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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

My 18yr DS using and dealing

46 replies

Araic40 · 22/09/2023 10:25

Is there anyone on here that has a successful story about DS dealing and using cocaine?
He is 18 and is debt of nearly 20k to his dealers, they want 2.5k paid off a week.
Is there any way that when he pays his last installment to them that he can actually walk away without them throwing more at him to keep him selling for them?
I'm desperate, I can't call the police because he will be arrested and I will have to end up paying his debt for him, which I can't do.

OP posts:
BindyCeale · 22/09/2023 10:42

Where would an 18 year old get 2.5k a week, so 10k a month?

Freezingcoldinseptember · 22/09/2023 10:43

Ultimately only the police and a boat load of trouble will stop this. Yabu to even consider his debt to be yours.... He needs to shop the lot of them and move away.

RudsyFarmer · 22/09/2023 10:44

Your best bet is calling the police to be honest as he is very, very likely to end up badly injured or dead if he is in debt to criminals. These people don’t mess around.

Hohofortherobbers · 22/09/2023 10:46

Police sound like the only option, is he in danger of veing harmed by them? He won't be able to keep up the repayments and what's to stop his debt escalating further, has he stopped using? Can you get advice from the talk to frank helpline?

RudsyFarmer · 22/09/2023 10:46

To add if they are going to come after you for the debt then you must do everything you can to keep yourself safe. Come off all social media and move if you can. I don’t know if the police offer safe houses in these instances but you need to start shouting for help.

Crabwoman · 22/09/2023 10:49

BindyCeale · 22/09/2023 10:42

Where would an 18 year old get 2.5k a week, so 10k a month?

They pay the debt off by selling drugs for the dealers.

Some kids and young people 'have to' do this end up doing this after running up a huge debt.

Some are specifically targeted and groomed by dealers in County Lines operations.

OP I'm sorry but I can't offer any more advice other than what others have said.

Mischance · 22/09/2023 10:53

I am sorry that you have this terrible worry hanging over you. Even if you were able to raise the cash to bail him out it would not stop there - the dealers would think they have got themselves a cash cow and simply continue to threaten him/you for more cash. I have seen this happening with my nephew.

Police is the only way to go - and to be honest whatever you do there are risks. Serious ones. These drug dealers are ruthless.

Talk to Frank has a helpine: 0300 1236600. Seek their advice.

LetItGoHome · 22/09/2023 10:54

I can't see any way out of this other than involving the police. How does he intend to pay back that weekly amount? Surely he will be digging himself into more crime and trouble by dealing to be raising those types of funds? I think it's got to be tough love.

Zola1 · 22/09/2023 10:58

Has he used 20k of coke...this seems like he would have a serious addiction... or is there something more here? Like, are they putting additional charges on his bill...has he lost or stolen something? Has he had something stolen from him to create a debt?

Original poster
Araic40 · 22/09/2023 12:25

He hasn't used the 20k of coke. He has to sell it for them. We bailed him out a few months ago when I first found out and when he went to pay the last payment they threw more coke at him, and said he could take it and sell it and pay them or have to pay them regardless if he left it on the side of the road. This is what he told me which I only found out the last few days. He has to make 2.5k a week by selling it for them. I can't move, I own my home it would take forever to sell and go. I just want to know if anyone has come out the other side of this, how was the last payment made so they can't throw more at him to sell.. I'm thinking revolut the last payment to him myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Araic40 · 22/09/2023 12:32

@Mischance is your nephew out of it now?

OP posts:
cruffinsmuffin · 22/09/2023 12:33

Araic40 · 22/09/2023 12:25

He hasn't used the 20k of coke. He has to sell it for them. We bailed him out a few months ago when I first found out and when he went to pay the last payment they threw more coke at him, and said he could take it and sell it and pay them or have to pay them regardless if he left it on the side of the road. This is what he told me which I only found out the last few days. He has to make 2.5k a week by selling it for them. I can't move, I own my home it would take forever to sell and go. I just want to know if anyone has come out the other side of this, how was the last payment made so they can't throw more at him to sell.. I'm thinking revolut the last payment to him myself?

They'll do the same to him again, that's what they do to keep people involved.

Goldflap · 22/09/2023 12:46

If you go to the police you are basically telling them your son is a drug dealer, they might not see him as a victim.

Does he want out ?

If I were you I'd seek out local support from youth workers/ charities they will have very specific local knowledge and will have supported people in similar situations.
As PP suggested try ringing Frank or look up what your local authority is doing about County Lines they will be doing something and you will find help there.

There is a way out the bigger dealers just don't want him to feel like there is.

themez · 22/09/2023 12:58

This is a police matter. Your son I won't get out of this until you seek proper help.

Original poster
Araic40 · 22/09/2023 13:03

He says he wants out but it's very hard to believe a word that comes out if his mouth at this stage. He is so deep in it, he even has dealers under him. Its gotten completely out of control!
If I hand him over to the police there is the fear that his debt falls on me then.
Then he gets prison time and he could well be groomed inside there by more of them, to come out even worse.
I'm at my wits end by him, people get out of this, I know they do, I just want to know how?

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 22/09/2023 13:07

Oh OP, what an absolute nightmare. I think that unfortunately this is 'too big' for you to be able to sort out. It'll likely end up with the police and perhaps for everybody's safety, the sooner the better.

Betty000 · 22/09/2023 13:15

They will keep adding onto his debt. You need to go to police and get him relocated for a while. It will not go away by itself. Speak to a local drug charity for advice in the first instance, they would have seen this scenario many times and are best placed to advise you and your son.

Cowlover89 · 22/09/2023 13:15

You need to call the police.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 22/09/2023 13:16

I usually have no faith in our police system but your ds needs help way beyond your capabilities op. Maybe jail time wont be as bad as his life currently is.. He can get qualifications and come out with begwr job prospects than the local drug dealer..

themez · 22/09/2023 13:21

Police. This will not get better without police intervention. Ultimately he could end up getting hurt physically if this isn't put an end to.

Poppyblush · 22/09/2023 13:23

You have no other option other than to involve the police, because if you pay it off, they would just extend his debt and make shit up so call the police and deal with the outcome.

Mrsttcno1 · 22/09/2023 13:39

Honestly, there isn’t really a way out of it without police involvement.

My sisters ex boyfriend was exactly like this. He had just been buying coke for personal use, and then one day wanted some but didn’t have the money to pay for it so they said he could sell some to pay the debt instead. It escalated from there into exactly the situation you describe here, by the time he realised the horrible situation he was in and wanted out, there was no way out. Every time he repaid his debt, they’d push him more to sell, every time he said no they’d add “interest” and say he still owed them £x so he had to work that off. It’s never ending, and while you still live in the same area as them he will never be out of it, because he could always bump into them, see them, and the cycle will never end.

Once you’re in that situation, it really is a debt that’s never repaid. The only way out is police & relocation, get him out of their grasp.

My sister left that boy for that reason, he made all the noises about wanting out but wouldn’t actually do anything about it. He swore blind he would be out within a year. That was 3 years ago, and he’s still exactly the same now.

Cowlover89 · 22/09/2023 13:43

Freezingcoldinseptember · 22/09/2023 10:43

Ultimately only the police and a boat load of trouble will stop this. Yabu to even consider his debt to be yours.... He needs to shop the lot of them and move away.

Don't ever be a rat. Never ends well

Goldencup · 22/09/2023 13:50

Sorry to jum on your thread but I stood behind a young lad at the post office this morning around 8:30 am, who was paying £900 in cash, had grubby clothes on, socks and sliders he didn't look all that well off. The post office staff didn't seem bothered, it struck me as unusal , would you report ? talk to the staff ? or leave my sticky beak out ?

Blough · 22/09/2023 14:01

Goldencup · 22/09/2023 13:50

Sorry to jum on your thread but I stood behind a young lad at the post office this morning around 8:30 am, who was paying £900 in cash, had grubby clothes on, socks and sliders he didn't look all that well off. The post office staff didn't seem bothered, it struck me as unusal , would you report ? talk to the staff ? or leave my sticky beak out ?

What? 'report' what, to whom?
Hello police, I'd like to report a fella looking too trampy to have £900. 😄
Companies that handle money like that have strict criteria they have to follow due to money laundering, do you think you know better than them? Try not to judge people by their clothes.