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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Estranged adult son

63 replies

MrsDobbs · 03/05/2025 12:19

My 32 year old son has fallen out with all family members and friends and moved to a new city, l only found out my accident that he was in a different city as l reported him missing, l think he is on the streets, l was paying his rent and went to check with the others that lived at that address and they said hadn't seen him for a month so landlord checked his room and he had gone, I'm not coping well at all, l have 3 other grown up children that are great, anyone else been in a simular situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDobbs · 12/09/2025 12:10

It's heartbreaking, just wish l could talk to my Son, l didn't realise he hated me so much

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myplace · 12/09/2025 16:12

Remember this isn’t about you. I mean, it is because you are suffering. However it’s more about who he is and how he feels than it is about what you have done or not done.

The whole thing about letting them grow up and make their own lives is risky.

Original poster
MrsDobbs · 12/09/2025 16:28

If l just new he was okay l would be happy for him but as he has disowned all his family and friends l will never know

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myplace · 12/09/2025 16:45

I can only imagine it. I do know what it’s like to be overwhelmed though, so have some sympathy with people who just want to run away and start again where no one knows them.

Saddm · 12/09/2025 17:05

No family members keep in touch with my dc. In the past 10 years I have had 2 phone calls from hospitals saying he missed appointments.. For what I don't know. And 2 from the police saying he was classed as a missing person but absolutely no idea who reported him missing.. The pain is still raw.

Original poster
MrsDobbs · 12/09/2025 17:54

If l knew my Son was well, but l no he is not, mentally, l would be happy for him because at the end of the day that's all you want for your kids is for them to be happy

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TheHardySeal · 12/09/2025 22:32

myplace · 12/09/2025 16:45

I can only imagine it. I do know what it’s like to be overwhelmed though, so have some sympathy with people who just want to run away and start again where no one knows them.

I completely get that, I really do. But for a mother, the estrangement of a much loved child leaves a grief that can make life seem not worth living, it cuts to the very core of you. I’ve come through that now, I’ve learned to live with it, but it’s been the hardest part of my life.

Original poster
MrsDobbs · 12/09/2025 22:46

It's been the hardest part of my life too, l wake up every morning thinking about my son❤️

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Netcurtainnelly · 08/10/2025 20:41

myplace · 16/06/2025 19:47

As someone with a lot of ASD friends and family members…

This may be little or no comfort, but… several people I know are perfectly happy, living perfectly ordinary lives, but have chosen to have no/minimal contact with family. They just don’t ‘get’ the connection. They find their loving relatives ‘too much’, and don’t seem to appreciate the pain their dis interest must cause. I don’t know how it will play out eventually, when their mum dies. Maybe they will regret having missed out.
One of them is sad that his young adult son with ASD doesn’t want to know him. But that doesn’t affect how he feels about spending time with his mum.

Those of you worrying about them- they may well be perfectly content, safe and happy. Just not feeling any need for connection.

How about they stop.being so weird and selfish and have a thought for a mum or dad who might want to hear from them.
It's a dreadful way to carry on. Says alot about them.
It's not normal.

BlueWhalers · 16/12/2025 07:05

TheHardySeal · 12/09/2025 22:32

I completely get that, I really do. But for a mother, the estrangement of a much loved child leaves a grief that can make life seem not worth living, it cuts to the very core of you. I’ve come through that now, I’ve learned to live with it, but it’s been the hardest part of my life.

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How did you come to terms with it? It’s eating up my life and ruining my health.

TheHardySeal · 16/12/2025 23:09

BlueWhalers · 16/12/2025 07:05

How did you come to terms with it? It’s eating up my life and ruining my health.

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By believing that one day they will rediscover their real self & wellbeing. I have another adult child who I’m close to - this helps enormously.
Your son will come back.

BlueWhalers · 17/12/2025 08:29

TheHardySeal · 16/12/2025 23:09

By believing that one day they will rediscover their real self & wellbeing. I have another adult child who I’m close to - this helps enormously.
Your son will come back.

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Thank you. It gives me a small glimmer of hope.

Original poster
MrsDobbs · 17/12/2025 08:47

I live in hope every day my Son will come back, just hope he is making a life for himself out there ❤️

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