'Keep' - 22% of income too much?

[naughtynovie]

Adult dd is currently living at home. She has just secured a FT job paying around £1800 net/month. Trying to consider what might be a fair 'keep' to charge her. 22% would be around £400. This would leave her £1400 to spend on just her and any additional, special' foods/personal toiletries/make-up etc she might want. I'd provide the basics like pasta, meat, etc.

Does this seem fair? It's a far greater remaining amount she'd have than I do (I work FT too but no mortgage). I don't feel easy about charging but I'm a single income household with an additional teen at home in FT education.

I'd expect my dc to contribute to the household financially. How much depends on many things. How much do you need the money? If I could afford it, I'd take £400, and put £200 of it in a LISA and use the rest towards bills.

Wow. A houseshare in London can be 800-900/mth all in and he wouldn’t need to do everything else for you.

If not in education, then I expect my remaining DD at home, 21, to pay rent. She pays £200 monthly (but makes less than your DD). She gets a great deal as we pay for her on weekly expensive takeaways (delivered) and more. What she doesn't know is that I'm putting it away for her, but only because I can afford it.

I am firmly in the an adult should pay their way. Yes there are advantages to living with their family at home, but it is important for them to start contributing to the costs of a home.

I think what you have suggested OP is about right. Plus you should no longer be paying for mobile phone contract or anything similar.

Whether you can afford to help them save up for a mortgage is something separate and different.

Maybe I am hard, but an adult, making their own decisions and earning a wage should always contribute.

I think it's fair. I think it's also good preparation for when she moves out and has rent / bills to pay. It's hard to get used to having lots of disposable income then having to adjust to those things and this is giving her a taste, but also leaving her with a very decent disposable income to enjoy.

It costs money to live and she's a working adult now, so there's no reason why she shouldn't be contributing to those costs. It's still a much better deal than living out of the home.

I do think though, that if someone is paying to live somewhere that should give them a say in how the household cohabits. So I don't think it's fair to charge living costs and then be all 'my house, my rules' - paying should give her more autonomy (similar to having a lodger).

How have you arrived at £400? Is it the figure that will ease your finances or does it relate to the costs of her living there? I'd do the latter in your situation - estimate her proportion of food, bills, services etc. It doesn't seem fair that she should fund her sibling's costs though.

Interesting discussion on here. I would personally have looked at it from the point of view of what is a fair split among the adults in the household of the costs of what is being provided for her rather than a percentage of her salary (or whether she’d have more remaining after paying for essentials than you do - this is in my eyes irrelevant, she is in a totally different phase of life without the same responsibilities). In your case that’s food and utilities/council tax etc.

I guess if her salary was super low or local costs super high I’d work out that figure but might then be tempted to subsidise it a little if I can afford it on a temporary basis so that entry into the world of work isn’t such a shock. £400 out of her wages seems ok though.

As the house is mortgage free I’m not sure if I’d charge for housing costs (I would if you were paying rent or mortgage), but I can also see if she wasn’t living with you she’d have housing costs to pay and so it’s maybe not unreasonable to charge for that as well, particularly if you really need the money (if you don’t then I’d allow her to set that amount of money aside for savings for a future deposit for housing). I agree she shouldn’t be covering sibling costs per se etc (it’s not her child) but if the reality is that you simply need the money that you could fairly charge a lodger, then that’s ok. I agree with others if she’s paying full whack like a stranger would if they lived with you as a lodger they should have similar rights and independence.

I agree with others that it’s not doing young adults any favours to make them feel they don’t need to pay their way. In fact I think it’s becoming a real problem, with lots of younger adults still living at home and often not having to meet the “real” costs of living, in my opinion it is leading to wage depression as employers are finding people able and willing to accept jobs that pay a salary that is not liveable on if you are not a young adult able to live at home and be heavily subsidised by your parents.

Sorry forgot about this thread. I just did the disclaimer as a lot on MN think you're the devil for charging dig money. Also, I am the cleaner/cook/laundry service provider

I think basing your amount on a proportion of her income isn't the way to go. This doesn't happen when you rent normally and I know that my kids are currently paying just over £420 a month for their rent in shared houses with friends, so this figure seems very high if she's living at home.

If she's looking to move out in the next year or so, you should consider that she will also be trying to save money that she earns and the more she pays you monthly, the longer it will take her to save. There are of course other factors, is she paying for her own phone bill, does she use the family car on a regular basis etc? I think charging your child is fair but it's important to remember that she is also young and shouldn't be faced with the same financial responsibilities as a parent does. I would ask for a lower contribution, expect her to help with cooking/cleaning and encourage her to save her income to rent a place of her own sooner rather than later.

I worked out roughly how much extra my daughter living at home generates in food and bills and I came up with a figure of £45 per week. She earns between £1,500-£1,800 per month before tax so I reckon that leaves her with roughly £1000-£1,200 per month in her pocket and to run her car with.

I think basing your amount on a proportion of her income isn't the way to go. This doesn't happen when you rent normally and I know that my kids are currently paying just over £420 a month for their rent in shared houses with friends, so this figure seems very high if she's living at home.

Whilst I agree with you that it shouldn't be a percentage (no incentive to do overtime or get a higher paid job) don;t forget that £420 per month rent will not include bills, share of council tax, wifi or food.

£400 is a very appropriate amount. She will not be able to get that kind of deal out on her own. For most single people moving out, their rent will cost a minimum of one third of their income.

PS this isn't about what it costs you, so don't calculate it, what you are doing is instilling forced budgeting in her, which is an invaluable life skill. We have an epidemic of overgrown children who can't manage money in this country and it's often because they're never shown the realities of handling their income.

My DD has lived at home with us pretty much since Covid. When she was a student she didn't pay rent/bills as we/she were still having to cover those in her university city(no refunds during covid restrictions). When she started working, she started paying £100 per week. She has managed to save several thousands of pounds and fully-funded 5 months travel in south-east Asia (with lots of treats). Now she has a job in London and wants to move to a house-share, typical cost £1200 per month plus bills. So feels £400 per month was/is very reasonable for rent, bills, food, transportation costs etc. Plus it enabled her to save, whilst allowing her to appreciate that adult life has costs.

I think that’s entirely fair and whether or not others choose to not ask their adult DC for a contribution is irrelevant.

I would sit down with her and show her all your monthly outgoings and explain exactly what running a household costs.

It’s a very useful life lesson imo for young people to learn that living isn’t free unfortunately and bills need to be paid.

I would also ask that it’s set up as a standing order to transfer on each payday rather than manually transferring it, simply because that’s how I do all my regular bills and I think it’s a good habit to get into.

She’s still got a lot more money spare for personal use than a lot of adults & she wouldn’t get a room in a house share for that amount, let alone a flat on her own.

Working adults, no longer in education, should contribute both financially and practically whereever they choose to live.

It stunts their maturity, development to independence, denies their status of being an adult and breeds a sense of entitlement to infantise them with a free ride and essentially gifting to them every month excessive disposable income.

I would take £250 in those circumstances OP ….£400 seems too much

If you don't have a mortgage to pay it seems a lot. Personally I wouldn't charge at all on the basis she was saving to move out. Earning that amount she could easily save £1000 a month with her minimal outgoings.
That was the agreement I had with my parents, they couldn't afford to gift deposits etc but when I graduated at 22 I moved home for just under 2 years, then bought a flat. It taught me to save and be responsible, it also got me on the property ladder

I also contributed in other ways, I did at least half of the family meal cooking, and did my fair share of general housework, laundry etc. I would also pick my mum and dad up from the pub once a month when they went out with friends so they could both drink and not need a taxi. So not being charged rent didn't make me spoiled an incapable in the adult world 🙄

If she is still ending up with more disposable income than you it is definitely fair.

You are paying more council tax due to a second adult, she is eating food, using water & electricity etc.

Massively cheaper for her than renting elsewhere.

I don't think the % thing makes sense but I think £400 sounds like a fairly reasonable figure.

Council tax varies a lot across the country but I would guess losing the single person discount probably costs you £50 a month, food say £200/month (depends how much meat she eats, might be a bit less, might be a bit more if she eats a lot of salmon or whatever), £50 for everything else (increased utilities, things like cleaning products/toilet paper, use of your car if applicable)

Charge the 400 but save half. Then in a few years when she moves out you can give the saved money back when she moves out to furnish her own place :) that's what my mum did!

I would also suggest don't charge then save for them. How are adults going to learn to budget, save, learn restraint from spending frivolously if you continue to do it all for them? I know, as been there done that adult it can be frustrating seeing them "waste" money, but it is the time to step back. Let them get the satisfaction of saving for themselves.

Advise them to save and how to save, talk about saving for goals and independence, talk about the financial services that are available to them (ISAs, LISAs, interest rates, compounding interest, stocks/shares, pensions) and how their savings will grow. Explain about types of and the real cost of debt and how it can easily get out of control. Mortgages and deposits vs renting.

I'd kill for £1400 disposable income. As PP said if you're taking £400 maybe put ,£250 towards bills and £150 in an account so when she asks for a deposit 'loan' you've already got something?

Yes I think it's fair.