Do you care if your MIL likes you?

[Babybear260]

I really care to the point I’m having sleepless nights about it. I’ve always shown affection, kindness and love to my MIL. So I know deep down there is no true reason for her to not like me other than I’m my husband’s wife (used to be GF).

I’ve heard through other family members recently that she wasn’t ‘pleased’ about the news of our wedding and pregnancy and another one asked what our relationship was like now.

I was shocked to learn this because I hadn’t felt like there was any tension between us. Having said that, she did look noticeably sad at our wedding, it wasn’t just me that’s noticed, other people have and apparently she was just upset that her son was getting married and not her little boy anymore maybe.

She does bitch / complain about various other family members, e.g her ex husbands girlfriend of 10 years even though she’s been with her own partner 10 years. Her sister-in laws, even a nephew! So I guess it’s in her personality so I shouldn’t be surprised she talks about me behind my back - but as far as I’m aware I’ve done the best I can to be a good daughter in law.

Even before we were married, I’d send her flowers on Mother’s Day, buy her cute Christmas presents. Husband as lovely as he is, is highly disorganised so I always did for him. In fact he’s useless at replying so there was a period where she would always message me asking stuff (she still does) and it is exhausting but I always reply happily so this also adds salt the wound if she really wasn’t happy about me marrying her son. I’m hoping it’s more to do with having an only child rather than my actual personality.

So if she really was that sad at the thought of us getting married, it does hurt me a little. I’m not sure whether asking her directly is a good idea (not in an argumentative way) or to just leave it and not care as long as my husband and I are in love

My husband convinces me she loves me and cares about me greatly but of course he’d say that! Tbh I don’t think he would give it this much thought if my parents weren’t keen on him so maybe I should try and get over it

I do have a son yes and will never be like my ex MIL thank god. My ex mil smoked 60 a day and regaled me and her son with stories about her sexual conquests on tinder. It was absolutely disgusting. She liked to get a boob out and say having a baby didn't affect them. She thought this was hilarious.
That was the baby she dumped so she could live the party lifestyle. She didn't come back into her son's life until he was an adult.
The highlight of our divorce was getting rid of that woman.

I don’t like my partners mum as I feel she has been unkind and unhelpful when I was going through a bereavement. Obviously that’s her choice and it’s not her responsibility to be nice to me and I have plenty of friends etc who have been lovely.

But going forward I’ll just completely leave my partner to it. She always used to say she would love to see me more etc (as I work really long hours) but I think she was just pretending to be friendly. My partner finds her really hard work and I know he would appreciate my help with her but I just don’t think it’s my responsibility now. I would help him out by doing things for her in the future if she needed them and he was unavailable but I certainly don’t be going out of my way.

I have sons and I will be making a big effort with their long term partners/ wives on the future but clearly lots of mothers in law either don’t like their daughters in law or don’t want to make an effort. Up to them.
I think you should just do the same. Take a step back and let her get on with it.

Who ever told you about MILs feelings towards you has done you a massive favour and saved you years of over investment in a relationship that really is not going to give you any positive return.

Your MIL doesn’t like you so disengage. Your DH can lead the relationship with his own mum. Just turn up to events that he and his mum organise and don’t organise them; birthdays or gifts - no longer on ur radar - remind ur DH if you want (I never did). It’s not ur job. Just as it isn’t your DHs job to support ur relationship with ur mother.

Brilliant to know early on. Set the boundaries and keep reinforcing them.

I couldn't care less, her opinion of me or anything else is completely unimportant

Not really tbh. I respect my mil and there are lots of things I like about her. She is quite a gentle soul, so there isn't much to dislike either. I don't think I'm her number one favourite person, and I'm sure there have been times she didn't really like me all that much, but as long as she doesn't actively hate me or seek to harm me in any way, I do not care. She is a good grandmother to my kids and a good mum to my dh. That's really all that matters to me (and to her I imagine only in reverse - I don't have to love her, but i do need to try and be a good mum and wife to her gcs and son)

Or the daughters in law don’t like their mothers in law, despite the latter trying really hard to be nice?

I’ve read so many threads about how much wives hate their husband’s mother.

I do all the 'wife work' for my husband