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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

How often do you see young adult DC

40 replies

Palacelife · 22/11/2023 16:29

So those at Uni or moved away
my DS I see every few weeks maybe two months
I find it upsetting but think this is what happens! He’s in his last year of uni now

just wondering what people’s expectations and realities about this are?

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 22/11/2023 16:32

Mine are a bit older than that, 28 and 32. They both live locally. I see them about once a month, although I probably see the 28 year old a bit more as he’s single.

DramaAlpaca · 22/11/2023 16:34

One I see every day as he's still at home. The other two boys I'd see every few weeks but we talk or message often. It's fine with all of us, I think it's normal. Mine are older than yours, OP, so I reckon I've adjusted to it now.

Musicaltheatremum · 22/11/2023 16:42

My son is 28 lives in London. Not seen him since July and not chatted for ages. But I know we both care a lot for each other. He is busy, has a full time job and girlfriend. I've just asked him if he's coming home for Christmas...shame if he's not but nothing wrong if he wants to spend it with his girlfriend. Daughter used to see loads. She's 20m away but she's just started new job and I don't want to get in the way. We are in touch by phone/text regularly so it's fine.

swingtowin · 22/11/2023 17:06

I have one moved out, lives in same town and probably see him every week or do but message often. The others are still here 🙄

Floofydawg · 22/11/2023 17:21

Every couple of months...at uni a couple of hours away. We facetime at least once a week and text every day though. It's fine, she has her own life and is happy.

PhotoDad · 22/11/2023 18:07

DD is in uni, year 2. Comes home at holidays. I'm a teacher, and generally visit during half-terms (she doesn't get a 'reading week').

Ragwort · 22/11/2023 18:10

When my DS was at Uni we met approx once a month, WhatsApp most days. He's currently working overseas for at least six months so I won't see him until he gets back .. but he may extend it. We still message at least every day and a phone call once a week.

Lizzbear · 22/11/2023 18:12

When my ds was at uni it's every time he needs his washing done! Seriously, every 3 or 4 weeks and I'd really miss him.
He's finished now and living at home, that's a new thread altogether!!

Hbh17 · 22/11/2023 18:13

My perception as an oldie, but without kids, is that young adults now see their parents far more than we ever did. We would go off to university at the start of term, and not see parents until 10 weeks later, at the end. One short phone call or letter per week, and that was grudging! Now my friends' kids seem to be popping back every two or three weeks and never off the phone. It feels very odd to me, as I think young people need to properly disconnect in order to make their own way, but clearly I'm out of touch.

weegiemum · 22/11/2023 18:29

Youngest dd2 is 19 and still lives at home, working. See her most days, unless she's at her boyfriends house.

Middle child ds is at uni in our city and lives in a flat with mates. He's 21. He calls me several times a week (mummy's boy) and see him about once a week for washing/shopping/warm place to sit!!

Oldest dd1 is 23 and living with her boyfriend, she's just graduated and is waitressing while she job hunts. They've just been evicted and are moving back in here on 1st December until they buy a place (they're ready to go with mortgage offer etc as her boyfriend has a good job) so hopefully not for too long or we'll go mental! So now I see her about once a fortnight but that's going to be daily again!!

ErrolTheDragon · 22/11/2023 18:36

She's finished uni and working ~200 miles away. When she was at uni she only got home in the vacations (well... apart from 2020 and 2021 of course!) Now it's about 4 or 5 times a year, mostly coming home but we usually visit her once or twice. This year she was able to go on holiday with us which was lovely,

AuntieMarys · 22/11/2023 18:40

Mine both live in London. See 1 3 or 4 times a year,the other more like 6/ 7 times

LaBelleSauvage123 · 22/11/2023 18:42

DS is in final year at uni 6 hrs away, so he comes home at Christmas, Easter and (up to now) for a few weeks in the summer. DH and I try to visit once a term. We Zoom or phone once a week or more often if there's news to share - WhatsApp anthing from daily to a few times a week. He wants to stay in his uni area and get a job as soon as he graduates ( saving to do a doctorate) so won't be coming home this year in the summer. Has a serious gf who is from the same area so I think he will settle there and we just won't have the 'popping in' type of relationship. I miss him of course but he is SO happy there that I can't be sad.

Kitkat1523 · 22/11/2023 18:46

My DD lives local ( 15 mins) see her 3 to 4 times a week….My DS2 lives 30 miles away …see him weekly…..my DS1 lives in Canada…..see home around 3 to 4 times a year

Mumblechum0 · 22/11/2023 18:47

Every month or so. He’s married and is 2 hours drive away. I think that’s fine and we text a couple of times a week

Kitkat1523 · 22/11/2023 18:48

Hbh17 · 22/11/2023 18:13

My perception as an oldie, but without kids, is that young adults now see their parents far more than we ever did. We would go off to university at the start of term, and not see parents until 10 weeks later, at the end. One short phone call or letter per week, and that was grudging! Now my friends' kids seem to be popping back every two or three weeks and never off the phone. It feels very odd to me, as I think young people need to properly disconnect in order to make their own way, but clearly I'm out of touch.

I’m 58, likely a similar age to you…..I find it very odd that you think that AC need to disconnect with their parents in order to make their own way

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 22/11/2023 18:49

Mine lives 10 minutes away.

We are in touch several times a day. We have a ‘cat’ group on WhatsApp. Mainly me and Dd worshipping his catGrin

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 22/11/2023 18:52

*Hbh17 · Today 18:13

My perception as an oldie, but without kids, is that young adults now see their parents far more than we ever did. We would go off to university at the start of term, and not see parents until 10 weeks later, at the end. One short phone call or letter per week, and that was grudging! Now my friends' kids seem to be popping back every two or three weeks and never off the phone. It feels very odd to me, as I think young people need to properly disconnect in order to make their own way, but clearly I'm out of touch*

Im 59. I phoned home every 4 days or so ( more if l was struggling!) and went home once a month. Most people went home often. I don’t know anyone who waited a whole term.

Almondmum · 22/11/2023 18:54

My eldest is in first year of uni around an hour's drive away. I see her every 2 or 3 weeks, either because I go there or she pops home. We text most days and face time once a week or so. She's very happy and settled there with an active social life but loves seeing us too. Which is nice! I think her younger brother will be very different.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/11/2023 19:00

Hbh17 · 22/11/2023 18:13

My perception as an oldie, but without kids, is that young adults now see their parents far more than we ever did. We would go off to university at the start of term, and not see parents until 10 weeks later, at the end. One short phone call or letter per week, and that was grudging! Now my friends' kids seem to be popping back every two or three weeks and never off the phone. It feels very odd to me, as I think young people need to properly disconnect in order to make their own way, but clearly I'm out of touch.

I'm 62 and had that sort of pattern - going home mid term would have been a long train trip and expensive, phoning entailed a queue with a phone card...

Don't agree re 'disconnecting', it's more that they need to be their own person and develop self-reliance, but they're still connected and our dd absolutely knows we're here for her if she needs anything.

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/11/2023 19:00

My youngest (20) is at University not too far away and has so far (in his first term) come back 3 times ... but mainly for parties in London and to see his London friends! We love seeing him fleetingly though.

My oldest was a 3 hour train ride away at Uni through the pandemic and we saw her maybe once or twice a term in between holidays. Then she moved 400 miles away (so 3 or 4 times in that year) now she lives almost on the other side of the world and I cannot wait to see her at Christmas!

DH and I are both adult children of parents still living. His live 3 hours drive away and mine lives 2.5 hours drive away. I see mine at least once a month now as she's very old, he sees his perhaps every other month.

Neverendingstory2 · 22/11/2023 19:01

I see mine every day as she lives with me 😂

but when she was in college I only saw her on breaks so about twice every 4 months.

Stomacharmeleon · 22/11/2023 19:08

Ds1- text weekly. See couple of times a year (26) expecting first baby with girlfriend so hoping it will improve.

Ds2 (22)- text lots every other day? See weekly.

Ds3-(19) at uni. Texts weekly. See in holidays.

Ds1 and 3 are both asd and see contact as perfunctory not ' how are you?' More 'can you help with xyz?'

lljkk · 22/11/2023 19:28
  1. Working out of UK. Spoke to him via WhatsApp on Sunday; last seen in the flesh 3 months ago
  2. Student 3 hours away, doing some work for me, actually, brief chat today, saw in person 2 months ago; will see in person in 3 weeks, comes 'home' every 3-6 months.
  3. Student 4 hours away, I need to chat to him, last seen in person 2 months ago, next will see in 3-4 weeks. never comes back mid-term.
elastamum · 22/11/2023 19:33

One in London, every couple of months. Call once a week. One in Canada. Eight hours time difference. See him twice a year maybe, chat every week or so depending on his work schedule.