18 year old paying keep

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I have started to discuss with my daughter her financial contribution from September when she'll be living at home and working.
I'm a single parent with a reasonable income but not much spare. Once daughter is out of education I will lose child benefit, single person council tax discount and maintenance of £350 per month from ex.
Assuming daughter is working full time, probably on minimum wage, I think it's reasonable that she shd contribute about £400 pcm to the household. I will buy her food but not pay for her mobile phone.
She objects to this and says none of her friends will have to pay anything like that amount.
I'm interested in opinions on this please. I don't want to be unfair but also think she should contribute

I'd try and work out what she's actually costing you, not the amount that you are losing.

You may not be able to support her rent free. However is she actually costing you £400 a month to live there? If the extra council tax, food and bills just for her presence cost that much, then you may need to charge it. However, it is a lot to charge a child on NMW if you also want them to save up to move out in the future.

Also, she may make other plans instead pretty soon. You might also think about how much it will cost to live in the house alone and whether you can still afford it after she moves out.

Your daughter shouldn't have to meet the shortfall from the maintenance! If you can't afford to keep her, she should be charged what she costs you. Which, when you take out what you'd be paying for anyway, is unlikely to be anywhere near £400 per month.

It isn't your adult dependent daughters place to replace any ChB, CM or tax credits/UC you are no longer entitled to.

Agree with PP, 10% (or any agreed %) of take home pay is a good starting point. I appreciate this is a lot less than she'd pay living independently, so you need to strike a balance you are both happy with.

I was thinking about the maintenance. This is based on earnings and is quite high for one child. Your daughter won't be earning anywhere near what your ex obviously does. Sadly that will involve quite an income drop for you but she can now take on her own clothes/travel/food/holiday/social spends within her own budget.

I paid my mum a 1/3 of my wages, she is a widow and without my money she wouldn’t have been able to afford to pay all the bills.
So don’t feel bad, everyone’s circumstances are different, those saying I’d never charge my child, obviously don’t have money issues.

My DS is 18 in care work. We went on salary calculator and worked out how much his basic take home pay would be after tax and national insurance.

We talked about how you split your money and I told him of something I read on MSE, I think, which said 50% to bills, 30% on living expenses, 20% to savings. He agreed that made a lot of sense and so splits his money as above, however his bills money he pays half to us and half to an ISA so that he can save for a house deposit. He should be paying us £400 a month however we take £350 and the other £50 gets added to his ISA. In reality he brings home a lot more than basic because of the shifts he pulls. We have advised him to save 1/3 to his ISA, 1/3 to general savings and 1/3 for fun.

We wanted him to learn how to handle his money in a safe environment at home and get used to saving. We also wanted him to learn that he had to pay his own way in life and nothing is for free.

He is getting a very good deal, he would not be able to rent anywhere with all the same comforts as he has at home. He is getting the opportunity to save for a place of his own and help us out with the cost of living rises.

He is also expected to keep his room clean, empty the dishwasher, do his own ironing and any other add hoc stuff we ask him to do. We all work, we all make the mess, as adults we all have to do our bit round the house. He is not a kid any more and has to contribute.

I would sit your daughter down and show her how much everything costs, council tax, food, water, gas, electric, insurance, cleaning stuff, rent/mortgage, internet etc etc. She might then see how good a deal she's getting!

This is all very interesting. Lots of different attitudes.
Assuming I am buying food and all basic household stuff such as cleaning products, I do think it's fair for daughter to make a contribution. This is probably a better way of looking at it than thinking about what I will have "lost".
It does strike me that ex will not be contributing anything, even including housing costs ( I have had to buy a bigger house because the children live with me, he lives in a small flat).
I will think about all and be as fair as I can. I'm not generally a tight person with money so will definitely discuss it with her and agree something between us.

If you live on benefits you're just about making ends meet if you're lucky ,until an unexpected event comes along then it's years of debt. So it's not bizarre reasoning but a necessity in order to keep a roof, food and heating. Have you ever had to live long term on benefits?

If you live on benefits you're just about making ends meet if you're lucky ,until an unexpected event comes along then it's years of debt. So it's not bizarre reasoning but a necessity in order to keep a roof, food and heating. Have you ever had to live long term on benefits?

Yes, as it happens. I do live on benefits. I think I badly worded what I was trying to say. Often people talk of how just turned adult children need to make up the shortfall when the parent loses benefits. I just think 'you need to pay x amount towards your living expenses' is a much better way to put things to the DC. The benefit thing is a red herring really, if they need to pay they need to pay and bringing up loss of benefits isn't a positive way to communicate that.

I'm charging £150 but DC also has to contribute £200 a month to his help to buy isa (I know its got a new name now but I cant remember it) which the government will top up & will help him leave home sooner! I'm only losing child benefit though.

In your situation I understand you're losing more, but £400 is a lot for an 18 year old to 'lose'.

What are you planning on doing when your dd moves out & you have to pay everything yourself? Maybe you need to start doing that now.

She needs to contribute as you just can’t afford to keep her, it sounds like you are going to have a proper discussion and I hope it goes well.

As an aside I do charge DS some lodging money and we don’t need it at all. I’m just putting it out there because I do think adult dc need to learn to pay their way. He pays £200 a month out of his 25k training salary, it costs approx 1k a month to run the house as we have no mortgage, just purely household inc food. I showed him the exact breakdown of all costs.

Teaching young adults the value of money regardless of your own income is one of the best lessons in life.

Dss is 25 abd earns around £25k, he pays us £250 per month. We buy all of his food and everything from that.

My mum always said that if I was living at home and working full time I should pay her a third of my salary, save a third and spend a third. That always sounded perfectly reasonable to me! In the end I left home before I was earning.
I don't understand these parents who say "Oh I couldn't ask my adult child for money." Some people really have no choice!! If an adult is living in the house and working full time why shouldn't they contribute to the bills, especially if their parents are struggling. If I was you I'd take a look at their take home pay and decide what the lowest contribution could be.

If she works a 40hr week on min wage will her take home be around £1,100-£1,200 a month? (not sure if working in care is paid holidays/how much her pension contributions will be)

I would deduct from that her expenses to work - cheapest commuting costs, basic lunches etc.

Taking 1/3 of what is left as a min to provide a home, utilities, basic food etc would not be unreasonable.

Leaving kids/young adults with so much disposable income (unless you are supporting them actively saving towards a deposit for their own home) and delaying them "adulting" is doing them no long term favours.

The loss of single person's council tax is BECAUSE it is now assumed that any adult not in full time education will be contributing to the household.

So it is entirely right the OP's dd should make up the difference in that plus a fair contribution to food and other household bills.

I would probably not charge quite so much but it would be between £200-£300 per month. My daughter moved away for work and was paying a lot more than that per month simply for one room in a shared house, no bills.

Mine are 18 and 22. I am a single parent working in care. Ex husband is a high earner and has been paying a good amount of maintenance - not the full amount but enough that it keeps CMS from handling it.
So I will be £650 down in September incl child benefit.
Ds22 pays £200 pcm which I want to increase a bit as he earns a similar wage to me, but obviously he wants to keep having overseas holidays when I havent had any holiday since the divorce. He worked his way up in a leisure company he started in at 16.

Dc18 wants an apprenticeship in a vets but is currently just working at a fast food chain earning £11ph.
But ds22 got in with the rich crowd at school. Only one of his mates who pays any board though one has now been given a house of his own...
Dc18 has friends who are mostly more like me and is happy to pay more but it seems so unfair to take advantage.
I would say £250-300 is probably fair..

How are people getting on now their children are 18? My ds finished college June 22 he could not get a paid job until October 22 which was a part time job at Tesco festive contract. I did not charge him anything as it was a 9 week temporary contract plus part time. He makes his money last as I have taught him to be careful for years anyway. He applied for many jobs fast foods and retail jobs this year but refused to seek warehouse jobs until spring. It is now June still no interviews he is seeking only warehouse work now I know three people who got a 6 month temporary contract his age but still nothing. His age group year 11 at the time were the year most affected by the pandemic. All very gloomy being as I am on just a very modest income self employed three days a week working at home.owing to my autism I cannot do all hours God sends. No longer any tax credits nor maintenance all very dicey.

Having said that I own my home and no mortgage no debt which helps. I sold the car once ds army cadets evenings stopped this year which has helped our money no end. He is fit and does long bike rides four times a week minimum as well as job search but my mental health is really slipping. So far no food bank but if this carries on much longer I don't know where we will be. His dad is a single parent too with a mortgage so naturally he could not wait to stop his very modest maintenance in March when ds is 18. He does not want to know he only saw ds for a week last week of May though he has been very sick. He lives 100 miles away. I have zero family support all very hard as mine are all dead. Nobody cares much. I only have two single parent friends nobody else would ever understand in a million years. Couples tend not to have much of a clue.

Do let me know any single parents out there! Thanks in advance.

I should also mention ds turned 18 just this year. He has a one year level 2 B Tech in business Duke of Edinburgh Bronze award and three years evenings army cadets. His c.v. is great as I am academic. He only had one interview McDonald's this year Did not get in but my impression was it was earmarked for somebody else all along. I think warehouse work being a very understaffed sector is the only way to go now so he is sticking to that. Unaffected by the cost of living crisis. Ds has some change still from his child trust fund but after that he really needs to pay me £250 a month as those jobs are always full time. He is considering becoming a train driver from age 21 as they do not accept them before that age. Good pay.

Lower the cost when I was 18 (in my 30s now) I would pay my mum £200 per month but this was divided into two monthly payments so every 2 weeks but I would also put money on the gas and elec too when needed. (Which wasn't a lot maybe £60 tops a month) She would pay all the council tax, water, toiletries and food. My money was just a contribution to it all but I would still pay for my own phone but then that was only £10 a month on PAYG

But saying that when I lived at home at 23 I would give her £350 a month but I was paying my own food etc then

The main bill concerning me is the food bill. So I have apportioned it £50 weekky. As food is a lot more now than 12 years ago! £50 weekly x 4 plus £50 towards our dual fuel. It is pointless discussing this thread which is 2023 based on food and electricity prices from totally different decades.

My dc earns £1700 pm and I charge them £300. This covers share of the bills, all food and toiletries and use of one of the family cars. He pays his own phone bill and Spotify but uses all of my other subscriptions.

It would cost him a darn sight more to live on his own anywhere. He is saving regularly and is still able to buy pretty much anything he wants.

I originally intended to save 50% of his contribution for a future deposit or other big spend, however have seen all of this swallowed by CoL increases.

Teaching your adult kid about meeting their responsibilities isn't cruel or unfair.

Ds cannot afford to buy a home for himself but is very keen to forge a life for himself by paying a private rent when he is aged 21. He wants to move nearer to the neighbouring city for an improved social life.

So many parents on here not teaching their children responsibility or think it's bizarre to ask your adult child for a monthly household contribution and I don't understand why!

Why should an adult living in a house not pay their way? They would have to pay their own way if they had their own house.

My DS is 18, leaves college next week. Maintenance ends in July, child benefit ends September. He isn't going to Uni and is going full time where he works now.

Why should he not contribute towards our household when he brings in nearly £1k per month through his job?

Our household is going to lose £300 and in my opinion it's not unreasonable for parents to say can you start helping out especially if they are struggling. We are lucky as we arent struggling , we want to teach my DS financial responsibility. It's not punishment it's life! We are going to have a generation of young adults who can't take responsibility due to the parents being too soft!

We have asked for £160 off my son per month. Still leaves him with quite a generous chunk for him to save, maintain his car etc and teaches him responsibility of paying out for things.

My parents never charged me rent, and I still appeared to have somehow learned "the responsibility of paying out for things".

I'm not really sure why some people seem to think that taking money off your child will teach them essential life skills.

Charge your kids rent if you like, or if you need to. For as long as I can afford not to, I won't.