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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

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33 replies

Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 08:02

I managed to burn my foot quite badly with a kettle of boiling water a week ago. I messaged my daughter who lives abroad. apart from others, and as yet I've heard absolutely nothing from her. I feel hurt by this as it makes me feel she doesn't care. Any thoughts on this. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself as I'm stuck at home and have been told not to walk on it but I feel so hurt by this.

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 28/10/2023 08:52

That sounds very hurtful indeed, to ignore your injured mum is callous and uncaring. If you were my mum and I didn't live within visiting distance, I would be phoning every day and sending flowers to cheer you up a little.

I hope you feel better soon and perhaps there is a reason for your daughter's silence, I do hope so.

trader21c · 28/10/2023 08:57

Yes I’d feel a bit hurt by that too - hopefully you’ll hear from her soon?

maryberryslayers · 28/10/2023 09:00

Do you normally talk to her, or are you trying to use guilt to get a response from a daughter who has chosen to have little contact with you?

AuntieMarys · 28/10/2023 09:01

Has she seen the message?

justalittlesnoel · 28/10/2023 09:03

Do you have a good relationship with her normally? Is she still in contact with others / using social media as normal? (Is she actually okay?)

Hopefully it's a case of broken phone or similar? I can't imagine not responding to my mum if she text me similar, however we currently have a good relationship.

Original poster
Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:05

I thought we had a good relationship and when I got covid she messaged me every day and yes she saw the message about my foot over a week ago. I can see that she is online sometimes on WhatsApp so no broken phone.

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Original poster
Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:08

Not trying to guilt at all. She lives the other side of the world and once I didn't tell her about something that had happened and she told me off so thought I was doing the right thing. I always thought we were close but maybe now it is out of sight out of mind

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Original poster
Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:09

Yes on whatsapp

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ssd · 28/10/2023 10:18

It does sound like out of sight out of mind.
And very hurtful too.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/10/2023 10:22

I would be a bit worried about it actually if it's out of character. I would be giving her a call and checking she was okay.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/10/2023 10:22

I am so sorry that you hurt your foot. That sounds incredibly painful.

MunchkinExpress · 28/10/2023 10:49

Did you post a pic on WA of your foot? Why don't you ring her and check if she's ok?!

MunchkinExpress · 28/10/2023 10:51

Also if this was a week ago why haven't you spoken /text in a week?

Alargeoneplease89 · 28/10/2023 10:53

WhatsApp are having problems, some of my messages have been wiped, not sent or received.

Original poster
Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:57

I tried but she didn't answer maybe out as time difference is 7 hours ahead

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Original poster
Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:58

Yes I did but if I call her I didn't want to make her feel guilty if she didn't want to speak to me for some reason

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Original poster
Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:59

Her job is very full on and she is married so don't want to bother all the time as she has her own life

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Doesanyoneknowwhattheyaredoing · 28/10/2023 11:03

She maybe thinks your injury is minor. Maybe post a photo with “it’s getting better - should be able to walk again soon” type of message. I live abroad and sometimes I get so many messages about things from my mum that it can be hard to decide if they are serious or not

graceinspace999 · 28/10/2023 11:14

maryberryslayers · 28/10/2023 09:00

Do you normally talk to her, or are you trying to use guilt to get a response from a daughter who has chosen to have little contact with you?

Why the snippy remark?

It seems customary to take a poster at their word unless….

… the poster is the mother of an adult child or an in law.

One day many of us will be mothers of adult children or in laws - is that when we all grow horns?

MunchkinExpress · 29/10/2023 00:27

Annie1955 · 28/10/2023 10:58

Yes I did but if I call her I didn't want to make her feel guilty if she didn't want to speak to me for some reason

Please Annie, be the bigger person. She's your daughter. You've said yourself she has a busy life/career, she's miles from family ... just pick up the phone and check in on her.

Do not fall out over what is potentially a one way situation. She's probably so busy either with work, or stressful relationships/work over there, going through a bad spell.... just think back to what you were dealing with early in your career.

RememberToSmile1980 · 29/10/2023 08:35

I'm sorry but OP is right to be upset. I've seen a friend be ignored by her child, and it hurt her very much. It only takes a couple of seconds to reply. OP I would advise you do text again and update her. Ask her why she's not responded. At the end of the day she is getting on with her own life and you are not a burden on her. Hope you feel better soon and it doesn't take too long to heal.

Original poster
Annie1955 · 29/10/2023 09:42

Thank you for your words, I did message her again saying I loved her and hoped she was OK and not sure why she hadn't responded previously. She's seen message but no response. I now have no idea how to move forward as it is so hurtful and I feel lost

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Original poster
Annie1955 · 29/10/2023 09:44

I tried to phone today, Sunday, they are now 8 hours ahead, so answer. I then sent a WhatsApp saying I loved her and hoped she was OK as I was concerned I hadn't received response from previous message, been read but still nothing 😞

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RememberToSmile1980 · 29/10/2023 10:21

You've reached out to her. See what she does next. I'm sorry you are being treated like this, however, maybe something has happened with her. Hope it gets sorted.

ssd · 29/10/2023 10:40

There must be a back story here.

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