What do you do when your kids grow up. Im a little lost

[Vibing]

I never thought id say this
...when they were young id think about when they were off to uni etc and all the things id do.

Well its the strangest thing. Ive struggled with this for a couple of years now. Ive filled my time with doing the things i thought id want to do and got bored after a time. Then the hobbies and again got bored...one of them has stuck.

When your young you look ahead and think things like....i want marriage and kids and a career and a home and friends.

So what do you all do when youve done it all.

I have a career and reached as high as i want to go and love it.
Done the marriage and regretably and sadly the divorce. Kids. A home. Subsequent two long term relationships after

Ive just finished a uni module through work. Ive had enough of studying for a lifetime and theyll be a 7 month uni course i need to do with work next Jan.

Im focusing on my health and fitness.

My eldest gets married soon which is amazing.

But i feel lost. What do you all do at this stage of life. I feel like ive aged 20-30 years. Im even getting my affairs in order cause it feels like a natural thing to do. Im very close to being 50.

Ive even been lucky with pets ive had beautiful dogs over the years and a cat.

im not saying its been plain sailing but i know im at a point were i see even the grizliest times in a positive silver lining way. Theres been hard times, downright going through it times. Money worries the lot but ive done all those. My parents and other relatives have passed. So its jyst me now. So ive even done the ill health and carers and probates and funerals.
im lucky with my health so far. Im even sorting my funeral stuff. Having done it a few times, i dont want that for my sons.

im not in a financial position to travel. I thought i would do that. Its just not possible. I thought id go to uni and study something not joined to my career. I cant afford uni fees and to be without a full time income.
Ive tried to share a life with a partner. As said i was married for 14 years. A relationship for 8 years and anotger for 5 years. They sadly didnt work out for one reason and another. I dont think ill do a relationship again

What do u all do next?

It sounds like you have reached a point of reflection OP that might not just be about the children growing up, could be e.g. menopause in there and generally getting a bit older and wiser? You have been through a lot and I relate to what you say about seeing even the most difficult things with a kind of stoicism / silver lining.

I'm childfree and I do what I want- which is nothing! Work a bit, listen to audiobooks, make nice food, lounge about.
I'm 100% not one of those people who always has a goal and strives to be doing stuff. I cherish peace and quiet.

No words of advice OP, just a handhold. In same situation and it feels like wading through treacle 😪

@Orangesandlemons77 is a stage of reflection a general thing that happens at this stage of life? Ive been menopausing for couple years.

How long does the reflection stage go on for? I feel like im coming full circle already, if that makes sense..

Would you consider becoming a charity trustee, a magistrate, a CAB volunteer? Something with purpose that uses your brain and time but is rewarding?

I have one at uni and the other will go the year after next. I'm in my early 50s. I will miss them very much of course, when they've both properly moved out, but I can't imagine being at a loose end. I work full time and don't feel like I have enough time to chill out or do hobbies. Looking forward to retiring!

Probably, not sure how long though sorry.

I had to check i hadn't written the thread title. But thats where it ends. I dont feel like I've done it all at all, although i don't know what to do next. My career is shite but i gave it up for the dcs and worked term time for years.
I know you'll bite my head off but i think you need a decent partner to share the next stage with. I'd be lonely without mine.

I do understand, although I have found my hobbies very fulfilling and satisfying and became a grandmother at 50 which opens up another whole world of joy and happiness.
Do you have a garden OP?
Gardening is a great hobby, and gardens are constantly changing so there's always something to do, as well as the benefit of being outdoors. Growing your own plants from seed and cuttings, for both food and ornamental plants is very satisfying and can give you the pleasure of nurturing and caring too.

Statistically, single (childfree) women are the happiest group in society 😊 and single women live longer than married women.

I take it that you live alone and the house feels empty and maybe your life?
Both mine went to uni the same year, I am divorced so you can imagine how silent the house became.
Luckily both travelled home once a month at different times but that was a double edged sword...looking forward to their visits and then saying goodbye again too soon.
Once they started in the world of work it then starts to feel as though they have really left as of course they cannot return very often.
I can't really offer any words of advice except you eventually become used to the new normal and just get on with life, you carry on.
It has been several years now, I work part time, procrastinate far too much and I have also met someone I spend most weekends with.
I still personally feel a house is only a home with people in it. My grown up children were here for a prolonged period over Christmas and the silence when they departed was so noticable, like an emptiness.

We got a dog!

I've always had obsessions - or more kindly - projects and they last for a few months to a few years and I fully embrace them - my kids were my project at one stage and then I backed off to let them breathe a little more...so they are now young adults and what am I doing? - decorating the house from top to bottom - mostly doing it myself, transforming the garden - I went from zero knowledge to completely redesigning it, starting to travel again and rediscovering my love of cinema and theatre after not being able to go out for a long time due to a poorly dog who couldn't deal with separation, eating out, going to the pub.
Dh is a constant - my best mate - I could just hang out with him and be happy but my projects drive me - I'm still working, still taking on new things. I've always been energised by change, so as long as there's something new to learn, something that grabs my interest (and there always has been) my restless spirit is satisfied.

I'd like to travel.
A few years off that here.
I'll miss them like crazy. So watching with interest!

My DD is 20 so I’m almost reaching that stage with her recent announcement that she might be relocating to southern Europe for work.

My plan (so far) was to focus a lot more on volunteering. I love being around children, I just don’t want to have any more. I think being community focused is a good call.

@Thebigdigs , you are very inspiring. Can i ask what your projects were/are?

I feel the same.

I can't get into any projects, because I feel I've done them all (which obviously isn't possible) but find a husband, make a home, have some children, etc.

I am lucky as I have great friends and whilst my job isn't great I do get satisfaction from volunteering, but it all seems a bit, I don't know, bleak

My project are mostly physical things but they can be more cerebral. Hard to remember all the things I have taken a deep dive into.

Sourdough (way before it was cool in COVID) and bread-making - all types - freaked a friend out when she asked me what I'd done that day and I casually remarked that I'd been making bagels - 15 years later she still tells that story - I only made them once - shop bought were better!
Baking
Cooking - I'll do deep dives into different types, spend hours making pasta - learning, the best way to make pizza

Cocktail making
Learning Spanish
Upholstery classes - I did that for 4 years
Training my dog - which was as challenging as training a cat - took nearly a year - not sure I could put that much energy into another dog - I remain heartbroken by the loss.
Long distance running
Travel, multi-day hikes and camping.
Interior design - including painting, framing & mounting art, levelling and laying flooring.

Garden design
Website design
Sashiko and clothing repair
We run our own company, so I had to learn how to do all aspects of my job myself - I'm a bit of a jack of all trades...I did and do pay for professional advice when needed.

Funny looking at the list, these are not planned - I don't deliberately try to think of things to do - it just happens and I become quite obsessed, I find it very hard to do things I'm not interested in - I still do them but they are an effort. I have a very patient dh - who is both amused by and supports all these activities. He works very long hours and travels for work - so I am often alone.

Thank you. Brilliant ideas!!

Personally I find there is so much to do I can't fit it all in.Much of it free or cheap, and most of it I do alone as DH works insane hours.

I understand the way you feel. What I find is when you are younger you have lots of enthusiasm about what's ahead. You feel there is a point to learning new things, and you feel there are things to aim for. At this age I just think what's the point of learning a new skill, how many years do I have left? For me, having grandchildren has been a game changer, but we live a long way away and chances to visit are rare. It is the only thing that truly brings me joy anymore.

My mum began learning how to play a musical instrument at 75.

Good for her!

You are so young! You have a whole lifetime left to live.

To out it in perspective, my youngest child will be in primary school when I turn 50.

What did you miss doing in your 20s because you were raising children? What did you regret having been unable to do then?

A different career? You certainly have time to have a second career. Travel?

You say you can't afford travel but it can be very cheap - much cheaper than living in the UK, especially if you're doing it solo.

Where would you like to see?