Ds going to university advice asap

[Carol52]

Hi my son has been offered a place at a Russell group university which is around a hour from door to door . He wanted to commute . We did a trail run snd it all went wrong. He now wants accommodation which will mean a lot more debt. he also had an offer from a smaller university a lot less prestigious but in the same city we live I. but he said why would I chance from a really respected university to a small one.
I don’t know what to advise him I cannot help financially and I think he would be best to travel as he is not very street wise etc. we needs to make a decision so any advice would be great.
Also I am getting upset already the thought of him leaving and feel really selfish .

What’s his (your) plan? Has he got student finance in place? Is he going to commute? Why not halls? Or is he staying local?

Update
drove son to accommodation last night.so he could have a look Told him if he wants to accept . He can always come home if it doesn’t work. He went to girlfriends house and today went to Alton towers . I assumed he had accepted UNTIL. I get a text this morning saying he might accept knowing the deadline was today. I then get a text this afternoon saying the offer had disappeared off his account and could I ring them for him. I rang the university accommodation they won’t speak to me and my son had to send a s email before they will . I told my son he texted ok. Heard nothing since . Any advice on what to say when he comes home . I think he has not got the accommodation after all this

If it were me I’d “advise” him that (in)action has consequences that he may have to live with.

Any advice on what to say when he comes home .

Tell him to get his act together/get his arse in gear/start behaving like the adult he's supposed to be. And stop the handholding - 'we' did this, 'we' did that. Let him work out his own commute and make his own phonecalls. If he can't sort out his own stuff, he's probably not ready for university.

Any advice on what to say when he comes home

basically to get his act together, he has to find a method to organise all his various deadlines and he needs to solve the situation if he doesn’t.

Son has come home and then said stopping at girlfriends again. I said ok. He then wanted me to phone the accommodation in the morning in his behalf to sort it out. .

You probably need to tell him he needs to be there too, while you make the call. To give permission for you to talk on his behalf and agree to an offer.

My son has emailed the uni so I can talk to them. He said he won’t be up at 9.09 to call them. I said if you want to leave home and be responsible you need to do things yourself. If it’s that important t you will get up. I just don’t know if I should leave it to him to do

Sounds like he is not ready to leave home. Okay if his anxiety means that making the call is difficult (I hate the phone, myself) but not getting up in time to be there is just lazy and coddled.

I don’t know if it’s anxiety he was set on commuting then changed his mind. I think it knocked him because he did not get into his first choice which was local.same city. He then did not get his first choice accommodation. So it been a bit rocky but I feel if he’s was 100% he would of done it before the last minute.