Aibu I'm 42 ! | Mumsnet

Justontherightsideofnormal · 2023-03-05T18:41:23+00:00

So my DS has just told me his GF if pregnant. Both 21 still living at home not been together long but friends for years. Both work and focused on future. I am pleased for them, yes very shocked did not expect this so soon but it's their life. A granny at 42 eek.

ijustneedanamefgs · 05/03/2023 18:44

Yab (sort off) u. You had him at 21. That said, I had my eldest at 21, not together long either but friends beforehand. I would be pretty upset if my now 21yr old announced his gf was pregnant and they are together years.

ImAvingOops · 05/03/2023 18:56

Yanbu to feel a bit funny about it. I had my first at 23 so wouldn't have a leg to stand on if any of my sons became a parent now, but I'd still feel like I'm not ready to be a granny just yet.
I know my dad felt like death was imminent when he first became a grandad . He's still going strong 26 years later though

YayayaCookaYaya · 05/03/2023 19:00

In today's World I think it would be rather foolish to have children so young. It's a different generation. There's a lot more opportunities for young people to travel, to study, to find themselves, to have some freedom and independence. I personally would be upset if my child had children so young. You can change considerably during your 20's and that can also impact relationships (bf/gf). And they're still living at home? Big no no. It now means they have nothing in place and will have to scramble to create a "this will have to do" scenario.

Original poster

Justontherightsideofnormal · 05/03/2023 19:12

YayayaCookaYaya · 05/03/2023 19:00

In today's World I think it would be rather foolish to have children so young. It's a different generation. There's a lot more opportunities for young people to travel, to study, to find themselves, to have some freedom and independence. I personally would be upset if my child had children so young. You can change considerably during your 20's and that can also impact relationships (bf/gf). And they're still living at home? Big no no. It now means they have nothing in place and will have to scramble to create a "this will have to do" scenario.

No point in me feeling upset. It won't change anything. I would hate for them to always remember my feelings years down the line hence why I am pleased for them. They have a secure property to live in which I'm sure they will move into in due course. I had my DS young but was married to his dad and a house owner and we are still very much together all these years later.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justontherightsideofnormal · 05/03/2023 19:24

ijustneedanamefgs · 05/03/2023 18:44

Yab (sort off) u. You had him at 21. That said, I had my eldest at 21, not together long either but friends beforehand. I would be pretty upset if my now 21yr old announced his gf was pregnant and they are together years.

This is the thing I was pregnant at 19 had him at 20. I didn't feel at all young, I don't recall my parents being disappointed with my age but then I was (still am) in a very happy relationship/marriage and home owner.
I decided a few years ago whatever my DS's tell me/ decide for their lives I will always support them, it's ultimately their choice.

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LuckyDipForTheEuro · 05/03/2023 19:27

Old timer! I was a great aunty recently in my 40s because my brother was a grandad at 38 🤣 Many congratulations OP x

TomatoSandwiches · 05/03/2023 19:31

I had my eldest married and stable at 23, I won't lie, I would be upset and a bit disappointed if he did the same. I hope I would have enough reserves to not let that show on my face however.

Congratulations on your pending grandmother status OP!

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 05/03/2023 19:33

On the good side:
they and you will be energetic parents and grandparent.

You will have tonnes of lifetime left to share with this new family member.

You can pretend to be the mum, when you bring baby out for a walk.

They will get the hard baby years over while they are young, and they potentially will have plenty of time with their grandchildren.

This will force them to be responsible from a young age, and maybe steady them and distract them from drugs and alcohol and other negative lifestyle choices.

Original poster

Justontherightsideofnormal · 05/03/2023 19:42

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 05/03/2023 19:33

On the good side:
they and you will be energetic parents and grandparent.

You will have tonnes of lifetime left to share with this new family member.

You can pretend to be the mum, when you bring baby out for a walk.

They will get the hard baby years over while they are young, and they potentially will have plenty of time with their grandchildren.

This will force them to be responsible from a young age, and maybe steady them and distract them from drugs and alcohol and other negative lifestyle choices.

Thanks for that. Your words were exactly what I need today. :)

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seething1234 · 05/03/2023 19:49

This is exactly me. I was told a few weeks ago. I'm 42. My ds was in college but left. They live together in awful student type accommodation- I can't understand their decision making. There is no opportunity for them to get nice accommodation. My youngest is 7 years old and I was well and truly ready for the next baby-free stage of my live. I can't have my son and his family living with us. I'm so worried for them. So at least your son's situation seems to be much better.

On the other side I know I will love this baby and will be a loving grandparent.

Ruffpuff · 05/03/2023 19:55

I find some of the responses on here a little offensive. I’m 25 and had my child (unexpectedly) at 21, just after graduating. Yes, initially I had to scramble a bit to get things together, but I now have a good job, I’m a home owner, and I have a happy little family life. I don’t think any adult needs another’s condescending second-hand disappointment. As for saying it’s “foolish”, well how disrespectful. We all want different things in life, as it happens I don’t feel I’ve missed out by having a child so young. I’ve had to work harder than my peers to get where I am, and I’m damn proud of it.

I know people reserve judgement towards younger parents (particularly middle class professionals), which is why I don’t tell anyone at work I have a child until they get to know me- otherwise I can see they brand me as thick and irresponsible straight away. I get the whole ‘oh I can’t believe you have a child, I wouldn’t have guessed it’.

Oh and if I hear one more person mention ‘travelling’ in the argument against young parents, then I really will loose hope.

NetballMumGrrr · 05/03/2023 20:01

Mum had me when she was 18 she was 40 at my graduation. Yes she was too young to have me. It stopped her living her life to the fullest and yes if my kids wanted babies young I’d tell them not to do it.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 05/03/2023 20:04

I am the same age, I am feeling the last door closing these days and so am a wee bit jealous! I lost a baby who’d be 19 now and sometimes wonder where they’d be now, if I’d be a granny soon, all that stuff. Obviously that’s hypothetical nonsense but you know what I mean. Babies are amazing, I miss them, and the thought of a little bub I get to look after but don’t have to stay up all night every night with is super-appealing! You sound like a lovely mum and you’ll be a fab gran.

It’s not a bad thing to get the baby days done early, and we do seem to take things more in stride when we’re young. Like everything else so much depends on the people involved, and your future grandchild seems to have chosen wisely, it’s all good, thirty years ago it would have been the norm after all. Hopefully you’ll
live to meet your g-g-grandchildren and they’ll have to get a special card made, they don’t have them in card factory 🤣

x

Original poster

Justontherightsideofnormal · 07/03/2023 06:56

Thanks for all your replies.
Just a few points..... Neither want to travel, they have a big holiday booked together in a couple of months which I'm sure will be great. I didn't travel prior to having children and I certainly didn't feel like I missed out.

It's not for me or anyone else to tell them it's too soon, their too young etc. it's their life and their decision. Both have good savings, good jobs and supportive families.

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incognitodorrito · 07/03/2023 07:06

I had mine at 32 & 40. If I had a Time Machine, I would have had them as young as possible (so around 21 like your son). I would have had loads more energy, could have really focused on them until they started school then went into a career. As it was, I was tired all the time, couldn’t focus on my little babies properly as juggling career and never got back into my career properly as just didn’t have the energy. Ok I had more money but seriously, what baby cares about the brand of their pram or the clothes they are wearing as long as they are clean & warm ? Their grandparents could have been a lot younger to appreciate them too if I’d have just had them young. Congratulations OP, honestly if your Son + Partner are sensible they can really make this work.

Original poster

Justontherightsideofnormal · 07/03/2023 07:11

incognitodorrito · 07/03/2023 07:06

I had mine at 32 & 40. If I had a Time Machine, I would have had them as young as possible (so around 21 like your son). I would have had loads more energy, could have really focused on them until they started school then went into a career. As it was, I was tired all the time, couldn’t focus on my little babies properly as juggling career and never got back into my career properly as just didn’t have the energy. Ok I had more money but seriously, what baby cares about the brand of their pram or the clothes they are wearing as long as they are clean & warm ? Their grandparents could have been a lot younger to appreciate them too if I’d have just had them young. Congratulations OP, honestly if your Son + Partner are sensible they can really make this work.

Thank you for your reply, really appreciate it, I have friends who had their children older and they have also said similar to me.

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321gogogo · 07/03/2023 07:16

You will be a fab nanny I'm sure OP

Sounds like they have their heads screwed on and will have a lot of support as well... and hey, if they do decide to travel, baby just goes with.

Stepuptowardsinfinity · 07/03/2023 07:18

Of course it's always sad when the next generation repeats our mistakes but it's happened now and given they are keeping the baby I guess you have to suck it up and make the best of a bad situation. Hope it works out well for you all.

Original poster

Justontherightsideofnormal · 07/03/2023 07:22

Stepuptowardsinfinity · 07/03/2023 07:18

Of course it's always sad when the next generation repeats our mistakes but it's happened now and given they are keeping the baby I guess you have to suck it up and make the best of a bad situation. Hope it works out well for you all.

Wow! Maybe you have made mistakes but I never made a mistake having my children at the age I did. Not once have I said I am sad for them.

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Rockingcloggs · 07/03/2023 07:23

Stepuptowardsinfinity · 07/03/2023 07:18

Of course it's always sad when the next generation repeats our mistakes but it's happened now and given they are keeping the baby I guess you have to suck it up and make the best of a bad situation. Hope it works out well for you all.

Repeat our mistakes?!

I'm sure OP doesn't consider her son to be a mistake. Are all children born to younger parents a mistake?

You only have to read some of the posts on here where mothers of all ages are asking questions about/struggling with something daft with regards to babies.

Not everyone wants to go to uni
Not everyone needs to 'find themselves' in their 20s
Not everyone wants to travel - people can and do travel with children
Not everyone wants an illustrious career.

Enufsaid · 07/03/2023 07:41

My mum started her family at 21 and she’s been an amazing mother. I did it ten years later and I don’t think I’m better!

I am sure it’s been a shock for you but now you’ll adjust and make the most of it. Good luck and enjoy the baby!!!!!

bussteward · 07/03/2023 07:46

You can pretend to be the mum, when you bring baby out for a walk.
I hope this is a joke! If not it explains all the “MIL is bonkers and keeps pretending the baby is hers” posts on here 😬

Stepuptowardsinfinity · 07/03/2023 07:46

Sorry I think I misunderstood. I thought you were embarrassed about being a gran at 42 and were obliquely saying your son and GF had messed up getting pregnant so young. I would be but totally get that it's different for you and apologies.

Motheranddaughter · 07/03/2023 07:47

To be honest I would be very disappointed if it was one of mine but I would never show it

Cherryblossoms85 · 07/03/2023 07:49

That's lovely , congratulations!!