sympthetic as I cannot imagine the stress and worry of trying to rehab a son. BUT Iam gobsmacked you allowed him to use your car at all. He should be working locally.

Im in a similar situation with a relative it is heartbreaking 💔

Hard as he’s an adult, so only so much you can do, but of course still your son so you want to help.
Is there a charity / support network type thing that can offer some advice?
A relative or friend he may listen to?

I hope he comes home and I hope you can make him see he has help available to him. It sounds a heartbreaking situation to be in OP x

Sounds awful