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Son being asked for employment favour by friends not very nice son
39

Legselevens · 11/08/2022 20:14

My son has worked his way up in a certain field that is quite specialist. He has had to work very hard to get where he is. He was friends with my friends son for many years but as they reached teenage years, my friends son was not very nice to my son and he was sort of zoned out or excluded from that group of friends due to this one person. He got on with it and made new friends. However, he has now been approached and I have also by the mother and son. The son is after a job at my sons work and wants him to pull some strings. My first reaction was sod off but Aibu?

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Bonheurdupasse · 11/08/2022 20:16

Absolutely...Grey rock them

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UrsulaPandress · 11/08/2022 20:19

Ha ha ha.

Karma’s a bitch isn’t it?

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SunshineAndFizz · 11/08/2022 20:23

He should only recommend someone who he actually thinks is decent and reliable. This could jeopardise his reputation, the 'friend' doesn't sound like a particularly good person.

Plus, f**k him for treating him badly in the past.

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MrsBigTed · 11/08/2022 20:28

It sounds like theu haven't been in touch for some time, I'd keep it quite light, and say "sorry, I can't recommend someone I don't know so we'll. Happy to pass on the website I was recruited through" or some similar offer of direction

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SparklyAntlers · 11/08/2022 20:30

He just needs to say 'I can only recommend people I've worked with directly', which I think is a rule most people try to follow anyway. Knowing someone personally and knowing them as a worker are two entirely different things, and in this case the other man doesn't even have any redeeming personal qualities!

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MeridianGrey · 11/08/2022 20:35

No is a complete sentence.

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onmywayamarillo · 11/08/2022 20:36

Tell them no 😀 make your own way

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icelollycraving · 11/08/2022 20:38

Is she still your friend? Just say your son had to work his way up and they only value recommendations of professional relationships, where they have worked together for a length of time.

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FrippEnos · 11/08/2022 20:41

what MrsBigTed said.

Remember that he has fucked your DS over once, he will do it again.

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Amichelle84 · 11/08/2022 20:43

They'd be getting a big fat no in the face.

What goes around comes around

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eish · 11/08/2022 20:44

I agree about the not recommending someone unless you have actually worked together. If your son did recommend him and he was not good it would reflect badly on him.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 11/08/2022 20:47

SparklyAntlers · 11/08/2022 20:30

He just needs to say 'I can only recommend people I've worked with directly', which I think is a rule most people try to follow anyway. Knowing someone personally and knowing them as a worker are two entirely different things, and in this case the other man doesn't even have any redeeming personal qualities!

Are you still friendly with his mum? This is pretty diplomatic.

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hairymclaryforever · 11/08/2022 21:01

Cheeky

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Legselevens · 11/08/2022 21:05

Some useful suggestions thanks. My son agrees 🤓. I was feeling a little guilty but it was a rotten time for him

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dustandroses · 11/08/2022 21:06

If you are still friends with the mum how did she react / deal with her son excluding yours?

YANBU your son needs to say no, how old are they that his mum is asking?

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Ticksallboxes · 11/08/2022 21:19

eish · 11/08/2022 20:44

I agree about the not recommending someone unless you have actually worked together. If your son did recommend him and he was not good it would reflect badly on him.

This! Don't get involved and, as a PP said, he'll probably eventually end up screwing him over again.

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tenbob · 11/08/2022 21:23

The last few companies I’ve worked for have had anti-nepotism policies, specifically to prevent existing employees get internships and jobs for friends and family

He could just say ‘we have a strict anti nepotism policy, so to be honest, if I put him forward in any capacity, his application will be much more closely scrutinised than if he just applies through normal channels’ and that should shut them up

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5zeds · 11/08/2022 21:27

No. Work is work, social life is social life. Draw the line and stick to it.

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CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 11/08/2022 21:27

Amazed you feel guilty! Who are these people to you? They're no-one, worse than no-one. Wonder if they've ever felt guilty for his past behaviour!
Cheeky buggers asking for a favour (presumably) without even offering an apology first. That's some brass neck. I wouldn't recommend them on that basis alone.

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Elvira2000 · 11/08/2022 21:37

This is easy: say "yes" that
your son will do it to the ex friend and mother. But of course your son shouldn't at all.

Then, then if the ex friend gets the job (hopefully not!), your son was the "rainmaker". If he doesn't, a shrug of the shoulders - not that you'll probably hear from them again.

I can't see the point of having them on your case if your son says no. Just lie - for an easy life.

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Insidelaurashead · 11/08/2022 21:37

If your DS wanted to help, he could say 'sure, I'll let you know if I spot any vacancies' and leave it at that.

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britneyisfree · 11/08/2022 21:41

Elvira2000 · 11/08/2022 21:37

This is easy: say "yes" that
your son will do it to the ex friend and mother. But of course your son shouldn't at all.

Then, then if the ex friend gets the job (hopefully not!), your son was the "rainmaker". If he doesn't, a shrug of the shoulders - not that you'll probably hear from them again.

I can't see the point of having them on your case if your son says no. Just lie - for an easy life.

This is probably the easiest option, especially if you're still friends!!

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custardbear · 11/08/2022 21:48

Fuck that he'll get a reputation for being friendly with, I assume, deadbeats

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Legselevens · 12/08/2022 01:43

In answer to some questions, I am still friends with the mum whom I see as part of a group occasionally. When my son was zoned out by her son, we all just sort of accepted it and no one said anything. My son was hurt at the time as was I but he moved on and made other friends. Some great advice, my son is now a grown adult and has enjoyed me relaying the great advice from mumsnet😀

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GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/08/2022 01:47

As your son is a grown adult I’d leave it up to him to deal with.

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