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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Contacting adult child when they're ill.

44 replies

WTFmum · 27/04/2022 21:28

Would you ring your adult child if they got covid? Or is everyone just blasé about it now? Am I wrong to expect my mum to call me to see if I'm OK?

OP posts:
Rekorderlig88 · 27/04/2022 21:30

As a mum I would text at v least daily but as a daughter ri wouldn't be fusse dif my mum didn't

Greydogs123 · 27/04/2022 21:31

Depends on your parent, I guess. My mum phoned most days to check how I was and nag me to buy an oxygen wotsit to check my oxygen levels! (I’m in my 40s).

MichelleScarn · 27/04/2022 21:31

Does she know you are unwell? Is your dad still about and being similarly judged? Do you have a partner?

Happierthanever91 · 27/04/2022 21:33

My Mum sent me a message everyday just to check in

Original poster
WTFmum · 27/04/2022 21:33

Dad dead. I'm alone. Obviously it's part of a bigger picture of her not bothering with me. Just feels very cold.

OP posts:
Original poster
WTFmum · 27/04/2022 21:34

Just wanted a sense check...

OP posts:
hiredandsqueak · 27/04/2022 21:35

My son had covid a couple of weeks ago, we text daily anyway but I text more often to check on him and pushed paracetamol through the letterbox and left shopping on his doorstep.

Holly60 · 27/04/2022 21:36

Called both DS and DD daily when they had it. I think they probably sent each other eye roll emojis about their fussy mother Grin also called to check on DSIL and DDIL when they each went down with it too. Am I too involved?? 😂

tiredanddangerous · 27/04/2022 21:37

My mum is like yours op. It's hard to cope with even now I'm in my 40s 💐

Original poster
WTFmum · 27/04/2022 21:40

@Holly60 No! That's exactly how I would be with my dc. I would even say that's normal. I'm a really good daughter, just not good enough. Yes, I am ill and having a pity party 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
WTFmum · 27/04/2022 21:42

@tiredanddangerous Yes, always another thing to do our heads in.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 27/04/2022 21:42

Yes my parents would message me.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 27/04/2022 21:43

Mine wouldn't. I know she loves me, but she struggles with stuff like that for some reason, barely ever messages unless I message first. I don't know if she'd be more proactive if I was ill and on my own, but she likes to be left alone when ill and assumes everyone else is the same so I doubt it. I try not to take it personally because I genuinely don't think it's meant that way

JennysWell · 27/04/2022 21:48

Mine phoned to say “bring me random non essential things today” and when I said I wasn’t well, wouldn’t visit, she just went off on how unfair that was, no care for me. It hurts and I eventually told her and we are not talking now

stimpyyouidiot · 27/04/2022 21:49

My mum FaceTimes me or I FaceTime her nearly every day. Through Covid she was checking up more

Pigeoning · 27/04/2022 21:54

Mine wouldn't because she knows I hate phone calls of any description (autistic) but when I had covid she messaged asking how I was feeling, let her know how I was doing etc.

She asked if I needed anything ordering, we live hours apart so not easy to pop in with shopping etc. I did the same for her, offered to book a shop, gousto, Amazon some supplies over etc.

I guess it also depends how severely your experience of covid is, most people I know have just had the equivalent of a cold, not requiring lots of check ins.

WindyKnickers · 27/04/2022 22:01

No. She might have messaged a couple of times. She knows I'll ask for help if I need it. We get on fine but neither of us have expectations of the other above semi- regular (maybe twice a month) calls, almost always initiated by me and an occasional WhatsApp picture of the DC doing some activity or other. I visit a few times a year and she babysits very rarely, but not reluctantly, if I ask. We just don't really need each other that much. Dad (they are divorced) is exactly the same.

Pixiedust1234 · 27/04/2022 22:03

It depends. My mum preferred using the landline rather than text so no she wouldn't phone daily as she would assume I would be sleeping etc and that I would call her if i needed anything.

I text and WhatsApp my daughters several times a week so I would definitely contact them every day if I knew they were ill (and I did).

I guess it depends on your contact medium

Original poster
WTFmum · 27/04/2022 22:05

I think I need to be more like you in my approach windy! I think this is the level she wants.

OP posts:
withacherryonthetop · 27/04/2022 22:07

Your mum should contact you and I’m sorry she hasn’t. I had covid the other week and my mum dropped me off some nurofen, throat lozenges, a book and some chocolate. I would do the same for my kids when they’re adults. I hope you feel better soon

Original poster
WTFmum · 27/04/2022 22:15

Thank you for being kind.

OP posts:
Ohbuggeritsme · 27/04/2022 22:16

Had covid Christmas 2020 (along with other half and daughter). Mum and dad phoned daily, to begin with, twice.or three times a day when things got a bit lively, and then back to once a day when things calmed down and we felt better

I'm sorry you feel sad about your mum not contacting you. Happy to message you here regularly to check in on you x

BitOutOfPractice · 27/04/2022 22:18

My mom is elderly now so I’d expect to call her and let her know. She’d then phone me or text me daily / or I would her (we don’t keep count!) to see how I am. It’s not a competition here though we are in touch every day anyway so…

hellcatspanglelalala · 27/04/2022 22:20

I am in contact with my adult dc daily anyway (just general chit chat on messenger) so when they had covid it was just part of the general chat. I'm not sure if I'd ring them daily to specifically check on their covid state though.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 27/04/2022 22:21

I check on family members if they are ill.

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