What do you do when your kids grow up. Im a little lost

[Vibing]

I never thought id say this
...when they were young id think about when they were off to uni etc and all the things id do.

Well its the strangest thing. Ive struggled with this for a couple of years now. Ive filled my time with doing the things i thought id want to do and got bored after a time. Then the hobbies and again got bored...one of them has stuck.

When your young you look ahead and think things like....i want marriage and kids and a career and a home and friends.

So what do you all do when youve done it all.

I have a career and reached as high as i want to go and love it.
Done the marriage and regretably and sadly the divorce. Kids. A home. Subsequent two long term relationships after

Ive just finished a uni module through work. Ive had enough of studying for a lifetime and theyll be a 7 month uni course i need to do with work next Jan.

Im focusing on my health and fitness.

My eldest gets married soon which is amazing.

But i feel lost. What do you all do at this stage of life. I feel like ive aged 20-30 years. Im even getting my affairs in order cause it feels like a natural thing to do. Im very close to being 50.

Ive even been lucky with pets ive had beautiful dogs over the years and a cat.

im not saying its been plain sailing but i know im at a point were i see even the grizliest times in a positive silver lining way. Theres been hard times, downright going through it times. Money worries the lot but ive done all those. My parents and other relatives have passed. So its jyst me now. So ive even done the ill health and carers and probates and funerals.
im lucky with my health so far. Im even sorting my funeral stuff. Having done it a few times, i dont want that for my sons.

im not in a financial position to travel. I thought i would do that. Its just not possible. I thought id go to uni and study something not joined to my career. I cant afford uni fees and to be without a full time income.
Ive tried to share a life with a partner. As said i was married for 14 years. A relationship for 8 years and anotger for 5 years. They sadly didnt work out for one reason and another. I dont think ill do a relationship again

What do u all do next?

At less than 50 she could easily have another 35-40 years left. If she wouldn't have written herself off at 10 years old, why should she do it now?

I am 53 and going by my gran and mum, I expect to live till my 90s. I am not going to spend the next 40 years thinking my life is over just because my kids are grown. I am glad they are grown. ( Unpopular view on MN!).

It's a threshold time of life and it's understandable to feel a bit lost.

Things to do when you don't know what to do with yourself:

Parish or District Councillor
School Governor
Magistrate
Prison Visitor
Tree Warden
Parish Magazine
Food Bank Volunteer
Information Centre volunteer
Local Environment Groups
Park Run
Local History Guide
Family History Research
Yoga, Pilates, Swimming etc

I heard something on another post about redundancy which stuck with me. When one door closes another one does open, but between those doors there as period called "hall time". At the moment, that's where you are. Use this time to rest and think carefully about the doors you could open - and the right one to go through will present itself

I think if people relish being single or living alone then all power to them but if you don’t no hobby will fill that void. My mate is a bit like you. Divorced twice, has a job she quite likes and lots of friends and hobbies but she admits to the loneliness of living alone as she hates it and how it stretches her finances just a bit too much. It may be more about living alone. If I end up alone I intend to house overseas students like a retired friend of mine did. I can be alone but I wouldn’t want to live alone all the time. You are allowed I think 5 or 6k PA tax free if you rent a room out in your house.

Being around young people is great, I love their enthusiasms. I worked in higher education. Retired now, I do miss their youthful exuberance.

I have two at uni and one dc at home and a dh who is away 6 months of the year. The dc at home is will be gone in a few years. I work very part time. Was also feeling a bit lost. Volunteer a bit but that wasn’t dong it for me.

I’m in the process of buying a house near a city in SW France which I will redecorate myself and redesign the garden. I’ve also done a teach English as a foreign language course so will look to pick up work once I have my visa sorted and live in France full time. Quite excited at the prospect now!

50 isn’t old! What interests you? It sounds like you have been through a lot. Now it’s time to invest in you

Yikes I'm the same age as you and my child is in nursery!

I literally can't imagine feeling like you do, I'll be next to the grave by the time mine goes to uni so I have written off all my plans/life's ambitions, but I've luckily ticked a few of them off.

Is there a charity or cause that is close to your heart? Fostering? Mentoring? Citizens advice?