F24 living at home. Curfews

[sofiaparker]

I'm F24 living at home and completing my higher education. I work part time but it's not enough to live on my own. My parents would rather I stay with them too and focus on achieving good grades. After my exams in the summer I wish to celebrate my birthday with a night out with friend and clubbing. I've expressed this to parents and they refused to allow it. How can I stand my ground. I usually don't go out much or like nights out to be honest but want to do it just for my 25th to make it extra special. In my experience there aren't any lively bars playing my type of music functioning during day time. But yeah I overall feel suffocated although there are many perks too of living at home. I feel like I need a bit of breathing space and currently unable to create it as I have a year of study left.

Any advice would be helpful. Thanks

Book a hotel for the night! With a friend or on your own. You can then crawl back whenever in you want.

What will they do if you don't accept them "not allowing it"?

Because fundamentally you're an adult and they have no rights to allow or forbid you to do anything you want.

I'm not even allowed out for sleepovers. Parents sleep late. I would not make it to clubbing on time.

I think this is part of a bigger conversation then, not just the curfew issue. At 24 this is ridiculous.

Nothing at all. But id feel not so good anymore about my special day if I hurt my parents especially by doing something so basic. I feel I'll be 30 soon with no particular social life.

This is not normal! Hopefully you can get to a place where you are earning enough to leave home - for your birthday treat book into a hotel as suggested. You can usually check in from about 3pm, so just leave in the day and don't come back til the next day.

What do you mean. You just say 'Saturday, I'm going out and staying overnight with the girls'.
You aren't 14, you are 24! Were you planning on sneaking out of the house to go? Surely not! Is this a cultural thing?

What do you mean by saying you're not allowed out for sleepovers? Like, not allowed to go and stay with a mate in Uni at Manchester/Bath/Dundee? Or a local mate's place? Or a boyfriend's flat?

Yep. You need to get this sorted. You are an adult now and you can't allow your parents to control you in this way.
Politely inform them of your plans. Tell them not to wait up. If you think they'll lock the door so you can't get in then book a hotel and rethink whether it's worth continuing to live in a household with these restrictions.
It's not disrespectful to want a normal adult life.

OP it’s perfectly fine for your parents to have boundaries around guests in their home, or hours they’d prefer you in by - but it’s strange that they’d have rules about your behaviors in other spaces at this age/stage. If you were to tell them you’re staying with a friend, what would happen? How much independence do you have day to day? Do you have control of the money you earn?

This is really bizarre. I'd move into the world's crappest house share just to get away from them.

It's not all that bad. I have full control of the money I earn, and I have a lot of privilege. Just supposed rules when it comes to going out and coming back by a suitable hour when it comes to parents as they are worried more about my safety. Clearly don't trust me to make responsible adult decisions. They've really babied me up this long. My mum still expects my dad to sit with me and help with uni homework and I don't do that tho as I would rather work independently. I'm a lot more independent than they think and actually not the same person I was years ago making unsafe stupid mistakes. That's a part of growing up.

What would they do if you stayed with a friend/ in a hotel?
You are 24. This level of control is really not healthy.
If I were you I would be moving out as soon as possible. You don't need anyone's permission to live your life.

I'm getting proper Stockholm syndrome vibes from this set up.

It's quite concerning.

I have two children in their early twenties who still live at home. They come and go as they please.
The few rules we have, such as not getting too drunk, not waking everyone up, letting us know where they've gone, asking if guests can stay and generally bring respectful apply to us all.

Can you move into student accommodation for the remainder of your course?

Aye, all correct for a teenager. Not somebody in their mid 20s.

Chill.

I wondered if cultural too.
Well parents like this soon learn when their children rebel and then go NC. Totally unreasonable

You’re the one posting.

What if you said to your parents : I am not here overnight on Saturday, I'll see you at 6pm or so on Sunday.
They would stop you from going? How?

Is this a rage bait post? Because you ask and then you’re dismissive when comments react about how weird this is.

If you can’t go out late but you also can’t book a hotel but you’re also happy with your living arrangements, I’m not sure what you want people to say. Maybe just book a dinner instead of clubbing.

You sound much younger than 24. Have you ever stayed overnight without your parents?

This is not normal at all

As soon as dd turned 18 she didn't have a curfew. She's an adult

As long as she's respectful in telling us her work shifts and social plans, and comes in/goes out quietly if people are asleep then that's fine

She added us on find my iPhone so we can see where she is for reassurance

You need to be firm and make some changes

To be fair, the first time I started my job I came home by 6pm. And my mum looked devastated. It's just the going out thing. Rest is fine. It may be a cultural thing. But I think they just need to get used to me growing up. And I'm quite a late bloomer too. Soon they got really used to me coming home later by 8pm maybe 9 in summers but no later.

Now if I set a new precedent they will get used to it.

I know it's an issue for me but seriously Stockholm Syndrome is a bit extra guys

Are you really 24? I don't know any adult that calls it a sleepover! 🤔