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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Wedding rings?

39 replies

ForCosyMember · 07/06/2025 18:36

My daughter is due to get married and is looking for wedding rings. She recently told me the one she liked was around £700. Not sure if this average or expensive tbh. Told her to look round, not rush in and look at 2nd hand ones as she may get abetter ring for less money. She then mentioned- oh can I have some nans jewellery to melt down- my mum passed away few yrs ago and loved gold and as an only child I have all of what was her jewellery. Was surprised with this question from her and didn't knowhow to answer. Later that day while in her car her HTB rang and asked her if she had mentioned this gold issue to me. Is this wrong but I feel so upset that they have discussed it beforehand. The jewellery has lots of memories for me as me and her were really close and there was no dad. TBH I don't know if the request is a sentimental one or tgagthey want just to save money. Perhaps if she had said is there an odd earing that u have which I could add to a ring but she just wants me to give her quite a bit to make a full ring. It feels wrong?

OP posts:
RightSaidFrederica · 07/06/2025 18:44

Do you wear any of the jewellery?

If not, then personally I’d much prefer to give it new life to celebrate a new chapter in the family.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/06/2025 18:50

Would she wear the ring as it is ? Might need resized ?
Gold if you melt it will need the hallmark from the year it is reformed so you lose a lot of history .

My DD (not getting married ) loves jewellery and wanted a couple of band rings . She is very careful with things . Rather than spend £££ I gave her my wedding ring (too small for me , I have a new one ) and my Mums which she gave to me , really nice high carat gold .
DD didn't ask for them though and if she refused then no offence .

I wouldn;t like her to melt them though if she decided to use as a wedding ring in the future .

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 07/06/2025 18:50

I had my deceased MIL wedding ring when I recently got married and just had it re sized and polished so it’s still as it was when she wore it. Would this be an option?

Original poster
ForCosyMember · 07/06/2025 18:59

There isn't any plain gold rings. They are braclets with charms and necklaces etc

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 07/06/2025 19:02

Yes, you will pay around that (£700) for a decent gold wedding ring these days. I went to get one last year as I lost my wedding ring (found it some months later!) and I was looking at £600 to £700. I was shocked. I was expecting to pay about £150 LOL! 😆 So I left it and bought some cheap rings from Primark (£5 for 3) that looked like real gold. Just til the other one turned up Which it did thankfully.

HopingForTheBest25 · 07/06/2025 19:15

It's okay to say to dd that you aren't ready to part with them yet - she doesn't have a right to them, just because she wants them and it would save her money!
These items are sentimental to you and you are allowed to keep them because they remind you of your mum, whether you wear them or not. They have no sentimental value to your dd, which is why she's so blithely talking about melting them down. Your feelings matter too and you can say no! She has no right to be offended by that.

Also her right arsed fiance should he buying her wedding ring, not trying to appropriate your property and plotting with her to get hold of your mum's things. Tell him to tap his own mum for his grans jewellery. Him asking you has cheeky fucker written all over it.

No way would I melt down charm bracelets and items that held deep meaning for me because they don't want to pay for their own wedding rings - tell her to get silver for now or titanium and upgrade later when she can afford it.

FinallyHere · 07/06/2025 19:18

passing on jewellery to DD seems like the perfect use for it to me.

PenguinLove1 · 07/06/2025 19:25

Getting one made out of lots of different pieces of gold wont be any cheaper than buying a mass produced one from a high street jeweller, so it sounds as though she is asking for sentimental reasons rather than financial.

do you wear it all? If not i would let her have some of the less sentimental pieces to you to incorporate in her ring - its better to be used and worn than lie in a drawer until it eventually passes down to her anyway - was she close to her gran? Its a nice way of it passing down.

you can always say no you dont want them getting changed or arent ready to part with them yet but if it was me I would select some itens i was willing to pass on and let her do it - my brothers wedding ring is made from both my grandfathers wedding ring golds as my parents offered- it was dearer than buying a new one but a nice way to include them in the ceremony

Alwayslurkingsometimesposting · 07/06/2025 19:27

FinallyHere · 07/06/2025 19:18

passing on jewellery to DD seems like the perfect use for it to me.

I agree with this

SmallChanges3 · 07/06/2025 19:35

I bought a really lovely white gold wedding band when I got married. It's cut so the metal sparkles when it catches the light. It was £150 and I think I got about 20% off too.

I can see why you'd feel upset as it's almost like they have decided for you. I have some rings belonging to my grandma and I wouldn't melt them down despite not wearing them.

Wedding rings?
HopingForTheBest25 · 07/06/2025 19:37

It's a perfect use if the OP is happy to let it go and won't be upset if dd melts it down. Otherwise, not.
I think that as parents we often feel that we have to prioritise our children's wants above our own. When they are children we obviously should prioritise their needs, but when they are adults the relationship should shift and adapt to a recognition that mums and dads are people too, who are allowed to keep the things that belong to us, until such time as we are ready to pass them on.

HopingForTheBest25 · 07/06/2025 19:38

That's a lovely ring @SmallChanges3

JustPinkFinch · 07/06/2025 19:41

If they are sentimental and meaningful to you, that is enough reason to decline. Can I just say as well, if they are solid 18K gold, or even if they are 9K, they are reasonably valuable. The charms in particular are worth significantly more than their pure weight and it would be a real shame to melt vintage craftsmanship down and turn it into a plain band. The chains and bracelets, depending when they were made, are probably much nicer quality than many items on sale today. Even if they are 70s/80s/90s they will be better quality. Keep them and enjoy them.

(I am a jeweller)

wobblybrain · 07/06/2025 19:42

Just say no, I’m not sure why you didn’t straight away tbh. You don’t want to part with the jewellery , so don’t. Your DD is being a CF asking for this.

Thingsthatgo · 07/06/2025 19:50

To be fair to your daughter, gold is super expensive now. I am a jeweller, and if people flinch at the cost of a ring, I will ask if they have any gold at home that I can remodel instead.
if you still love the jewellery, and wear it, then you should definitely keep it. But, most of my customers have inherited jewellery that sits in a drawer or a box for years and years. I think that it’s better to reuse it; it’s all part of its story.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 07/06/2025 19:58

Thingsthatgo · 07/06/2025 19:50

To be fair to your daughter, gold is super expensive now. I am a jeweller, and if people flinch at the cost of a ring, I will ask if they have any gold at home that I can remodel instead.
if you still love the jewellery, and wear it, then you should definitely keep it. But, most of my customers have inherited jewellery that sits in a drawer or a box for years and years. I think that it’s better to reuse it; it’s all part of its story.

I have a ring that is (IMO) ugly but it's around 100 years old and has a nice emerald with pave diamonds
For my next significant birthday I might have it re modelled

JustPinkFinch · 07/06/2025 20:01

Do be careful with the advice above - almost all vintage pieces are more valuable than their gold weight, some much more. I appreciate the sentimental point of reusing the metal in a new piece, but in many cases - financially - you'd be better getting a valuation from a reputable auction house like Fellows (Birmingham) before agreeing to have items melted down. You could sell, and have much more money than the gold weight to pay for new jewellery and some to spare.

ExtensivelyDecluttering · 07/06/2025 20:11

I've got my nan's engagement ring, I never wear it but keep it, I do feel it's a shame not to re-craft it into something I'd wear it but I am never going to do that while my mum is alive as I know it would really upset her. I used to wear it but the claws on the stones used to catch on things like towels all the time and break, after about the third lot of repairs I stopped wearing it. I think they have approached this all wrong, they could have approached you in a much more caring manner and used words like re-crafting, keeping memories alive etc instead of melting down. Not just assumed.

vdbfamily · 07/06/2025 20:15

I used my grandma's ring and had it remodeled, not just to save money but I love that I have her diamond and gold in my ring. It is a lovely idea of you are not wearing any of it.

wafflesmgee · 07/06/2025 20:17

I don’t think they are wrong to ask, and you’re not wrong to say yes or no. Personally I think it’s a nice idea but if it’s too sentimental for you that’s fine as well. I don’t think you should feel offended, just say no and move on.

DeSoleil · 07/06/2025 20:23

I think that your daughter is probably being egged on by her partner to save money by getting hold of the jewellery that you inherited.

I don’t think she or has sentimental feelings about it and believe it’s just ‘old jewellery just sitting there going to waste when I could use it to get wedding rings made!’

Of course, there is is some merit in that but personally I find it grasping and very poor form to put you on the spot like that.

Usually the mother or father or even both would decide to offer inherited jewellery to their children to be kept or repurposed. Being asked for it is rather unpleasant and distasteful.

If you are not ready to relinquish the jewellery then you shouldn’t feel bad.

I would be extremely disappointed if my daughter or stepdaughters were marrying a man that couldn’t afford at least three times his monthly salary on an engagement ring and then the pair of them affording their own rings.

Perhaps they should put off the wedding for a couple of years until they have saved more.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 07/06/2025 20:37

I have a platinum wedding ring with small diamonds at the top of the band and that was around £600 but from the jewellery quarter in Birmingham. I was going to have white gold to save money but my engagement ring is platinum and apparently you can’t wear white gold next to it. Not sure if they were having me on. I would not ask my mum for jewellery from her mum I wanted to melt down.

TatteredAndTorn · 07/06/2025 21:01

Just say no you aren’t ready to part with them, they have sentimental value. What others on this thread would do with the rings is neither here nor there. They aren’t their rings and people are.sentimental about different things in different ways.

I think you are a bit unreasonable though expecting them not to have discussed it. Of course they will discuss it when considering what ring to buy/what their outlay would be. I do think the HTB shouldn’t have asked though. It’s between you and your daughter but maybe it reflects that your daughter isn’t understanding the sentimental value these have to you and they are both just thinking about it more clinically. You need to have a chat with your daughter and tell her how you feel.

peachescariad · 07/06/2025 21:26

I think YABU….my wedding band is made from my gran’s and great gran’s 24k rings….my mum wore my great grans ring after she lost hers very soon after she got married but my gran was adamant that she had to wear a ring that had been through chapel and not buy a new one, so I love the fact that my mum wore the ring while my dad was alive (I never met him as he died while my mum pregnant with me). My mum had always told me the rings would be mine so when I asked if I could have them made into one band she was delighted.
My wedding band is the most precious piece I own. I can’t put into words the feelings I have for it. Weird I know! Knowing that 3 amazing women in my family wore this gold is very precious to me.
However I didn’t have an engagement ring as I didn’t want one so I had several diamonds put in the band so it was a bit more than £700!

crossstitchingnana · 07/06/2025 21:30

My wedding ring cost £70, value of £135 in today’s money. Still looks great.

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