Page 2 | My 18yr DS using and dealing

Araic40 · 2023-09-22T09:25:29+00:00

Is there anyone on here that has a successful story about DS dealing and using cocaine? He is 18 and is debt of nearly 20k to his dealers, they want 2.5k paid off a week. Is there any way that when he pays his last installment to them that he can actually walk away without them throwing more at him to keep him selling for them? I'm desperate, I can't call the police because he will be arrested and I will have to end up paying his debt for him, which I can't do.

Slothmoth · 22/09/2023 14:05

Honestly OP you need to go to the police. I know it won't seem like the best option but he's just going to keep getting in deeper and deeper until sadly there's only one way out. Money won't fix this, he's also using- is he addicted? I lost my brother when he was 20 in similar circumstances, my parents regret everyday not involving the police sooner- short term pain for longer term gain.

Lostinbrum · 22/09/2023 14:10

They won't stop. They don't just let people pay their debts and walk away like nothing happened. You need more help

Mischance · 22/09/2023 14:14

Araic40 · 22/09/2023 12:32

@Mischance is your nephew out of it now?

Well - he's in prison, where it all continues. Drugs freely available; threats to him and family if he does not pay up; addicted still.

Talk to the helpline.

Mischance · 22/09/2023 14:18

I am sorry if that sounded rather blunt and definitely not what you want to hear. But it is the truth. It is a dreadful trap.

The drug dealers rule the prisons - it is s simple as that.

What you must not do is to pay anything - as soon as they know that the money is forthcoming and where the money is coming from they will milk that source (i.e. you) dry.

I do not have any easy answers for you - the whole situation is disgraceful, especially the blind eye that is turned to drug dealing in prisons - but maybe the prison officers get their backhanders or are themselves addicted - who knows?

Snoken · 22/09/2023 14:19

Exactly what @Lostinbrum said. At this point he knows too much for them to just let him walk away. There are organisations outside of the police who help with getting kids out of gangs.

Redruby2020 · 22/09/2023 14:33

BindyCeale · 22/09/2023 10:42

Where would an 18 year old get 2.5k a week, so 10k a month?

Well I guess they wouldn't care about that, and also expect he would be making money from dealing, hence paying off debt.

Original poster

Araic40 · 22/09/2023 15:42

He says himself that he is addicted to coke, I have told him to get help but he only wants to talk about that when he is on a come down and the rest of the day he forgets about. It's like he is oblivious to all the dangers and trouble he is after getting himself into, he stresses for about 5 minutes, then he is over it! He doesn't do coke every day from what I know.
He will eventually get caught by the police because they know what he is doing but they have no concrete evidence at the moment.
I fear for myself the day that happens because the debt will still be there.

OP posts:

FartSock5000 · 22/09/2023 16:06

@Araic40 there is no happy ending here. Your son isn't just a drug dealer - he is an addict and that isn't going to change unless he wants to stop and he very clearly doesn't.

Sit him down and give him 2 choices. 1. He pays back what he owes and then stops (he can tell them the cops are watching him to get some of the heat off) and goes to addicts anon OR 2. He has to leave the family home.

Your son is going to end up dead or in jail. Even if you found £30K tomorrow and paid the gang he owes your DS would still seek out more drugs to feed his addiction.

Soon, he'll be stealing to fund it. He will clear you out. Then the burglaries will start as he and his druggie mates break in to take what they can or the gang he runs with target him to get back what he owes.

NOTHING you say will stop the inevitable. Nothing.

You could also report him to Police yourself. Yes, he will end up in prison but at least he'd be away from the gang and the dealing and it's harder to be a coke addict in prison (but not impossible). It may just save his life.

You should also consider selling up and moving away. Your home address is now on the gang's radar. You are a sitting duck. You'll never have peace.

Ididivfama · 22/09/2023 16:08

It’s not going to get out until he really wants out. He needs help. I’m sorry op but this isn’t all up to you.

Sleepo · 22/09/2023 16:12

https://www.catch-22.org.uk/find-services/county-lines-support-and-rescue/

I’d give this charity a call- they support young people up to age 25 and will understand the position your son is in and help him work out the safer next step.

County Lines Support and Rescue | Catch22

https://www.catch-22.org.uk/find-services/county-lines-support-and-rescue/

Rosiem2808 · 22/09/2023 16:16

A pound to a penny you are not getting the full story OP. He will be using it and probably selling it to friends on the cheap as well. He will be lying to you because this is all part of the game. It is shit.
It is not your debt OP, and if you start paying he will use more himself.

OhComeOnFFS · 22/09/2023 16:16

Another one here saying don't give him one penny. He only wants to stop this lifestyle when he's coming down. I think you should be really careful about your bank accounts and any valuables, too. It's a really horrible situation, OP. I'm so sorry.

periperisaucemama · 22/09/2023 16:34

I work with at-risk youth. Catch 22 charity or local gang affiliation service - ask urgent advice to help him get out. It will involve police but the charities and their youth workers can advocate for your son and attend the station with him. You may well need to move area unless you are prepared to let your son go, I'm sorry to say. You and he may need to relocate.

You MUST seek support from them urgently and do NOT pay a penny yourself or you'll be held to ransom and you'll likely lose your home. They won't stop.

Hubblebubble · 22/09/2023 16:41

Can you afford to both stay in a very cheap hostel in another city while you sell your house and relocate far away?

It's not a legal debt, so it can't be legally enforced. You can both just vanish.

It might sound extreme, but you want to stay safe.

Original poster

Araic40 · 22/09/2023 16:45

I appreciate all your help, I should of been more honest but i am petrified! I don't live in england, we are on the emerald Isle and those services ye are offering to help me are not here from what I know

OP posts:

Begsthequestion · 22/09/2023 16:55

FartSock5000 · 22/09/2023 16:06

@Araic40 there is no happy ending here. Your son isn't just a drug dealer - he is an addict and that isn't going to change unless he wants to stop and he very clearly doesn't.

Sit him down and give him 2 choices. 1. He pays back what he owes and then stops (he can tell them the cops are watching him to get some of the heat off) and goes to addicts anon OR 2. He has to leave the family home.

Your son is going to end up dead or in jail. Even if you found £30K tomorrow and paid the gang he owes your DS would still seek out more drugs to feed his addiction.

Soon, he'll be stealing to fund it. He will clear you out. Then the burglaries will start as he and his druggie mates break in to take what they can or the gang he runs with target him to get back what he owes.

NOTHING you say will stop the inevitable. Nothing.

You could also report him to Police yourself. Yes, he will end up in prison but at least he'd be away from the gang and the dealing and it's harder to be a coke addict in prison (but not impossible). It may just save his life.

You should also consider selling up and moving away. Your home address is now on the gang's radar. You are a sitting duck. You'll never have peace.

You could also report him to Police yourself. Yes, he will end up in prison but at least he'd be away from the gang and the dealing and it's harder to be a coke addict in prison (but not impossible). It may just save his life.

Do you really need that going to prison separates you from gangs and drug dealers?

Really??

I can't understand the naivety of mothers on here telling the OP to shop her own heavily addicted kid to the police. Some actively encouraging her to get him sent to prison for drug dealing as if that's some kind of solution, or even going to enhance his life prospects!

OP please find and talk to a drug addiction support charity for real advice that can help your son.

I wish you both all the best.

Wakintoblueskies · 22/09/2023 18:40

I am so sorry you are going through this OP.

I had a quick search online and there is this facility https://cuanmhuire.ie/programmes/ - I am not sure where its located and where you are located but it seems your son can housed in a residential centre for a number of months. But of course he needs to want to come off coke. It might be worth contacting them because they will have experience of your situation and if they can't help themselves, might be able to direct you to services that can help.

I also saw this https://fasn.ie/confidential-drug-related-intimidation-reporting-service/ which describes the situation you are in and it may help?

Programmes - Cuan Mhuire

https://cuanmhuire.ie/programmes

Zola1 · 22/09/2023 18:49

I think you need to seek some advice as it sounds like he is being criminally exploited. When did this start? If you look online you will be able to find services local to you for adults who are criminally exploited. St Giles Trust are good but don't operate everywhere.

Original poster

Araic40 · 23/09/2023 22:17

It started this year, he obviously asked for the first lot to sell, but then started using what he was meant to sell and got into debt, we paid alot of that off for him thinking that was it.
But it wasn't! He was then thrown more to sell even after he said no. I guess we, his family was just so naive to it thinking he could just get out once it was paid off.
He can't be the one to hand over the last few payments, it has to be someone else, someone that can hand over the money and walk away, and say that my son has left the country but the debt gets paid off!
To get that through his head Right now is impossible, he thinks he can handle it all but he can't.

OP posts:

Stomacharmeleon · 23/09/2023 23:29

Both of you sound deluded This is bigger than you and you need to deal with it not hand over vast sums of cash.

I also know a family well whose son told them he was in a similar situation. Even sent pictures of the 'gangsters' threatening him with a knife and gun. Visible injuries. All bollocks. Son is now doing time for it. Spent the 'dealers' money on clothes, take aways and drugs.

mrX2 · 13/06/2024 11:13

Cowlover89 · 22/09/2023 13:43

Don't ever be a rat. Never ends well

Show quote history

Then what do you propose OP does?

They can't just ignore it, at the very least they have to take action to protect themselves and the police + other agencies can help with that.

Paying the money is an absolute no no for multiple reasons not least that if they do that will not be the end of it, they will just make larger and larger demands and when the money runs out start demanding that they "work" for them ( that could involve prostitution, a wide range of criminal activities, letting them cuckoo their house the lot )