Money!

[BoredTrish83]

i need to vent ..
My daughter has moved away with her bf to he's mum house .
While living here they had part time jobs and got by by handouts and us to get thro . No help from other side
Now she's asking us for money to get by when she's again working part time and he's quit he's job due to back issues
Am I bring unreasonable?
They going away camping with he's family and asking us for money ?
Parent guilt kicking in but I need to be strong !

So your DD is asking for £40.00 out of money gifted to her from her grandparents that you are looking after for her? If so, YABVU not giving her the £40.00 as it is not your money.

I wouldn't be delighted with my daughter's life choices in your situation, but I wouldn't be withholding her own money from her. If she has £700 left from money her grandparents gave her, that's her money and you have no right to stop her accessing it.

I also would be looking to support them wherever I could, but I agree that the support needs to be something other than simply handing your own money over.

I don't understand at all your beef with boyfriends parents not paying/handing money over.

Personally, I'd be trying to get my daughter to move back home where I'd be in a better position to support practically and to model good habits - 19 is very young to be completely self reliant, and many young adults would struggle in that situation.

You shouldn't be keeping that for her unless she's agreed to it, that's her money so I'd give it all to her and say she needs to learn to budget and stop asking for handouts.

Well they are obviously not appreciating ops handouts or respecting her because they constantly ask, only work part time , actually boyfriend is not working at all now . The only selfish ones here are the young adults, and yes they are adults, not kids . They don’t always turn out exactly how you hoped even when raised well !

Yes he has herniated disc and sciatica down leg x
Didn't know that can be done x

Cos its meant to be on decent stuff not for food and fuel

We had them living here for 1 year and a half and when we put our foot down about getting decent jobs they decided to move away

@Tourmalinesthankyou

Yes i agree regarding the money and it was asked to be looked after so they don't waste it
They aren't learning to always ask for money but I do feel like sending it all and saying good luck see how long that lasts you giving their past history about a week x

I think your idea of once it's gone it's gone Is a good one, but would you be able to stick to it ?

dont give her money. She needs to be working full time. Why on earth isn’t she?

I used to work my with someone who was still giving handouts to her son. He was married and had children of his own, and was working,

Stop now, they need to learn.

I've agreed to give her some and told her while away to sit down with each other and work out a plan go back to bare basics
She is slowly working to full time but has a few health conditions that stop her sometimes
In a way I told them its best they cope with their health and working balance now and learn to adapt to it then further along and have big commitments and have to adapt then
They know their limitations now and can develop from them x

I'd also have a conversation about the grandparents money and how to spend it maybe put it towards a deposit for a rented flat or a bigger item, or give it to them and once it's gone it's gone. Because if it's not sorted she is just going to keep nagging till you give In again.

Give her the £700 and make it clear that after that the bank of Mum has shut up shop.

No. She should be in full time work if not studying.
The fact she’s claiming UC is enough to warrant not topping her up and letting her look for more work

Oh yes, how selfish it is for parents to actually teach their children about surviving in the real world as opposed to living off handouts.

Seriously, you sound ridiculous. I'm going to guess your children are still young because no parent of older children would think your "parenting" is a good idea.

Good parenting is not giving your children what they want, it is giving them what they need / what will make them happy in the long term.

In OP’s situation, the good parenting is to not give money that would be frittered away but encourage her daughter to take steps to better her situation in the long term.
If she were to give her money now, it would make her daughter feel like all is well, she can go on holiday and she won’t have a reason to improve her situation. So it could be argued that it would actually be bad parenting.

They sound like a lazy pair of grifters.

Yet he’s going camping?

Well exactly it's not going to be easy to get up off a camp bed is it ?

Back issues severe enough to quit your job and camping holidays aren’t a good mix

My boyfriend is on UC at the moment as well due to a disability and he’s recently asked to be paid every 2 weeks just to help him budget better. As they are so young it might help them!

Your way of ‘parenting’ is just damaging the child to feel good about yourself. This is the perfect time for OP to teach her daughter that she can’t just sponge off others and not work/budget her money. Money for a holiday is not an emergency that a parent should jump in to help with.

Sounds like a pair of scroungers.
I was working three jobs alongside my degree at that age and living with my boyfriend where we jointly paid the bills.
I don't understand this generation of lazg entitled young people. And I am not even that old.