Have I messed up my chances of a new life?

[user1471867483]

Mum and I have wanted to move for decades. Well, I decided to apply for a job in another city about 5-8 years ago. I got shortlisted on the very day my mum had a hospital appointment and therefore I rearranged the interview date. Next thing, guess what? There was a tube, bus and rail strike where I live on the interview date! (This was before interviews became commonplace on MS Teams). I rang to explain my predicament, but by then, they'd lost interest.
Well, my mum has never let me live it down and she'll say I've now been black-listed, as 6 months after, I applied for a similar job at the same organisation (NHS - admin and clerical) and my application wasn't successful 😣. Again this was around 5-8 years ago, and mum still brings it up with, "You'll never get a job now in that city. You've messed it up. They'll think you're flaky". I tell her I should be allowed to make mistakes and I'm sure by now they'll be a new set of people and have forgotten me by now surely? and this is how it goes 🤷. I feel so stuck.

IME as long as you don't ghost the interview panel it's not an issue. I declined an interview for an NHS admin job last year as I was on holiday, they readvertised the same job a few months later and I got shortlisted and interviewed (didn't get the job but oh well). Different departments have different managers doing the short listing for these types of jobs. I imagine there's a bit of a backstory here of your mum being quite negative....

It seems there's more to this. You want to live to a different city, but you rearranged your interview because your mother had a hospital appointment? How will you manage looking after her when you move to a different city? It also sounds like she doesn't actually want you to leave, her continual putting you down is telling you she thinks you're no good and they don't want you (so stay here and look after me).

Well, she's 81 and it was a very long wait (the hospital appt). I didn't have the heart to let her go on her own. I live by 'respect your father and mother' and that. If you get me.

I absolutely understand that and respect your reasoning. Just think carefully, as she ages and needs you, how easy will it be for her by herself and you in another city? To arrange your days off to take her to her appointments or visit if she needs to stay in, or needs care at home?
Read some of the threads on here about caring for elderly parents. And think on that if she is negative now then she won't get any more positive going forward. Sorry.

OP says in the first sentence that the move is with her mother not away from her.

@Writerscompanion apologies. My mistake. Too early for me.

Your mum is chatting shit

Apply for jobs wherever you like. Good luck.

The interview won't have messed up any chances, honestly. However, it sounds like your relationship with your mum is holding you back in life. Both the level of duty you feel and the soul destroying way she talks to you. Does she have to move with you?

Your mum hide and realise how the economy works now. Nobody will remember what happened years ago. Just apply for any jobs you want.

Your mum lets you cancel an interview to go with her to a hospital appointment and then continually puts you down and discourages you from applying again? Hmmm. Methinks your mum has never wanted to move but wants to blame you for it rather than owning up to her own anxiety over the potential move.

Thank you all so far for your lovely replies. I'm truly grateful xx

I am so sure I read this yesterday. Was it deleted?

I think so, because when I tried to look at replies it was gone 😱.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/5168295-i-was-screamed-at-by-my-mum-because-i-dont-like-a-particular-food

They won't look back to applications from years ago. Why are you still living together, it sounds toxic and you are still defaulting into the parent/child roles.

Gosh, you're so right. I don't even realise it.

No, actually. I wouldn’t spend time with, far less live with, someone who continually criticised me, or ‘screamed’ at me for not liking a particular food.

She sounds vile. I'm sure you've been manipulated, controlled and made to feel guilty your whole life, so you don't know any better. But you really need to stop respecting people who have no respect for you - even if that person is your mother.
You mother is the one messing up your chances of a new/better life. But I can imagine it's extremely difficult to get away from her when she's been conditioning you all your life.

Wow. So true. I can't even see it myself 😕

But op, loads of people have been saying just this to you on your previous thread that I linked to.

I get that you are probably very anxious and also emeshed in your mum's processes, but when you start a new thread asking the same thing and when others respond in the same way, it feels as if you are being really dismissive of the posters on your first thread. Did you not believe what we said?

I just wanted to know really if any future employer will employ me with my past record. I feel I've messed them about and worry they'll remember me.

As we said in your other thread, it is very unlikely that the employers will remember you and presumably there are various other employers in the city also. You have been conditioned by your mum and I don't think you realise how much she is affecting you. I think it would be good if you could get some therapy to help you and ideally live separately from your mum. Honouring your parents does not mean doing everything they want.

You didn't get the second job because there were stronger applicant.
It's NHS, they get so many applicants if they had to track all it would be mental

Are you vulnerable or are you just grind down by your mum that you believe that? The support you need would be different in these scenarios. Because you do need some.

Kindly, you need to grow up and leave home.