Thread 47- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer's running away from us!

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

...it will be Christmas before we know it.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4792342-thread-46-gcse-covid-cohort-searching-for-summer-solstice

This is HUGE news - hurrah! No more controlling boyfriend! Gosh you must be so relieved. Long May it last. I hope Reading is a fab fresh start for her.

Noted @BlueMarigold @NCTDN @mummyinbeds @singingstones I hope all is well in your households.

@Piggywaspushed there was a bit of drama but she got over it surprisingly quickly. It helped that a friend went through a break up at similar time and they both quickly moved into the 'dating' and 'partying' phase. DH trying to get his head round that one.

She is like a different girl from a year ago. Not afraid of socialising or partying, taking care of herself more, so very confident in dealing with secondary school students. Fingers crossed for the new start at Reading and no more pesky boyfriends

Thanks @Delphigirl all that worrying and it fizzled out by itself!

@OrangeCinnamonLatte we had a bf issue during DD1 GCSEs. Not controlling as such but really clingy. It fizzled out on its own too and we felt like if we’d said anything then she would have fought harder to stay with him. She decided on her own to break up which was good. Hope your DD is ok x

Good news about the dumping of arsehole boyfriend @OrangeCinnamonLatte hopefully she’ll enjoy her freedom for a bit.

Best news ever Orange!

You must y must be very relieved Orange

FABULOUS news @OrangeCinnamonLatte ! So glad she has seen sense without you having to play mean parent.

Re packing, DS has sent me a curveball, he wants to take his strongman sandbags (massive things like pouffes, weighing 80kg and 100kg) so can use one of those as doorstops.

Good news, @OrangeCinnamonLatte!

DS is waiting for GCSE results, though we'll be away for results day.

Spent today on a photography trip with DD to her favourite reserve (Leighton Moss, near Lancaster). Distant views of a marsh harrier and a hobby (fairly rare), but some cracking shots of butterflies! This was my favourite.

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes to DS. It's been a miracle we've been praying for so long. I didn't know how he would fare at uni and couldn't get over excited about it when September came, I was waiting for the phone calls to come and get him, OCD gone through the roof, new verbal tics etc But we went a whole academic yr with not a single panic call and although he still has OCD, it's not ruling his life, there are no new verbal tics and he is enjoying all uni has to offer. He said something that made me really sad yesterday though, that he is thinking he may not have dc of his own as he doesn't want to pass on the gene, although he loves children.

What fantastic news @OrangeCinnamonLatte Good riddance!
Good luck to your DD starting Reading this September. Pray this is much better than Cardiff. It's a new course as well if I remember?

@mummyinbeds I didn't realise I wasn't the only one that hides it from time to time. Some of the stories are just terrifying and can sometimes make ones anxiety go through the roof when the whole point of joining the page is to feel less anxious. Some of the stuff I read (I feel a bit safer saying it here) I'm not entirely sure it's all MH but probably a mix of Poor MH AND a good dose of over indulgence. It's just really hard knowing where the line is and as each individual presents differently it's nigh impossible to have a conversation about it.

I don't think the boys are as invested in uni shopping. DS1 would've have happily gone with just a Tesco carrier bag. DS2 a bit more interested but didnt ask until a week before resumption if we were going to do any clothes shopping, luckily i'd bought some things which he'd forgotten about.

Amazing @PhotoDad
Looks like a military plane almost.
One of the highlights of our hols this year was a visiting swallowtail, I hadn't seen one for years and years.

Oooh, that would be nice! And yes, very plane-like.

An email for DD today; every student who worked for the uni's own job-agency is getting a bonus depending on hours worked! So that's a completely unexpected £200 for her, which is always nice. Maybe we should charge her room-and-board in the holidays... 🤔

Hi all. Very pleased to read so much good news on here, and sorry for the grim stuff too.
I’ve had my hip replacement. Slightly shocked that it is real, in my head I’d downplayed it to the equivalent of a dental appointment. I’m ok but not sleeping. I’ve had some awful stuff going on with 1 of my adult children. It’s kind of brought me to the end of my maternal instinct, I’ve neither the confidence nor the motivation to keep trying to help.
Youngest has been sliding about for weeks , very avoidant. I kept asking and she kept saying she hadn’t made her mind up what to do with her life.so I’ve been sending her links to jobs, asking if she’d heard about apprenticeships, courses in clearing. No feedback, so I asked her 2 weeks ago to please look at the latest stuff I’d sent and give some feedback, that she needed to be making decisions. Nothing. So I asked on Sunday. She said she didnt like any courses I’d sent but would look at the apprenticeships. I asked when, she’d had 2 weeks and time is pressing. I thought she should have done both, she’s not working. I said she didn’t seem that bothered. She started shouting at me that she was offended, how dare I say that. Then she told me she’d firmed a place at Birmingham City weeks ago, she’d wanted to do the course since she was 11 ( it started last year, when she wanted to do History), but didn’t tell me because I would be angry. Well, it’s her life and she’s free to choose whatever course she likes, I am not angry about that, but I am furious that she’s been lying about it for weeks, while Ive been trying to help her.
I don’t actually care any more. I’ve done my best, I just want some space and some peace. Dh is sleeping on the sofa because my hip is so painful at night. We were actually on the point of booking a weeks holiday for the time she needs to be taken., because we didn’t know. She did say sorreee. But she has done exactly what she did last year, in keeping stuff back, and we told her then that if she doesn’t communicate, we can’t help, and we stop wanting to, because it seems she doesn’t want to know what we think , or care about us.
I’ve told her she needs a Plan B for if the Course doesn’t run, and a Plan C for if she doesn’t like it., cos she’s not having another completely undirected gap year in my house.
Dont know if that will seem harsh to everyone, but I can just see her back here by November, suffering with depression, and then staying forever. We want to retire.

Gosh zebra, that sounds like a lot of pain of both types and you sound as though you thoroughly deserve and need a proper break. You can only do what you can do. I hope the hip heals well and quickly

What's the course at BCU, do you think it will suit her?

It’s Digital Media. She is very keen, for the moment. I don’t think it will suit her, but I would love to be wrong.

Wow, that's a bit of a swerve. Has she got finance and accommodation sorted? Fingers crossed she loves it and is now on the road to more independence so that you can retire in peace 🤞

Wow, @Zebracat, that all sounds utterly frustrating and draining. I really hope that things work out.

@Zebracat that sounds very challenging. You poor thing. Not a lot I can say but thinking of you

DS had his appointment with SU advice today. It only lasted 15 minutes and he said he didn’t have much of a chance to go through things but the lady has signposted a couple of places for advice. She also told him to ask his director of studies to be put on a “support to study” plan which apparently he should have been put on last year but nobody did.

He was quite despondent as he had thought it was the beginning of getting stuff sorted and now he has to contact the main university student support and also the director of studies. I have got him to agree to writing the emails together tomorrow.

Re the mental health v over indulged. I do think we have over indulged DS and therefore that has led to him being less robust mentally as I have always fixed things for him. Easy to say now though 😕

Glad to hear you've had your OP @Zebracat and hope the pain subsides gradually. A pillow between the legs does great wonders for sore hips as well as wearing double layers of pyjama trousers...i only discovered this after i was diagnosed with bursitis & tendinopathy on both sides. It works wonders.

The other stuff, I hope DD takes the new course seriously and wish her all the best, hope it's exactly what she's looking for.

We can only do our best. Sometimes they just aren't great at communicating or articulating what they need, its frustrating.

@283nouveauxnoms Re: Over indulged, your example is understandable. The ones I had in mind were actually where the grown-up DD gives DM a hard slap around the face for asking what time they will be back from friends....DM is sobbing from the pain but then told to apologise to the DD and talk nicely to her. Quite a few other examples like this, all down to MH apparently...I just don't know what's what?? maybe I am being unreasonable?

Ah ok @Shimy i get you. Very different.

i think from wider family experience sometimes it’s hard to work out what parts of behaviour are down to mental health and which are just due to being bang out of order and knowing they will get away with it because people can’t tell the difference or fear setting them off. It’s a very tricky balance and I’m fortunate I’m not the one in that role.

Zebra, great news on the hip op, work on recovery, rehab and yourself. We’re no good to anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves first, your youngest has made some decisions on her own so can’t blame you for the wrong steer if it doesn’t work out. Hopefully, it will…

@OrangeCinnamonLatte good news on the boyfriend front. Glad she is not too distraught.

You've summed it up very well @283nouveauxnoms . It's a tricky balance.

Hope things improve zebra.
Shimy how do two pairs of pyjamas help with hip pain? I'll try anything...

Thanks Shimy. I will try 2 pairs of pyjamas. I have a knee pillow. The pain is actually less post op, as long as I stick to the precautions…