Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

previous thread

Aww, thank you both. I think my main worry is that it is quite vocational and what if after a few years of work it turns out he would have been in a better position to choose the exact right degree / career path but he has used up his student finance now. I do think this course will give a lot of transferable skills though, it could still be the basis for alternative careers. I think from being on this thread I can see that it is quite normal to worry about all sorts at this stage of their lives.

EspeciallyDivided, I have doubts about DD’s choice of course too. She really doesn’t know to what end she’s doing it, other than it interests her.
She has ambitions to be a stage designer. Any job in the arts is hugely competitive, poorly paid and insecure, so that’s a concern; DH and I have always lived hand to mouth and COVID ruined us.
BUT life isn’t just about money, and your DS’s choice of course is obviously very much a way of life, a passion, which comes with its own rewards.
I totally agree about the other life experiences that come from going to uni too.

Yes, the passion is what I'm worried is missing TBH. He likes it, finds it interesting and is clearly pretty good at it from his BTEC results but I don't think he's truly passionate about it and that combined with the insecurity / low pay etc is a concern. The passion may well develop during the course though. I wasn't truly passionate about my degree subject and I am still happily working in the field 30 years later.

@EspeciallyDivided @Alsoplayspiccolo I’ve read lots of articles about how many people do Psychology degrees and end up nowhere, because psychology as a career is so competitive and requires several years of (low paid) work experience. I suspect dd may end up doing a two year masters to convert to mental health nursing or OT after this, which would feel frustrating to me as she could have done those things as a first degree and got a bursary too. So I worry about the wasted money and loans etc etc. But like you say, they’re learning lots of other things too, and it’s still not generally a disadvantage to have a degree.

Today’s middle of the night messages from dd were her worrying that she’s made individual friends from all over the place - CU/course/halls etc and what if she doesn’t have a group of friends to share with next year! 😩😂 She’s not even been there a week yet!

@EspeciallyDivided I don't know if this is relevant to your DS's course but thought it might be, our local planning authorities here are seeking a net gain on biodiversity with every planning application.
This has resulted in us having to engage consultants on this pretty much every time where as before we only occasionally did on sensitive sites.
I think there is a big push in conservation and biodiversity so think it's a good thing for him to get in to.

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn I have generally felt that this must surely be a growth area for employment with increasing concern for the environment so that is interesting to hear. DS spoke to someone recently who is an ecological consultant after starting out as a countryside ranger who said how interesting it was.

@crazycrofter - I've heard that about psychology too, it must be the basis of so many future opportunities but the degree itself is not always enough now.

I guess the bottom line is they should do what they like and think they could make a career in, but there are always opportunities to change direction later. I know an art graduate who after several years slogging away on Etsy etc has chucked it in to become a gardener and is loving it but the art skills are something she will always have, as is the degree experience.

ED very few students are really passionate about their subjects. You have to show real passion to get into Oxbridge, music and drama, and some of the other competitive unis probably have people who are truly passionate, but the majority of students drift into a subject because they are good at it, had a teacher who made it interesting at school or think it will lead to a good career. "Finds it interesting and good at it" is very positive!

ED please don't worry, he's ok. It's done now.

We too considered whether ds1 should go to Uni. He could've taken the superb job /training contract that was offered to him by one of the other big boys, and qualified as an accountant, none of this shit owing £54k - which he will pay all because he'll earn decent money. (Whereas I was the last year of no fees, and I took no SL because I had 3 tiny part time jobs, so repaid nothing)

And when a degree is more vocational rather than something that is your passion like English or history then we all question whether it's worth it.

But it's done now. Relax.

Slightly off topic but I notice a number of others on here have been dealing with DSA. My eldest was not diagnosed until 6th form and there was little point in pursuing an EHCP, although she does now get DSA. I am now looking to support my younger DD (who would benefit massively from the type of equipment offered my eldest!)and have been told by many others that getting an EHCP for a high achieving student with no behaviour issues is almost impossible. Anyone here managed to do this?

How old is she @handmademitlove ? And does she have formal diagnoses?
It is theoretically possible to get an EHCP in those circumstances but if she's in 6th form already by the time you get through the very lengthy process it will be time for her to go to uni anyway. My DD (y12 now) is dyslexic and would also benefit from some of these things, and will be applying for DSA but there is no way I'd get an EHCP for her I don't think.

I got DS's EHCP when he was in y5/6 and his behaviour was and always has been impeccable and although he was underachieving at that point vs his potential his progress was not outside the normal range for his age. However it was an 18 month slog through appeals etc and I had to pay for private assessments even though he had formal NHS diagnoses.

That's not to say its not worth a try though, you never know. But I know in my county they seem to reject all but the most severe cases at the first pass leading to appeals etc.

@EspeciallyDivided she is in yr9, with a diagnosis of ASD and currently awaiting assessment for ADHD. She is very high achieving but has some really specific challenges in school relating to language and understanding - she struggles much more in English Lit / RS etc where opinions are expected. School don't really know how to help as they have not dealt with "highly articulate bright students who struggle with english"... and I wonder if she needs more specialist support that they have available... Also things like assisted listening devices to help with auditory processing issues etc. It seems that the support she needs at school is only available at uni level! The LA specialist team acknowledge that english GCSE curriculum does not work for some ASD students but say the only way round it is to rote learn answers and hope they match the questions in the exam! Sorry for the rant, if I mention this within SEND groups I get told I should be grateful she is so bright and will be fine...

Oh, only being in y9 makes a big difference (and I know what you mean about some other groups). In that case I would definitely consider it. DS has a diagnosis of ASD and dyspraxia, he also has speech and language impairment but no formal diagnosis. Have you looked into the process in any depth? I'm a bit busy this afternoon but happy to come back later and discuss, maybe by PM to avoid taking over the thread.

WTF handmade. Is it a good school? Is she happy there? Are they so inexperienced that they don't know how to support a high achieving ASD student? Come on, that's basics.

I'm sorry but I've been spoilt. Ds1 nearly killed me, (and that's not a joke, how I didn't have a nervous breakdown I'll never know) when he was younger. But he was easy at A'level. Never took any support.

But his excellent school, (where ds2 still is) has an ASD unit attached, and all SN children just get on with it, in mainstream. NT kids alongside SN kids, together.

So when I read what you've written, it makes my blood boil.

I haven't mentioned him for a while due to DS1A level/ uni stuff, but my Yr10 DS2 has had a new assessment recently (privately) after having a Dyspraxia assessment back in Yr 4 when we were advised to have him re-tested approaching gcse age.

This report has come back suggesting 'high functioning asd' (which I have to say, I don't think he has personally) I am debating whether to approach the school but really don't know what help they'll be and reading your experience @handmademitlove I'm feeling even less keen.

My biggest concern is his anxiety (high), self esteem (low) and helping him stay focused and organised but he achieves very good grades at a selective school, has friends, and masks well. I know if I go to them with this it will likely be brushed aside or they'll offer him some 'help' that he won't want or won't benefit him. I don't know what sort of support he might want or need at school - if anything. I don't know what to do with the information I have.

Also, those of you without a EHCP for your DCs how did you claim DSA?

You need an official diagnosis for DSA (but you don't for an EHCP). So for DD I will be sending in her Ed.Psych dyslexia diagnostic report. For DS I had to send in his ASD/dyspraxia diagnosis letter (sent the EHCP as extra info).

To be fair to the school, she is very happy there and the support offered for her sensory needs / anxiety / other asd 'quirks' is great and they are very responsive. There just seems to be a disconnect with the highly academic stuff. She masks a lot and is very articulate (her speech and language assessor commented on how uncommon her presentation is). Hence wondering if there is any specialist support out there. The LA say not...

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn there was a lot of scepticism around my Dd's asd diagnosis - but she masks well and even the medics commented on how she has developed coping mechanisms and strategies to blend in. The school are great - the support she has when she is struggling with sensory overload or anxiety is great. So she is happy in school in the knowledge that they understand her needs and how to respond if she is struggling. The academics are harder because the asd effects the very things that gcses test...

This is the thing, my DS's primary school thought he was doing just fine because he was behaving and his achievement was within the range of the year group, but it was blatantly obvious to me that he wasn't achieving what he could and what he was achieving was because they were mollycoddling him along. But they weren't preparing him in any way for secondary school and would have just waved him off to the bottom sets at the local secondary, I wasn't having that.

They really shouldn't be saying that "such and such support isn't available" as that is unlawful. If there are SENs that are not being supported the LA should do a needs assessment and then put in place the support that is identified, if that support is not available they should buy it in. This is why they won't do the assessments in the first place, it costs them too much.

That's interesting @handmademitlove I look at DS and I think I can see ADHD traits and Dyspraxia traits but these are also seen in ASD, I wonder how the Ed Psychs decide where they fall. DS doesn't display any traits that I would consider more typically ASD. I don't know, I feel a bit lost.

We certainly had that in junior school @EspeciallyDivided , we were told blatantly that he wouldn't get any help because he was hitting all his targets and they had little funding so needed to focus it on the children who aren't. The funding is so bad for schools.

Us to! so expensive so I've volunteered to stay home with dog. Emirates on the Saturday for Dd.

DS has freshers flu 😤 He's never really been ill before and apparently he doesn't like it. He's found the flu and cold drugs I packed and spent the day in bed. I hope he hasn't missed anything important 😣
Fellow Rutlanders and other catered Notts folk - what do they do if they feel too ill to go down to dinner but they're hungry?

Do has been allocated “ the best piano teacher ever”.

he’s just video WhatsApped me to show me one of the practice rooms he has booked. His piano teacher has questioned why he applied for Foundation.

@CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee @Monkey2001 we also got tickets today!
So expensive but it’s something to look forward to

I almost wish I was going but DH and DD are bigger fans, we saw them at O2 as a famalam it was epic!

@Comefromaway lovely news ! Dd hasnt got her vocal tutor yet, the pool looks njxe though. Do you think DS could chat further with year 1 degree leader or something? Explore his options?