I find the word so offensive

[Lovetocook49]

I have recently found out that my grown up daughter's bf has been calling her a retard.

He has been doing it to upset her as he knows she really doesn't like the word. I hold my hands up and say it's entirely the upbringing I gave her, I have 35 years experience of working with special needs, so she knows the word origin and what makes it offensive.

In a 'make up' session with the bf , he has said that it no longer has any connotations to special needs and just means someone is stupid ?

I disagree - AIBU 🤷‍♀️

". I hold my hands up and say it's entirely the upbringing I gave her, I have 35 years experience of working with special needs, so she knows the word origin and what makes it offensive."

What do you mean by this?

I find this really odd, like you think your daughter is in the minority.

Of course it's an offensive word. Everybody knows it's an offensive word, whether they work in special needs or not.

I think you need to reframe this and realise that he is using it BECAUSE it's an offensive word.

Your daughter isn't unusual or niche for find it it offensive.

The word is completely unacceptable.

well, he shouldn’t be calling her stupid either. whatever he’s trying to justify doesn’t make it sound any better.

I don’t think which particular insult he chooses to use is the issue, it’s that she’s tolerating a boyfriend who denigrates her.

youre so worrying about the wrong thing here. He’s bullying her - he’ll escalate. It’s awful. Don’t try to fix his (or any abuser’s) language-like someone else said, would it be ok if he was calling her stupid on a regular basis? No. And really this post should say My daughter’s bf is absuive to her. At the very least he’s disrespectful and distinctly unkind.

any other red flags?

Also I’m from the generation where that word was used without thought of its origins. Including other similar words. They were used in films and stuff too so very commonly accepted and not actually meant to be derogatory but now people have said hey that’s actually offensive and any one from “my generation’ who isn’t an utter arsehole have removed it from their vocabulary because it’s not nice to be offensive and it doesn’t hurt anyone to use a different word (or just not call people names!)