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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

AIBU to ask 28 y/o DD to move out.

40 replies

LadyMaine · 01/05/2023 12:26

DD 28 came back home to live with me last September, for a year. She pays rent and it's just the two of us. We've agreed to take turns each week to do the housework. On her weeks she does very little and the dishes sometimes pile up for days.

Now she is demanding that I do not bake bread or use large baking trays as this creates to much washing up for her, although we have a dishwasher. (She doesn't cook much).

This morning I was told off for running the blender for five minutes at 11:30am, as it is her 'day off' (which is news to me). I agreed that she could smoke cigarettes in the garden (I don't smoke).

But now she also smokes weed and last week when I enquired who the person was parked outside my house she replied, 'oh that's my drug dealer'. I had no idea she was getting stuff delivered to the house.

The atmosphere in the house is miserable.

AIBU to ask her to move out?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 01/05/2023 12:27

Um no! No way are you being unreasonable!

Original poster
LadyMaine · 01/05/2023 12:31

pinkyredrose · 01/05/2023 12:27

Um no! No way are you being unreasonable!

Thank you so much. I'm trying to be fair to her but I think she's taking the p.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 01/05/2023 12:34

She needs to go. The drug issue alone would be enough for me.

OriginalUsername2 · 01/05/2023 12:35

Why are you letting her make rules? I would LOL.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 01/05/2023 12:35

Your house, your rules. She needs to go.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 01/05/2023 12:36

Tell her to find somewhere else to live. She (and her drugs) sounds terrible.

TheHandmaiden · 01/05/2023 12:40

It's bloody embarrassing that she is 28 and in your house. That is reason enough for her to leave, never mind the entitlement

pinkyredrose · 01/05/2023 12:41

Bringing drug dealers to your door is enough reason to give her her marching orders .

You tried living together, it isn't working, she's got to go.

Stratocumulus · 01/05/2023 12:41

Oh for goodness sake …
She is making your life miserable so “woman up” have the chat & give her a deadline to get out by.
She needs to learn how to live in a responsible adult world. Life is tough and you are enabling her.
If she doesn’t get out by the (realistic) deadline then with prior warning, you might consider bagging up her essentials, dump on doorstep and change the locks.
Tough love Mother, tough love!

Original poster
LadyMaine · 01/05/2023 12:42

OriginalUsername2 · 01/05/2023 12:35

Why are you letting her make rules? I would LOL.

Thanks, I haven't agreed to her smoking weed or banning my from baking. That's are just some of her 'requests', that I've certainly not agreed to.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 01/05/2023 12:43

The drug issue would be enough for me , I wouldn’t want drug dealers at my front door .

Florissant · 01/05/2023 12:43

Time for her to move out.

Stripycatz · 01/05/2023 12:44

Blimey, yanbu at all. I wouldn't put up with this shit from an 18 year old, never mind a grown adult of 28.

MillieMollieMandy1 · 01/05/2023 12:46

You can tell it is a bank holiday.

UseOfWeapons · 01/05/2023 12:47

Of course she’s got to go. You’ve set ground rules on your home, and she is not adhering to them, moreover, she’s telling you what to do.
You say you’re trying to be fair and think she’s taking the piss, well, you’re more than fair, and yes she is!
Tell her today she can go, or set more stringent rules, and if she doesn’t follow them, off she goes.

Original poster
LadyMaine · 01/05/2023 12:47

Stratocumulus · 01/05/2023 12:41

Oh for goodness sake …
She is making your life miserable so “woman up” have the chat & give her a deadline to get out by.
She needs to learn how to live in a responsible adult world. Life is tough and you are enabling her.
If she doesn’t get out by the (realistic) deadline then with prior warning, you might consider bagging up her essentials, dump on doorstep and change the locks.
Tough love Mother, tough love!

Thank you for this. I think I will give her a month's notice.

She claims this is a 'house share', but in reality she is my lodger.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyMaine · 01/05/2023 12:49

MillieMollieMandy1 · 01/05/2023 12:46

You can tell it is a bank holiday.

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
BreviloquentBastard · 01/05/2023 12:56

She's absolutely taking the piss. Give her notice, get her out. At 28 she needs to grow up. If she was pulling her weight and being a good roommate/housemate/whatever it'd be a different story, but drug dealers at the house and dictating which kitchen equipment you're allowed to use in your own home? Nah. Reality check time for the little madam I think, my 15 year old is more adult than her.

Original poster
LadyMaine · 01/05/2023 13:01

Well that's 100% in favour of her moving out. We've agreed to talk at 1pm today. (now).

I'll keep y'all posted!

OP posts:
kingtamponthefurred · 01/05/2023 13:04

You need to be telling her, not asking her.

2bazookas · 01/05/2023 13:05

Do you need to ask?

She's a selfish entitled loser and abuser; show her the door.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 01/05/2023 13:06

Just give her a month and tell her that's her notice. 28 is waaaay to old to be living with a parent.

Boltonb · 01/05/2023 13:08

I’d ignore the person saying it’s embarrassing that she’s still at home at 28. You’re both single adults, and it’s difficult running a household on one salary.

On one hand, it makes perfect sense to live together and share bills and housework etc. The problem is her attitude. Her attitude and entitlement means that it’s not working anymore, and so she needs to find a different house share.

Stratocumulus · 01/05/2023 13:08

Further to my earlier post about giving her a deadline to get out, bear in mind that it’s very hard at present to find alternative accommodation due to high rents & lack of houses/rooms. However, maybe a 3 month deadline would give her time to search and get references pulled together etc.

A “house share” is likely to be easier to source & 3 months is realistic for all the admin’ she’ll face. At least you can look her in the eye knowing you’ve been kind but with an element of tough love.

Everything in life is driven by deadlines. Work targets, insuring your car, getting food together to eat at a certain time, finishing a job you’re doing, absolutely everything.
What were you doing at 28? Were your parents shielding you from the hard facts of life while you pushed the boundaries and treated them badly? Hmmm?

loislovesstewie · 01/05/2023 13:26

You know that she has to go. She's behaving badly and isn't adding anything to your life at present. The drug dealer would be the final straw.