Lazy 20 yo won’t get out of bed!!

[Lifeatsea23]

I’m at the end of my tether with my 20 year old son. He has a job he loves, not full time hours, just what’s available maybe 20-25 per week. I’ve done the battle to get him to get a second job and given up!! He loves his job, loves the people.

Anyway to get to my point….

He is late all the time to work, after them being beyond fair, they’ve given him a final warning. You would think this is the kick up the ar** he needs but no. After 4 days late again but snuck in unnoticed!

I took to setting multiple alarms on my phone to make sure he’s up, but I cannot do it any longer, feel I’m making it worse. More stress for me! Although it felt like the lesser of two evils.

He has low confidence and self esteem so I feel him loosing the job he will spiral down! Hence why I’ve been getting him up. Some from abandonment trauma from his birth father.

He tells me he loves his job and people but yet puts it in jeopardy!

I’m a single parent, I work & also have a disabled child who needs 24/7 care. My other older child is under assessment currently for ADHD. I just cannot do this anymore! It’s been going on for so long maybe 2 years now. I didn’t know what time he was at work today and busy with my disabled child, he was late again. I’ve no idea if he will have a job now. He pays a bit of rent, not enough to cover what I lost by him leaving education but he pays what’s proportionate to his minimum wage job.

looked into my WiFi to turn it off at midnight as he is possibly up late gaming but Sky don’t have the option? Apparently the Sky Buddy that did this was discontinued.

He does his own cleaning, washing, cooking unless I’m cooking a large meal like a stew, hotpot etc. Runs his own car. Pays rent to me on time. Contributes to a family holiday we’re going on. He just cannot get out of bed!

No responses to kick him out please I couldn’t live with myself my child homeless on the streets or sleeping in his car. No family who can help. I’ve no support. I also can’t afford for him to loose his job, nor can he! Very rural, no buses etc near us so he needs the car for work.

The only issue is him not getting up! He doesn’t start work until 10am earliest!!!! I’ve bought him an extra loud alarm too but it’s not helped. He has his phone & 2 other alarms! Sleeps through them!!!

Anyone been through this? What did you do? Sorry this is so long!!!

Did he lose his job @Lifeatsea23?

Thanks for all your replies. He’s still got his job, not sure how, don’t know how long for……

I’ve stopped getting him up he’s got to find a solution himself I’m afraid as I’ve tried for 2 years now and the stress of it plus the stress of being a single parent & parent carer is taking its toll along with my own physical health from lifting a disabled child and another child under adhd assessment with mental health difficulties. He’s even been late starting at 5pm before due to being asleep! He works shifts but not overnight. I bought an alarm with a vibrating pad to go under your pillow and when I asked recently he said he wasn’t using it!

As my other child is under assessment for adhd I’ve been looking at the information a lot and I can’t say I can tick one box for him.

I definitely do need the extra money but can’t charge him what he doesn’t have. I’ve cut back a lot to make up for him not contributing enough.

Re. Sleep apnea I will consider this. My disabled child suffers with it due to medical conditions. Also looking into him not being able to wake during a sleep cycle although i can’t solve that it’s him himself again, also if he went to bed earlier and slept long enough surely his body would be able to wake up?

I honestly think it’s gaming. He frequently sleeps with curtains open, bedroom light on, tv on all night. So daylight/light makes no difference. He has an Alexa he could use as an extra alarm too and chooses not to.

This week he’s allowed himself no extra time to get there in the cold/ice nor any extra time to de-ice the car even after a few conversations! I’ve tried long and hard enough so I’ve had to accept the situation for what it is.

I think he needs to help himself tbh. I’ve spoke to him about solutions, having a set bed/wake up time, Doctors and he’s doing nothing to help himself. So now if that means getting sacked it will have to be that 😞 as that will be the consequence. But no idea how he would hold down another job starting earlier! And no reference…

Luckily after juggling and a lot of badgering from me it’s only 2 days we struggle with our dog now and funnily since I’ve fitted a smart plug and lock it via the phone app he's been taking him out more. If he hasn’t walked our dog by my work lunch the plugs stayed locked until the next day.