18 year old paying keep

[onlyconnect]

I have started to discuss with my daughter her financial contribution from September when she'll be living at home and working.
I'm a single parent with a reasonable income but not much spare. Once daughter is out of education I will lose child benefit, single person council tax discount and maintenance of £350 per month from ex.
Assuming daughter is working full time, probably on minimum wage, I think it's reasonable that she shd contribute about £400 pcm to the household. I will buy her food but not pay for her mobile phone.
She objects to this and says none of her friends will have to pay anything like that amount.
I'm interested in opinions on this please. I don't want to be unfair but also think she should contribute

OP I don’t think you’re being unfair. It’s hard to pick an amount to settle on. £400 seemed a fair starting point. And you’re reaching a compromise with good advice from other parents. Good luck OP.

I stayed at home for Uni. Wasn't really what I wanted to do but I was helping my Dad out financially.

I didn't pay a set amount as such. I gave him a third of what I earned as digs.

So when I was working 3 different jobs, he got a third of the total earnings and when I wasn't earning as much, he got a third of that and it was less.

A third for roof and bills
A third to spend
A third to save was the theory.

I didn't manage to save at Uni and I still don't save a third!

I struggled deciding an amount for my 19yo so he pays for his own phone, plus his food over and above the staples I include in my weekly shop. That way he has some control over what he spends, he can splurge or scrimp! And it doesn't really cost me any extra having him here.

This is such a good point.
I charged ds when he was living at home as he earned more than me and should pay for his own keep.
However £400 is quite a lot, still tons cheaper than a room and bills. Is she up for a sensible conversation?

We don’t charge our DCs but to be fair we didn’t lose any money when they were 18

The whole 'I have lost X In benefits' is a bizarre reasoning to take money from an 18 year old just trying to find their feet. It's not their fault you relied on benefits to raise them. I'm not saying it's your fault either, just that it's not a reasonable explanation for taking money from them. If you want to charge them to live there which isn't unreasonable at all then take a percentage, but ensure they are saving to move out too.

OP is a lone parent, running a household on a single income is extremely difficult, let alone supporting another adult. Paying for your adult children's living expenses is not something everyone can do. £100 a week for food/heating/wifi/board is cheap, she'll have plenty left over.

I think that's unfair, personally.

It isn't about punishing the child for the fact that you've lost benefits. It's about recognising that the parent's own financial circumstances have changed because of the change in the child's status, and what they could afford to pay for without any contribution from the child previously might not be the same as what they can afford to pay for now.

As I've said, I'm in the lucky position of feeling that I would never charge my child for living at home, but I think it would be utterly unreasonable to expect a parent on a low income to scrape by in poverty while their adult child has loads of disposable income and isn't contributing anything.

think that's unfair, personally.

It isn't about punishing the child for the fact that you've lost benefits. It's about recognising that the parent's own financial circumstances have changed because of the change in the child's status, and what they could afford to pay for without any contribution from the child previously might not be the same as what they can afford to pay for now.

I don't recall mentioning punishment

The benefit thing has nothing to do with it and it's always laid in kids when their parents 'lose' that money. It's unfair to even raise it. You pay be due that's what adults do.

Be careful OP there may be other people out there who might be willing to make her a better offer.
She will no doubt be getting more quotes.
You may lose the contract.
😁😁

I sat down with my son last year and went through the household finances with him, we agreed to see what he would actually be earning before we agreed what he should contribute.
There were a couple of months between my reduction in income and him starting work and it was very tight, I was still paying his phone, and paid for his first lot of driving lessons.
He is on reasonably good money and contributes £250 to the house, he’s paying for him own driving lessons and he pays towards any weekends away we have.

With that I can maintain the standard of living he is used to, but he can also save.

But it doesn't have "nothing" to do with it! The whole point is that the OP's financial circumstances have changed. Living with another adult is more expensive than living with a child because you lose the single person's discount on council tax, and lose the benefits/maintenance which may have contributed towards the cost of the child's food etc. That isn't the child's fault, of course, but the fact still remains that the OP's income has dropped because she won't get state support or maintenance payments to cover the costs of supporting her adult children precisely because there is an expectation that those adult children will now be capable of making a contribution themselves.

If the OP lived alone and asked her adult dd to move out, she would have lower bills and still her the single person discount etc, so the drop in income wouldn't affect her so much. If the adult child remains at home, the parents' costs are higher. And if she can't afford the higher costs on her reduced income, then of course it's a no brainer to expect some contribution.

How can it be right for the parent to be potentially on the poverty line while another adult in the same household doesn't need to worry about how much anything costs? That's insane.

Your argument makes perfect sense for privileged families like mine where the parents can comfortably suck up any additional costs, but it makes no sense at all for a family where money is already tight and there has been a sudden reduction in income.

Just an idea but would it be worth taking £300/£350 per month but saving £50/£100 for her to help them out in future?

Btw it is worth checking your local council tax to see if you still qualify for a deduction due to low income. Every local authority has different rules. An under 25 year old may not 'count' as part of the assessment of your income.

My point is, if income has dropped/costs have increased to the extent that the parent can no longer afford to pay the bills from the income that she has coming in, how on earth can that change in income not be relevant to the conversation about whether or not the child should contribute?

If the parents' finances haven't really changed, then the child might quite reasonably feel that the parent is just being grabby in suddenly demanding a significant contribution just because the child is now earning. They don't actually need that cash. Whereas, in situations where income has dropped and costs have increased, they probably do need a contribution to help make up the difference because the books won't balance without one. This seems really obvious to me!

@Iwasafool
Not always no, my dd was the only one in her student house that had gone at 18.
Most of her friends had a gap year and her best uni friend started when she was 21.

We decided to not charge dd for anything that costs the same regardless if she's there or not eg mortgage, council tax.

Her 'rent' covers her share of the food and gas/electric bill. She pays every month without fail and I can see that this is such a good way to ease her into the responsibilities that come with renting or owning your own home.

She still has a great disposable income and plenty of spare money to enjoy her life fully!

I think that is way too much my 21 year old has a good job and pays 200 a month. I think 10 percent of their wage is a good way of working it out

My children are teens and already know that when they are in education I can support them. Once they are working and the top up benefits stop they will need to contribute. If they decide to move out I either rent out the spare rooms or sell.

I can not afford to support adults who are working. As much as I would like to.

I think it's fine , show her the options if she was to move out.
List the money you'll be losing.

It's child benefit which most people get , maintenance and single persons council tax discount. Not really benefits.
If OP is going to struggle there's nothing wrong with that.

I was in the same situation and had no choice but to ask for a contribution of £80 pw. This was 6yrs ago. DC moved out a year later at the same time as my other DC went to uni so I sold and downsized as I couldn't afford to stay where I was.

I think £400 is fine. Not sure why so many posters think it's too much.

If you posted another day then you could have got very different answers.

10% of their wage might be a good way of working it out for many families, but not if 10% of their wage is much less than tbh he deficit in the household budget.

It's a lot and she is probably right that most parents won't be asking their kids to contribute that kind of money. A couple of my ds's friends contribute that much but not the majority. If you have to to make ends meet then that's what you need to do.