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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

'Keep' - 22% of income too much?

49 replies

naughtynovie · 03/11/2023 07:04

Adult dd is currently living at home. She has just secured a FT job paying around £1800 net/month. Trying to consider what might be a fair 'keep' to charge her. 22% would be around £400. This would leave her £1400 to spend on just her and any additional, special' foods/personal toiletries/make-up etc she might want. I'd provide the basics like pasta, meat, etc.

Does this seem fair? It's a far greater remaining amount she'd have than I do (I work FT too but no mortgage). I don't feel easy about charging but I'm a single income household with an additional teen at home in FT education.

OP posts:
buckingmad · 03/11/2023 07:09

I personally wouldn’t and my parents didn’t. They were going to take “rent” off me and keep it aside to return back as a deposit but I was good at saving anyway so they didn’t bother. Living at home rent free allowed me to get on the property market in the south east at 25 with my now husband and has set me up for the rest of my life and I will always be grateful to them for that.

But if you need the money then that is different so yes, your house you can do what you want.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 03/11/2023 07:35

I think it's fair. Sit her down and show her the bills and how much they come to. Don't forget to talk about repairs and the cost of replacing things like mattresses and kettles.

JustAMinutePleass · 03/11/2023 07:41

How fair this is depends on where you live and what else you expect her to do for that £400. In some areas £400 / mth can get you a one bed flat or houseshare including all bills (and food). In others it’s a really good deal.

In either case her paying you money is temporary and so if you’re struggling to the point where you need £400/mth you really need to find alternative strategies long term

RaininSummer · 03/11/2023 07:46

It's fair. Ignore all these people who would never take money from their adult offspring. It's not teaching them anything about living within their means and adults need to pay their way.

Uggquestion · 03/11/2023 07:49

Unless you're really struggling,I wouldn't.

If you can't manage without that money you need to work out how to manage your finances differently.

You'll have her with you for far longer if she's not able to save much. It's a low wage.

pilates · 03/11/2023 07:54

Sounds fair enough if you’re paying for all bills and food

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 03/11/2023 07:57

Sounds reasonable to me and I would be encouraging them to save some of the remaining money as well as that's a lot to fritter every month.

countrygirl99 · 03/11/2023 07:58

Presumably she eats food and adds to the utility bills. What in earth shouldn't an adult bringing in £1800 a month net expect to have those paid for.
Also I'd love to know where £400 would cover renting a room, bills and food.

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 03/11/2023 07:58

All mine have been a third rent third savings third spends.

Mummymummy89 · 03/11/2023 07:59

400pcm is a lot, even in London (you don't say where you are). I think you're basically expecting her to subsidise her sibling. It's irrelevant what your disposable income is: you've chosen to have a second child who is your responsibility to raise, so you're going to have outgoings she can't expect to have.

You have no mortgage so DD should only have to contribute a third share of utilities, council tax and food, imo. I'd be surprised if that comes to 400pcm, but I suppose that depends where you are.

Your reference to pasta isn't relevant I think - basics like that come to tens a month, not hundreds...!

Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 03/11/2023 07:59

Absolutely agree adult dcs with FT jobs should contribute. If she didn't live with you, your costs would be lower so she should at least cover that portion. Food, water, energy all cost more for more people consuming. If you are single you would get a 25% council tax reduction. My dc also uses my car, and whilst they put in petrol every now and again, I pay tax and insurance and all maintenance.

For my eldest I request 300pm on a take home of £1600. He's saved 6k in the last year and has a very nice lifestyle, buying everything he wants. If he was living alone even in a house share he would be paying 400 plus bills. He would need to sort his own transport so either run a car or pay for public transport and taxis. He would also have the labour of sorting all the bills, doing the shopping, making dinner every night.

In terms of helping around the house, he manages his own room, laundry and en suite. He has a weekly job of cleaning the kitchen and takes a turn with filling the dishwasher and putting the bins out. He cooks once or twice a week for the family.

I'm sure other posters may disagree, but I'm not about skinting myself whilst my adult dc gets to keep 100% of their take home.

RaininSummer · 03/11/2023 08:00

I wouldn't say it was a low wage either. Not far shy of 30,000 a year.

Doingmybest12 · 03/11/2023 08:03

If you've worked out what they cost you to be at home that's fair and reasonable. I wouldn't look to make a profit but they should pay their way on a full time wage.

Honeychickpea · 03/11/2023 08:04

On that income i would expect her to contribute 600 a month.

GinBlossom94 · 03/11/2023 08:16

My adult DCs pay 25% a month. This includes all their food, bills and laundry services. I paid 1/3 when I lived at home so they get a better deal than I did lol

GoBackRewind · 03/11/2023 08:19

My kids are at uni/school so no charge yet. A young adult relative lives with us though and they contribute £200 a month which covers their food and electricity. Nothing else increases with them being here. They’re saving for a deposit so we’re happy with that. Obviously they contribute to our household in other ways like cooking etc. I don’t think it’s right to make a profit and I believe it should be cheaper for them to live at home so never understand the comments on threads like this about it being more expensive if they got their own place.

GinBlossom94 · 03/11/2023 08:19

I will add one is on apprenticeship wage and one works various hours atm, I'm not "profiting" here as so many posters like to make out

SecondUsername4me · 03/11/2023 08:20

20% entirely fair. And they should pay their own phone, car costs and clothing (outside of gifts).

Overthebow · 03/11/2023 08:22

Depends how much you need it and what you’re planning on doing with it. You could take it, keep half yourself and save half for her to give back later?

GoBackRewind · 03/11/2023 08:24

I will add one is on apprenticeship wage and one works various hours atm, I'm not "profiting" here as so many posters like to make out

If you’re not making a profit then it’s not aimed at you is it. 😅

Do you have a cleaner who does all laundry? Or do you mean you do all their laundry?

stripybluesocks · 03/11/2023 08:26

My adult children pay what they cost me, ie a share of council tax and utility bills - and they buy food for the whole household regularly - we share cooking a bit and eat independently a bit too. It comes to about £100 a month. They are saving for house deposits, how could they do that if I charged them rent?

dothehokeycokey · 03/11/2023 08:49

Ignore the posters saying they wouldn't take anything op

It's not about if you can afford to have them there is it.

It's about an independent adult earning an adult wage and learning about real life Hmm

Why shouldn't they pay their way??

Yes things are expensive now but it's no different to when we were younger.

I paid keep to my parents on an apprenticeship and gave them 25% every month.

I also had to pay may own phone bill and travel and save and have a social life. It was bloody hard but the further into my career I got the more I got laid and eventually in my early twenties moved into my own place.

I knew how to budget and what was classes as a need and a want which a lot of people now adays really have no idea about.

I've worked my absolute arse off and am reaping the benefits and it's thanks to my parents teaching me to budget and have a work ethic.

I have done the same with my dc.

My eldest was helped with a first car and money towards insurance for the first year then it was down to them.

Same with the next one.

Once they were out of training and into a full time job they have contributed 20% to the household.

It gets put into two separate pots.

1 is into the household account and the other is for things like recently young adult ds needed a new bed and mattress so it paid for that

Their phone bill also comes out of that account.

I don't see the issue with them paying towards their living as it teaches them

BlueStockingTimes · 03/11/2023 09:03

DS brings home just a fraction more than your DD a month. He pays £65 per week and is saving for a deposit for a house and that is why he is paying just a small amount. He also does a share of chores.

We do not need this money at all but I completely disagree with adult children living for free it teaches them nothing and so many people are financially incompetent it’s frightening.

muchalover · 03/11/2023 09:10

My son pays £700 and earns slightly more than OP DD

He still has plenty left over and saves.

We just split the bills 50/50.

He also looks after all the pets, and sometimes cooks, gardens, does DIY and cleans (we have an agreement).

AuntieMarys · 03/11/2023 09:16

My dcs post graduation lived at home for 18 months to save for a flat deposit.....they saved £1500 a month each and £250 each for food/ bills etc. They were expected to cook and clean, and generally behave as adults as opposed to teenagers.
Both bought properties at 23.