He’s a full grown DISABLED adult that has a responsibility you mean? He’s not just abit lazy or can’t be bothered? Hate this ableist attitude and it’s comments like this that are so disgusting and damaging, he isn’t NT so you cannot speak of his behaviour within this situation as if he is? It’s like telling a blind person to suck it up and try and read like every other grown adult does. You’d never dream of doing that, because it’s offensive and completely ridiculous so why would you try and offer crap outdated advice to someone with a neurological disability?
@DesperatelySeekingHelpSomething is going on right now that’s clearly effecting him and causing his adhd symptoms to be worse, even though he’s medicated. The going out every night whilst typical of a 21 year old it’s also typical of an adhd person seeking dopamine and living impulsively. Research has found that almost everyone diagnosed with ADHD struggles with some sort of sleep issue, and a large amount suffer with delayed sleep phase syndrome. Which means he could find it almost impossible no matter how physically tired he is, to switch his mind and brain off to go to sleep until it’s the early hours of the morning. Going out the night before will impact it, however, if he stayed in and tried to sleep early, this would take months and months of practicing good sleep hygiene, consistent routines to calm his brain, no screen time , no caffeine etc - again non of that is dopamine inducing, so already going to be a huge struggle for someone with ADHD. Then when he wakes , until his medication kicks in ( which will usually take around an hour if it’s the standard slow release) he will be struggling with sleep inertia, that can last hours sometimes, and coupled with a hangover from drinking it would be almost impossible for him to wake up on time I’d imagine. This is where research and education around ADHD is so important. Not just for your son, but for you all as a family. He will feel absolutely awful that he cannot function in the mornings, that something that’s seen as such an easy thing for most is a huge mammoth task to him. Yeah , the going out and getting drunk is annoying, but he’s 21, on medication whilst still not having a properly developed brain, trying to adult whilst hormones are in play with his medication. By evening his meds have worn off so adhd is back full force so dopamine seeking is huge. Will also no doubt be a people pleaser and hate to say no, so will go out and mask and play the part even if sometimes he doesn’t want to do it.
Does his employer know he has an ADHD diagnosis? I would advise him to inform them if not straight away and ask for a formal meeting to discuss a risk assessment and a meeting around reasonable adjustments in the workplace. You don’t mention what he does, but if it is a role that allows him to start at various times without too much of an interruption to the job role, then that’s what he needs to be asking for. Flexible work schedule that could include a staggered start time, so he comes in later but may leave later to make up the time. He might have several breaks throughout the day to help him not get overwhelmed and overstimulated so he doesn’t burn out. He could even speak about working from home ( if this is the kind of job that might allow this, obviously there are certain jobs and industries where this wouldn’t be possible). Is he also aware he should be eating protein throughout the day to help get the best impact from his medication? Especially with breakfast. The difference in not eating anything and something protein heavy is huge and regularly snacking on protein rich foods throughout the day kicks the medication in again and helps it last as long as it can. If it is the case that his medication is wearing off too soon, meaning he slips into his usual dopamine seeking habits, he could speak with his prescriber and ask if he could get some top up meds. For example dexamfetamine, similar to slow release meds he’s on but short release and lasts only 4 hours so it prevents any crash happening when the first meds where off and will keep him more focused and not as likely to dopamine ‘ hunt’ then if his meds have completely worn off.
It’s easy to get frustrated and annoyed, we are in an NT world and everyone is expected to fit into that way of life and if not they are a failure. Self worth and low self esteem is a massive part of living with ADHD. To constantly have that voice around your head telling you how bad you are at stuff you are rubbish, failing. Not to mention people in your life will say things like ‘ why can’t you just do this’ or ‘ stop being lazy’ so it becomes ingrained in us and we just assume that’s how we are. You mention the novelty of the job has worn off, this was me when I was undiagnosed for years, 3 months in, bored and wanting something else. But now I’m diagnosed and medicated I’ve finally realised it wasn’t that really, it was the low self worth and self doubt that made me apply for jobs that were way below my ability, and they just didn’t challenge me enough, or make me use my full ability, so that’s what made me bored. It could be a similar thing with your son.
You are actually doing a wonderful thing in reminding him to wake up, and it’s not surprising how frustrated or worried it makes you feel, he is older now so you would hope these duties as parents would get less and less, but the fact you are helping and caring will mean a lot to him. It could be that right now this job just doesn’t suit him, but that’s fine , maybe for now he would be better suited in a job that’s more afternoon work? Or even bar work or somewhere that offers night shifts? He’s still young, so that’s really positive that he has a diagnosis and meds. He has time now to figure out systems and strategies to help him navigate this world with his brain wired differently, I’d have given anything to have been in his shoes at 21, with parents supporting me with my diagnosis and being medicated and having an answer to why I felt different!
You are being really supportive and trying to find ways to help and that’s amazing, just sit down and have an honest and open discussion with him, see what he thinks of all this.