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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

Asking the grown up kids for money

60 replies

JamyJam12 · 03/07/2023 19:30

We've got in a rut, our two have grown and flown and I feel increasingly mum guilt for asking if they could lend me money, not a lot but working full time all our lives and just getting a bit stuck I felt sick asking our DS's 20 something's could they lend mum £20. Both were straight on and said yes, one even asking is that all I needed? " When he's about to be a father himself.i cried at the thought of asking, even gf of DS asked if she could help. Help me with this guilt 😭

OP posts:
Indigotree · 08/07/2023 20:40

speluncean · 08/07/2023 20:05

If you're that skint why are you having nights away, take aways and nice clothes?

The OP said very clearly that those things have been occasional treats over many years, their last holiday being nearly twenty years ago.

drpet49 · 08/07/2023 20:42

Noicant · 08/07/2023 18:18

Being brutally honest OP’s posts sound emotionally manipulative (echos of my own mum). If you are crying about having to ask for 20 because it’s so awful asking your kids for money (do you mean give or borrow) then you wouldn’t be buying nice clothes or takeout, you’d be asking for 20 to pay your electricity bill. I have experience of a parent who borrowed several grand while making no effort to manage their own budget.

I agree

speluncean · 08/07/2023 20:43

I didn't say holiday. I said night away.

Hugasauras · 08/07/2023 20:43

There are two separate elements, though, aren't there.

  1. As someone's child, many of us would absolutely help a parent who was struggling and would hate to see them in financial trouble.

  2. As a parent, many of us would not want our child to have to help us and would do everything in our power to avoid having to ask.

Both things can exist and be true. OP clearly feels uncomfortable to some degree about asking for this money, so elements of (2), so it's only natural that people try to suggest ways to avoid it.

Indigotree · 08/07/2023 20:43

AppleKatie · 08/07/2023 19:07

If my parents needed it I’d give it of course but I would question WHY your young adult kids have more money than you…

Isn't that normal? E.g. parent worked in low-paid job such as dustbin man, admin, bus driver, supermarket cashier, spent years bringing up children, paying rent, helping children with university costs so that children could get a better-paid job?

finallyfoundmyself · 08/07/2023 21:09

I've lent money to both of my parents (separated) when they've been in a pickle, an unexpected car bill etc. they've done the same for me too. I've always grown up around a family that believes sharing what we have when we can. I don't see the issue in it personally

Bluegreenseasoffoam · 14/10/2023 18:15

tweener · 03/07/2023 19:34

I've not been in this situation but I do know I would never want my mum to feel guilty if she needed to borrow money. I'd give her my last pound if she needed it. I'm sure your kids feel the same.

You don’t have kids yet?

Bluegreenseasoffoam · 14/10/2023 18:19

GoodChat · 08/07/2023 17:05

That's how borrowing works...

OP I guess it depends what you're borrowing for. Is it because you're spending beyond your means?

Show quote history

Lots of people say “borrow”, when they mean “receive a gift without having to acknowledge it”

I’ve seen the word used that way both by borrowers and lenders. I find it confusing. Face saving I suspect.

tweener · 14/10/2023 18:30

Bluegreenseasoffoam · 14/10/2023 18:15

You don’t have kids yet?

Show quote history

Yes, I do, thanks.

Myhusbandearns150k · 14/10/2023 18:34

I would be happy to help my mum out. That’s what families are for. Share the wealth.

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