Live in partner and my adult children

[ForNoisyCat]

Hi, My partner moved in to my home early this year. My DS and DD ages 23 and 18 live with me. Daughter high functioning autistic and likely gas other MH conditions. Father was physically mentally and verbally abusive. New partner calm and easy to chat with but he can’t always hide what I think is a bubbling resentment - e.g. if I collect my daughter from friends, lending my son my car for months because he needed it for work and I don’t.

well yesterday my DD and partner had a slanging match over a piece of DD chocolate that resulted in partner accusing DD a liar- which she isn’t to my knowledge - she called him a ‘little shit’ and instead of this grown man trying to defuse the situation he called my DD a ‘little shit too’. I was horrified at his childish and aggressive responses to her. He wouldn’t let go even when I asked them both to back down. My daughter had 14 years of being in an sbusive house hold and it’s taken the last four years of peace and calm for her to be able to become the lovely person that she is , other than occasion mild outbursts. Yes her language is foul at times but through patience and perseverance she and I have built a really nice relationship.

parner has gone to work this morning, im at home today. Don’t know how to address this later. Really appreciate honest views.

@DurinsBane
No. It was the 18 year old. Who is autistic and has mental health issues and who spent the first 14 years of her life living with a father who was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive.
In no way is any of this her fault.

@VirginaGirl yes, DD said it first and although I don’t excuse her for it, he really has no excuse to sling back to her. He kept calling her a liar. It was like a playground scene! Changes will be happening….

Thank all for comments and views.

@RoachFish i allowed him in as they felt safe and they liked him. It’s easy enough for him to go back to his own place n stay there..

Ah ok, I misread. Though I still stand by it. I agree it isn’t the 18 year olds fault, but I don’t think the guy saying the same thing back that was said to him is a relationship ender. Him being low level jealous of his partner doing stuff for her kids may be through…..

You've picked another useless abusive immature little shit, you're daughter was right imo and anyone who resents a mother doing motherly things for her children needs to live alone.
Did you have any therapy or do the freedom programme after your divorce?

No, I’ve never heard of this programmes. And I didn’t have counselling. I’ll search for the freedom programme. I quite enjoyed being single. :)

Yeah - the fact that he responded by calling her what she’d just called him is less of a concern to me than the ‘bubbling resentment’ over you treating your children like family that you still care about. That’s why I’d be booting him out.

you lost me at this he can’t always hide what I think is a bubbling resentment - e.g. if I collect my daughter from friends
your kids would have to be extremely spoilt demanding and entitled for there to be any justification for resenting this, picking your 18yo up is about as standard as eating breakfast in the morning. boot him out.