Did you make a wise decision when your adult DCs were teens to stop asking them to clean their rooms? Success stories please!

[stirling]

Just that really! I've tried everything, sanctions, support, gentle nudging, not so gentle nudging, hysteria...

Then I thought about a close friend who's lost her adult child, and wondered if it's even worth bothering with this?

Did anyone here change tact when their kids were teens and are glad about it now?

Thank you

I charged my eldest age 17 £50 to tidy his bedroom, then gave the money to my other son to do the work for me. Money talked and he kept it tidy after.

When they were at primary school they could earn £1 for tidying and hoovering their rooms. So they know how to do it. However, I just used to close the door and turn a blind eye when they were teens.

DD (working) now pretty good at cleaning up after herself and her room, DS not so, but also not as messy and still a student.

I used to let them have a mess until it got to be a Health And Safety Issue, I wasn’t prepared to let them go to sleep in a room where you couldn’t see any flooring 🤣
So around 4 times a year I’d mention that they had 24 hours to clean and tidy their room or I’d be going in with bin bags and the whole lot would go to Charity/dustbin. It worked every time and I never had to “nag”.

I leave them to it. No food is allowed upstairs (they've broken this rule a couple of times, ended up with mice so they don't break it anymore). They do their own laundry and make their own decisions about how tidy the room is.

None of them are particularly tidy but their rooms never get to the smelly stage.

I hoover around the mess when hoovering the dirty washing and dishes get left in his room he does eventually sort them out but can take a few days I don't moan at him it's his room but I do tell him he needs to get it sorted every few days.

It is entirely up to ds(18) to clean his room, how often he dusts, vacuums or changes his bedding is up to him. He does his own laundry and is good at putting it away (big drawers with plenty of room and not too many clothes is the answer).

There is usually a fair bit of clutter, a light layer of dust and dust bunnies that would drive me mad, but he keeps to the basic boundaries that were drilled into him when he was younger and are the usual problems with teens - rubbish goes in his bin until it overflows, clothes in laundry basket, or put away, no meals in room and he has a good habit of bringing glasses down when he is coming down anyway (because otherwise he will run out of the big pint glasses he uses).

If I went in to see him and it was starting to become a pit I would ask him to get it sorted and he would.

Their room - their problem.
I didn't set foot in there for years.

One is really tidy, the other has lots of gadgets all over the place but neither is dirty.
It's not nice to be in a smelly room, to have no clean clothes, piles of plates and mugs everywhere, crusty bed sheets...

Muuum I've got no clean pants.

You know where the washing basket is, you want room service go to a hotel.

My youngest (now 21) bought himself a mini hoover a couple of years back.

Battling doesn't work. Backing off and not giving a crap when they whinge that they've got no clean clothes does.
Ime anyway.

I banned food from the bedroom but otherwise left it alone as she would have a massive blitz to have friends around.

I also stopped doing laundry except school clothes (but she would have to iron them) which I would to have to nag her to collect. Once she ran out of clothes she would dump huge piles in the bathroom and I wasn;t prepared to do several loads because of her disorganization so she had to do it herself. She now does her own laundry regularly and without nagging.

I still nag about communal areas, especially when she leaves the bathroom a soggy mess and dumps her plates with leftovers in the kitchen.

She is now a student and has done a massive declutter and blitz of her room recently which I helped with.

@Marmelace

I charged my eldest age 17 £50 to tidy his bedroom, then gave the money to my other son to do the work for me. Money talked and he kept it tidy after.

So funny! Loved this.

Thank you everyone for the replies