Thread 47- Covid GCSE Cohort - Summer's running away from us!

[OrangeCinnamonLatte]

...it will be Christmas before we know it.

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and advice to be had.
Previous thread https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/parents_of_adult_children/4792342-thread-46-gcse-covid-cohort-searching-for-summer-solstice

But I too helped dd with uni things, bought a door stop and a mattress topper and she was in catered halls this year. I also dared look on rightmove for properties for year two in case I saw anything that they'd missed.

Oh I did that too @NCTDN 😂

We bought a doorstop and mattress topper too, and DS was in catered halls. Mattress topper was very much needed, the mattress was ancient and lumpy. Doorstop never got used but it is now doing service for our front door as our old one was falling to pieces (it's a self-locking door and blows shut if the back door is open which is most of the time in summer).

Yes @NCTDN I also looked on rightmove (and lots of other sites!) daily and in fact found the house they ended up signing for. And dd was in catered halls and had a mattress topper.

I have also made dd's sandwiches for the last two weeks at work, as she's so disorganised and always running late.... 😂Do I win?!

Very patchy here. No mattress topper, no doorstop!! But I did nag about looking for houses and then looking for a summer job.

Ah, both dd and ds found and applied for their own summer/Saturday/evening jobs so I’m not guilty there! Ds tells me nothing, he didn’t let me know when his interview was or what shifts he was working or anything…. Dd tells me everything!

DS has his first shift at Clarks today!

DS1 is off to Brussels on Weds. It's his birthdays we are going out tonight for a disgusting buffet.

Clarks in summer will be busy @Piggywaspushed 🤣 all those parents! I worked in a school uniform shop as a student and it was manic.

Ds has two jobs at the mo - one at Tesco and one at a building and plumbing supplies place. After his first day at Tesco he thought he might prefer it -being on the till meant the day went quickly. His second day was spent restocking frozen food so not quite as interesting.. The other job has the opportunity of going out and doing deliveries.

He’s on a Christian camp at the moment though; it’s nice not having to wonder where he is!

Yes, DS1 also worked at Clarks. That's why they hire a gazillion students, I guess!They have no employee dress code which surprises me.

DD is still traumatised over her 2 week stint at Clarks last summer! She vowed never to do retail again.

Neither of mine had mattress toppers, but both had door stops, but I think only used when moving in/out.

@crazycrofter I've been doing DDs lunch since she started her job in April. It's just easier 😆

In no particular order I think DD’s reasons for doing this summer camp would be:

• Good fun
• Character building
• Escape mum telling me to get a job every five minutes

So I’m not sure where that leaves me 😂 I admit I had a lovely time making lists of things to take to uni, scouring here and WIWIKAU for the things I might not otherwise think of, taking her to Ikea … however I also love that I literally cannot make doctor and dentist appointments for her, and no longer have to check every email she sends.

Just done pre surgery exercise class. - shattered!

DS has door stop, mattress topper and i chose his last bag. I am beyond hope....

Blimey it's all happening around here and I've missed tons! I can't go back and read all of them but hoping on to the banter train carefully.
I too helped DS with things. Different strokes for different folks ,<shrug>. What we do works for us. Some swear the choice of secondary school is totally up their 11yr old...some of us have many discussions as a family about the pros and cons of each one and did this right through to university choice.

Currently reading through DS2's cover letter that he's writing for an internship and discussing with him why sentences like, I'm currently at the University of Warwick is better than, 'I'm at Warwick Uni.' If anyone thinks that's too much handholding that's their problem.

Ds2 has been doing 2 online internships, one of which involves a mock consultancy project (he's now saying this is what he wants to do) tough field and very competitive, but at least he knows the score. DS1 graduated last week and it was a glorious day up in Cardiff, sun shone throughout.

DS2's MH has never been better! I have to share this because it's been a dark cloud over us since he was first diagnosed and we've had some very very dark lows. Thank you Lord for answering prayers.

I'm going to slowly try and read through the backlog of updates here and just hope everyone else's dc is doing well.

That' exactly the reason I proofread DS's job applications @Shimy his use of English is too casual for formal communication. He is getting better as time goes on. I saw his updated DV yesterday and while it could have been slightly better I decided to refrain from commenting this time. So glad to hear about DS2's improved MH.

@Shimy that is such good news, MH is incredibly tough to deal with.
We definitely had to help DS get a job, it took a lot of applications as his only work experience was volunteering. He was fully onboard with working and worked for a couple of weeks at Easter. A pub job, so hopefully he can keep going back. It’s been fab to see him getting up and sorting himself out.

Oh dear, I seem to be the opposite of some wiwikau mums in that I'm spending all my time telling ds that he is taking on too much work.

Both of my children have very poor executive function although ds has improved massively recently, so I have always done a lot of handholding.

Dd has railed against this and tried to be fiercly independent but she just admitted she is overwhelmed and is in burnout so wants to take leave of absence from her job and come home to be with family for a little while.

That is great news @Shimy

Well DS heard on Friday from the director of studies that exam resits are not possible and it's repeat the year or leave. It was a bit of a brutal email in that it said if you come back you should make changes so the same doesn't happen again otherwise you'll have to leave. (Obviously true but it was worded a bit harshly). He was so gutted as he had hoped the DoS would magically say yes resits would be fine.

He has been through his results in detail. With his average of 38.7%, it would have taken only one of the unsubmitted bits of coursework to pass the year. (Or one of the ones submitted in the wrong format to be submitted in the right format). He is so gutted at how close he was.

He is fairly sure he is going to repeat the year but I have asked him to speak to the SU student support (as a first step before official student support). I helped him to write an email to him over the weekend, his words but my typing. They have replied today with a lovely email giving him an appointment tomorrow which I'm really pleased about. I just wanted him to speak to someone who is not his parents or girlfriend. It also opens the door to future support hopefully.

Fingers crossed the session tomorrow goes well and he is actually honest with them.

@EversoDetermined Keep doing what you're doing! you know your dc best and what works within your family. If being distant and aloof is the way elsewhere, and it is working for them, that is fine too. DS has spent yesterday evening and today so far re-drafting his letter and just shown to it me. He has spent time reading the company website more purposefully and taken proper note of what the role is about. I've also directed him to read the company annual accounts report which he has done. The difference between the 2 versions couldn't be more stark. He said he thought the cover letter should be just a few lines to say, look at my CV, literally. He's also realised he needs to be more formal and avoid colloquialisms and assumptions about his abilities.

@sazzy5 Well done you! I agree it's very satisfying when one sees ones offspring getting up to go to work in the morning. Makes you feel, 'At least I did something right!'. Nothing worse than a man who can't get up to go to work. I'm not talking about having difficulty finding work, I'm talking about just plain 'I don't want to get up'. DS1 was the one I was worried about. He did 1 week of volunteering before uni and that's was it. Luckily he got an industrial placement and I think that awoke something in him. He's now got a job for Sept. Good luck to your ds. Bar work teaches many skills. DS2 has done 2 days of bar work this summer and can't stop talking about it.

@Comefromaway Like I said to @EversoDetermined do what works. Don't be intimidated by the know it all's on wiwikau. DS2 also has executive function impairment (adhd) and so needs a lot of handholding that perhaps a neurotypical person wouldn't need. He also over-commits himself to so many things and I have to remind him to think logically and ask himself how he is going to fulfill all these commitments. Like your DS he is getting better at it, I keep stressing the importance of putting things in his electronic calendar and setting notifications etc etc. They'll get there.

@283nouveauxnoms So sorry to hear your DS's news and very pleased to hear he has a one-to-one appointment lined up. Hopefully things will not look quite so dour afterwards and a clear plan for September can be put in place.

Great news about ds' mental health @shimy! We're in the opposite position with dd, hoping to get some help and hopefully an ADHD diagnosis at some point, if any of the various people we've contacted would get back to us.

I think what you're doing with ds' internship application is perfect - you're coaching him in how to write professionally, not doing it for him. I've done the same with ds when he's had an email from work.

On the 'hands off' side of things, I've not bought clothes for my kids since they were in year 7 and I never looked at their school work or helped with homework! But in terms of applying for jobs/ doing adult things, I think it's a good idea to do some coaching along the way.

They all struggle with different things anyway. Whilst my kids are very independent in terms of people skills and travel, their executive functioning isn't great, hence the help with breakfasts and lunch! They can cook for themselves in the evening though, when they don't fancy what I'm cooking.

That's really brutal @283nouveauxnoms and gutting that he was so close. He won't let it happen again though, I'm sure, so it will hopefully be a good lesson for future life. Ds seems to have to learn by making his own mistakes. It's frustrating... Hope your ds can get the help he needs.

Don't think ds1 has used his doorstop. catered and topper too, plus year 2 house website looking. I set up all ds initial accounts, username and passwords and filled in all initial forms for his applications to EY, PwC, BDO etc, So that's me out of the running for any parenting award. Congrats to GoldenRuby ds. Hoorah for the lost key 🔑. Ealingwest so sorry about cyst. Shimy pleased re ds2 MH. Sorry to hear that 283nouvea.

@Shimy Glad to hear DS's MH is in a better place.

DS starts his summer job Wednesday morning. I have just driven him to collect lanyard and kit, and I directed him to advertisement in the first place. But he did the application himself! No doorstop but yes to mattress topper. I guess my report card would read 'room for improvement'.

I've lost all hope of a parenting award with DS. I'm guilty of doing all his admin else nothing would ever get done. I have all his logins to make sure he's not missing anything. He never used to be like this so I'm hoping for improvement. DD on the other hand is in control and asks for help if she needs it. She just sent a picture of herself holding a huge great shot gun in a rainforest. I would not let DS near a water pistol 🫣

@crazycrofter MH sucks big time! sorry you're going through this. I'm on a facebook group for parents of children with MH problems, and it is scary. I hope your DD gets the diagnosis needed to access treatment, that is so important and the first step towards gaining back some control over the symptoms. Wishing you luck with it.

@Oblomov23 Don't even think about admitting any of that on wiwkau, you'll be 'cancelled'.

@EwwSprouts Good luck to your ds with the new job.

I’m loving all these admissions. Mine are all different.
DD1 I buy the odd glamorous work dress or evening shoes for and otherwise she is 100% financially and otherwise self sufficient and has been since she graduated. Miss Super Sorted.
DS2 with ADD needs a lot of reminding and prodding about certain things (like 2 days before he travels - have you got your passport? Safe in the knowledge he hasn’t thought about it and it will take him 2 days to find it). Sends me applications to proofread and edit but he is a v good written communicator so it is a light touch. Needs quite a lot of emotional support as he worries about stuff. Won’t let me buy him anything at all unless it is actually a birthday present as he doesn’t believe in consumerism… sigh. He is Mr Angsty Political.
DS3 pretty organised with his day to day work and social life now that he has left school but would be basically naked if I didn’t buy him clothes as he can’t stand shopping but has a good stylish eye so won’t wear the sort of kilo sale crap DS1 clothes himself in. So I just buy him stuff in the sales which he is v grateful for. Needed physically kicking to get homework done and has never knowingly read a book so his emails are all awful and he asks us to proofread them safe in the knowledge we will rewrite them. Has no views on eg what he wants to take to uni and wouldn’t even think about it until the day before, so I have been plonking stuff in a box for him - “happy with this duvet cover? “Fine thanks mum”. He is Mr Fine Thanks Mum. I think he will need a PA when he leaves home so he can continue his charming and appreciative delegation of stuff he isn’t interested in.
DD4 is super-organised, tells me nothing, wants nothing, organises everything herself but occasionally sends me a bill “can you refund me X for driving lessons and that train ticket you said you would pay for”. We have almost no idea of what goes on in her life as she imparts info on a strictly need to know basis. Haven’t asked her if she has any homework since year 4 because the answer is always “I’ve done it” with a withering look….🤣 She is Ms Undercover Agent.

Love it @Delphigirl ! My ds definitely aspires to be your dd4! He tells me as little as possible, I get the texts requesting reimbursement for a hair cut etc. Problem is, his ADHD results in me being called into school on a semi regular basis and being forced to take an interest in his (lack of) work. He still won’t show me anything though…