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What Are Your Rules For Your Adult Children?
25

gardenmumma · 23/08/2022 12:56

What Are (Or Will Be) Your Rules For Adult Children Living At Home?

It will be a while before I have adult kids but would love to know out of curiosity!

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JenGin · 23/08/2022 13:00

Just in general day to day life? Probably not many for me if/when it comes to it other than the basic respect I'd expect from anyone staying in my home.

Tidy up after themselves.
Don't wank me up if you're coming home late.
Talk to me with respect.
Contribute financially (bills etc)
Some sort of ground rules about food, too. If we're all sharing food then replenish something you've finished or if we buy separate food than stick to your own food!

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JenGin · 23/08/2022 13:00

WAKE!!

Don't WAKE me up if you come home late!!

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RatherBeRiding · 23/08/2022 13:03

I didn't really have rules as such - but I expected them to treat the place with respect, tidy up/wash up after themselves. Let me know when they were in/out (roughly) and I expected them to put the washing on the line if it finished and I was out - similarly, bring it in if it was raining. But otherwise it was all very easy-going.

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Hairyfairy01 · 23/08/2022 13:03

Best typo ever!

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gardenmumma · 23/08/2022 13:05

JenGin · 23/08/2022 13:00

WAKE!!

Don't WAKE me up if you come home late!!

😂😂

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Bronzegate · 23/08/2022 13:12

Difficult to follow @JenGin 's contribution, but:

  1. Don't be a dick.


2. No random hook-ups staying overnight (this is my home; I don't want to bump into strangers on my way to the shower).
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Allmarbleslost · 23/08/2022 13:13

Odd thread if it doesn't apply to you op. Are you writing an article?

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JenGin · 23/08/2022 13:19

Sorry, I was reading a post about wanking just before and it must have been on the brain!

To clarify, I won't be imposing wanking rules on my adult children (within reason!)

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Flatandhappy · 23/08/2022 13:21

We don’t have rules, but then again we never really did. We had and have expectations that everyone treats each other and our home with respect, pulls their weight and generally behaves like the kind of people others want to live with. 28 years later it’s worked ok (the younger 2 of 3 are still at home).

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BasiliskStare · 23/08/2022 14:09

Oh @JenGin - that made me giggle - I had a little of fairly reasonable things adult Dc should do - but that has trumped them. I shall not give it further thought

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FindingMeno · 23/08/2022 14:11

There are none.

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HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 23/08/2022 14:13

Leave contact numbers when you’re away. Don’t horde my crockery and cutlery in your room. Contribute something to bills. Always, always call if you’re in trouble. I will come anywhere at anytime to rescue you from anything.

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Orangio · 23/08/2022 14:20

Treat them more as flatmates/lodgers. They MUST contribute financially and contribute to cleaning/cooking or whatever jobs work for you all. If studying full time you might choose to only charge them a food and energy costs contribution, rather than actual rent, however small.
They come and go as they please, as independent adults. Don't ask them what time they'll be home!
They treat your house and the people in it with respect.

Obviously they aren't ACTUALLY a lodger, so a little flexibility goes a long way, but having a rent agreement and treating them like a full adult is the only way to help them mature and eventually move out! It's kindness, not meanness, if you want to raise independent children with lots of self-respect.

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Leafblow · 23/08/2022 14:23

No rules, they are nice people so they don't take the piss and they are adults with full time jobs so they know how to be responsible for themselves.

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HoppingPavlova · 23/08/2022 14:28

Very few really. No sex in our house (and DH and I reciprocate if anyone is home), and don’t waste your money. We certainly don’t dictate what they can/can’t spend their money on but as we don’t ask for any financial contribution at all on the basis they are at home in order to save for the housing market, I’d be annoyed if they were pissing their money away. Poor kids these days, it’s not just getting a deposit together, that’s the easy part, it’s having a large enough deposit so that the repayments are manageable and in an area where it’s not going to take over 2hrs each way to travel to work. So if they are happy to seriously save towards that then happy to finance them living at home to do do.

Apart from that, just general common sense stuff such as calling whoever is at home to see if we need milk/bread/anything particular if they have stopped in at the shop on their way back from somewhere.

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gardenmumma · 23/08/2022 14:43

Allmarbleslost · 23/08/2022 13:13

Odd thread if it doesn't apply to you op. Are you writing an article?

No, was just thinking about what rules I'll put in place when they reach that age.

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SpinCityBlues · 23/08/2022 14:49

I think they just follow on from being teenagers. So decide at this stage, for example, if you are an 'open house' type of home or you want to be asked about friends coming round, eating food, drinking your squash, etc, and also how you expect to be spoken to.

The biggest issue I see on MN threads, repeatedly, is the one of paying 'rent' or 'keep'. Attitudes seem to vary enormously, so have a think about that and what expectations will be.

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gardenmumma · 23/08/2022 14:50

I definitely agree with paying rent and cooking / cleaning. Important life skills.

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gardenmumma · 23/08/2022 14:54

SpinCityBlues · 23/08/2022 14:49

I think they just follow on from being teenagers. So decide at this stage, for example, if you are an 'open house' type of home or you want to be asked about friends coming round, eating food, drinking your squash, etc, and also how you expect to be spoken to.

The biggest issue I see on MN threads, repeatedly, is the one of paying 'rent' or 'keep'. Attitudes seem to vary enormously, so have a think about that and what expectations will be.

I personally would only expect a small amount of rent, just so they get used to helping contribute to a household. Would never want to make it difficult for them to save money.

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OurRescueFarm · 23/08/2022 15:08

Not much really. Text if plans change or if anyone is staying over.

He’s very easy to have around though, he cooks a couple of times each week, puts a wash on, walks the dogs, picks up some shopping, helps with lifts for his little sister. We don’t have to ask, he just does it. No rent as he’s studying full time and only works part time and we help him out with money.

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SpinCityBlues · 23/08/2022 15:19

I think if you have a DC who is rubbish at saving you might take a bit more rent than you strictly need and save it for them or you'll never get rid of them. If they are a super-saver then you can leave them to it.

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HoppingPavlova · 23/08/2022 22:58

I personally would only expect a small amount of rent, just so they get used to helping contribute to a household.

I’ve never understood this philosophy. As long as they are putting money away to at least the equivalent of what would be their board and expenses, what difference does it make whether they pass it over to parents or put it into a savings account they don’t touch? How is one ‘teaching them about the real world’ (not for the poster above but many others on this thread have gone down this route) but the other is? As long as they have a detailed knowledge of the expenses of running the household, so they can manage this independently when they move out, what difference does parents taking a wad of cash from them weekly versus them putting that same wad of cash (plus more ideally) into an account that’s not touched make?

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gardenmumma · 24/08/2022 05:31

I guess my mindset is that they are actually contributing to our family and home. Even if it's just a small amount. Who knows, I may change my mind when the the times come.

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Roselilly36 · 24/08/2022 05:55

My DS’ are 21 & 19, they are good, never given us any bother, so we don’t have rules as such.

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Frenchfancy · 24/08/2022 06:03

No written rules as such. I expect to know when people will be home and if they will be eating with us. I expect doors to be locked and lights to be switched off.

We have always had respect for each other so will always let eachother know what is going on that day.

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