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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

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Original poster

Am I selfish for not wanting to stay in a Covid-infested house?

55 replies

SurferBoy02 · 18/01/2022 10:49

My five year old brother and stepdad recently tested positive for Covid so I have asked my grandparents if I could come and stay with them to avoid getting it (obviously I'll do everything I can to ensure I avoid bringing it to their house). My Mum is complaining now that it messes up her plans as she needs to be able to take the other two children (7 and 8) to school but she can't if there is no-one else to stay home with my brother as my stepdad can't get out of bed. She is saying now that it's far from ideal but she may take him with her and ask someone from the school to come and get the other two children from the car and take them in.
Am I being selfish?

OP posts:

Twillow · 18/01/2022 11:00

Possibly. Depends your stepdad can't get out of bed? How old are you?

sheeplikessleep · 18/01/2022 11:04

You risk being unknowingly positive at the moment and taking it into your grandparents.

How old are you?

Original poster

SurferBoy02 · 18/01/2022 11:10

I'm 19

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2022 11:14

It is a bit- you're prioritising your wish to get away from it above your responsibility to avoid spread, as well as your grandparents' wish not to get it.

It's not very team/family spirited- but I guess you have reason not to feel very family spirited.

Do you feel your stepfather could and should supervise your little brother, despite being ill?

Your mum may well appreciate the support, as she can't leave the Covid infested house!

Bouncer500 · 18/01/2022 11:15

You would be unreasonable to go anywhere near your grandparents when you have been living in a household where someone has covid. Unless you are very vulnerable you are unlikely to get seriously ill from coronavirus at 19. Your grandparents are at a much bigger risk.

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2022 11:16

I'd be more sympathetic if you had a crucial exam you were trying to avoid missing. Like a driving test you didn't want to cancel etc.

It's been a crap year for that kind of thing.

ApolloandDaphne · 18/01/2022 11:16

If I were you I would stay and help your DM at home rather than potentially infecting your grandparents.

80sMum · 18/01/2022 11:20

Sorry but I'm inclined to agree with what others are saying. Unless you are extremely vulnerable or have a critically important job (paramedic for example) you should stay at home.
If you do decide to move out on a temporary basis, it should definitely not be to your grandparents' house. You are probably already infected and there's a very high liklihood that you would pass the virus on to them.

Wankerchief · 18/01/2022 11:26

Not sure why so many think you obligated to watch the kid.
The responsibility of the kids are not the OPS. They are not a childminder
The child has two parents, there’s no reason. The step dad can watch his own child for the duration of the school run. The child is old enough to sit in the bedroom with dad till mum gets back

Also the ops age is irrelevant. They could work/have health reasons not to want to have to watch a covid positive person.

My own 11 year old has covid and that care falls on me and his dad not his siblings

Wankerchief · 18/01/2022 11:27

Also critically important job? I work in a supermarket, it’s important enough to pay the bills and feed the kids so yeah, critical to me

BendingSpoons · 18/01/2022 11:42

I would have thought a 5yo was old enough to be in front of the TV during the school run as there is another adult in the house.

I don't think moving to your grandparents once potentially already exposed is a good plan (assuming they don't have a separate annex etc you could use).

Original poster

SurferBoy02 · 18/01/2022 11:52

@BendingSpoons

I would have thought a 5yo was old enough to be in front of the TV during the school run as there is another adult in the house.

I don't think moving to your grandparents once potentially already exposed is a good plan (assuming they don't have a separate annex etc you could use).

I nor my mum would feel comfortable just leaving him in front of the tv, even if it is just during the school run. He's got a lung condition which often gives him breathing difficulties so I'd say he's pretty vulnerable. I've already told my Mum that I think if he gets any worse then he should go into hospital. He's wiped right out.

OP posts:

sheeplikessleep · 18/01/2022 11:53

@Wankerchief

Not sure why so many think you obligated to watch the kid. The responsibility of the kids are not the OPS. They are not a childminder The child has two parents, there’s no reason. The step dad can watch his own child for the duration of the school run. The child is old enough to sit in the bedroom with dad till mum gets back

Also the ops age is irrelevant. They could work/have health reasons not to want to have to watch a covid positive person.

My own 11 year old has covid and that care falls on me and his dad not his siblings

I asked OPs age as could have been younger, before everyone starts piling in.

I think that’s important context as the YABU board can be quite direct.

Original poster

SurferBoy02 · 18/01/2022 11:55

Might I add that I'm a qualified childcare practitioner

OP posts:

PatchworkElmer · 18/01/2022 11:56

I’d stay well away from your grandparents

SummerHouse · 18/01/2022 11:58

I think anybody in a covid positive house should stay put unless they are vulnerable.

Echobelly · 18/01/2022 12:01

I understand you not wanting to stay, but wouldn't risk wanting to take it to a more vulnerable household, so think you will just have to stay home as a low-risk individual.

CagneyNYPD1 · 18/01/2022 12:02

Going to your grandparents would be v irresponsible. Stay put. Keep windows open as much as possible. Wear a face mask at home.

Aworldofmyown · 18/01/2022 12:02

I think you are being selfish, tbh. No, you don't have to look after your sibling; he's not your responsibility. But, you could, and it would be the nicer thing to do.
Also, don't go and stay with your grandparents!

SoupDragon · 18/01/2022 12:05

Not sure why so many think you obligated to watch the kid.

Because it's family and families are meant to help and support each other.

AdviceOnLife · 18/01/2022 12:07

I think yes it would be really selfish to go to your grandparents. Covid would be worse for them than you.
But it would be reasonable for you to stay home but isolate in your room and let the parents worry about childcare. It would be nice if you could help out with that but there is no obligation for you to.
And yes if brother gets any sicker approach your mum about taking him to the hospital. It's better safe than sorry especially if he is vulnerable.

Talipesmum · 18/01/2022 12:08

Other than not wanting to catch it cos it’s not nice being ill, what particular reasons do you have for wanting to not stay in the house? For work? Exams? Are you more vulnerable than others? For me, it’s only worth potentially risking your grandparents and making it much harder for the rest of your family if you’ve got a v good reason that trumps that.

Wankerchief · 18/01/2022 12:09

@SoupDragon

Not sure why so many think you obligated to watch the kid.

Because it's family and families are meant to help and support each other.

Should her family help and support her to not catch covid?

Iggly · 18/01/2022 12:11

You may already have it.

So no, I wouldn’t go somewhere else unless you can categorically say you’ve not been exposed already.

You’re 90, I assume fit and healthy? Just ventilate, wear a mask if you must. And stay home but don’t go potentially infecting your grandparents 😨

Iggly · 18/01/2022 12:12

*19 not 90 😂

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