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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Empty nest syndrome

51 replies

sandwiches77 · 08/11/2021 10:03

My DC haven't even left home yet and I'm starting to grieve. My twins will be 18 soon and my heart is literally starting to break already. Neighbours opposite were walking their young kids to school and I had to run into the bathroom for a quick cry. Tried to talk to DH about it but I think it's a Mum thing as he didn't get it.
Hand hold please

OP posts:
pippistrelle · 08/11/2021 16:38

I do get it. My daughter is 17 and will be off to University next year. As we do those annual things that mark a year, I keep thinking 'this will be the last time we do this', and it does make me sad. On the other hand, I'm very proud that we've raised someone who's ready to venture out into the world. And she'll be a great addition to it. You'll find other things to fill the gap. As will I.

AutumnWreath · 08/11/2021 16:44

Your empty nest syndrome won't last long once they actually leave home and you've given yourself time .
You will be able to buy whatever food you like and it will still be in the cupboard when you fancy it.
Your house will remain clean . Laundry will be halved at least. No pick up late at night. Clean kitchen / bathroom. Date night every night if you want it. Watch what you want on t.v..
Peace whenever you chose . Bathrooms for as long as you want.

Wolfiefan · 08/11/2021 16:45

My eldest has gone to uni. You need to build a life of your own. Hobbies. Friends. Do what you enjoy.

Pumpkinsonparade · 08/11/2021 16:52

Well it can't be a coincidence that 4 of my dc have left home and I have 4 ddogs..
Blush

hollypocks · 08/11/2021 17:00

I feel for you, my twins have just left this September for uni and I really struggled, was literally sobbing in the shower everyday at the thought of them leaving after A level results day. I have to say that the reality has been better than the thought of it ahead of time; they are both thriving and actually we have really good conversations about uni life and it’s so wonderful to see the people they are. It’s not easy and really hits me when I’m working from home alone and they’d normally be home after sixth form. But I do feel thankful that they are living their dreams and that they still keep in touch. It is a massive adjustment for sure

Original poster
sandwiches77 · 08/11/2021 18:38

Pumpkinsonparade I recently got a Ddog Grin DC haven't even left yet and it's hitting me. Ddog does help now that the DC spend all their time at home upstairs

OP posts:
Original poster
sandwiches77 · 08/11/2021 18:41

hollypocks joy of twins, leaving the nest at the same time. Meanwhile I'm sobbing at the thought of both of my babies leaving and they havent even left yet!

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Original poster
sandwiches77 · 08/11/2021 18:44

Wolfiefan I don't have any hobbies! I'm all at sea, I can't remember life before DC

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Pumpkinsonparade · 08/11/2021 18:47

I was 17 when I had my first dc. Youngest is 7.. I am 50 now.
An absolute shock to the system having no dc at home all day.
And no buggy to carry everything!!

Mythroatisstillsore · 08/11/2021 18:52

I have twins, both left this year, it is really hard but lovely to see. You do feel a bit redundant...try and keep busy is all i can advise

Original poster
sandwiches77 · 08/11/2021 19:58

mythroatisstillsore what do i keep busy with? Sorry I just feel all at sea and a serious case of the blues and twins haven't left yet

OP posts:
gogohm · 08/11/2021 21:12

It lasts just a few weeks, you then get fed up when a global pandemic forces them home! Get some hobbies

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/11/2021 07:39

you will be relieved by the time they go, trust me, i spent so much time with dd, taking her out, as she was going to uni, treating her, picking up from parties.
as of last week we are empty nesters.
as mentioned above, food still here, bathroom still clean, lack of laundry bit of an issue as i like washing - but i will get over it.
the reality is not so bad op

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/11/2021 07:40

keep busy with something for you

Roselilly36 · 09/11/2021 07:46

Sounds a bit overwhelming, are your twins planning on leaving soon? I don’t understand if your post is based on fear of them leaving in future or they actually are. Have two DS’ 20 & 18, I will miss them so much when they leave home, but I accept it’s part of life. Can’t see either of them leaving anytime soon though.

Original poster
sandwiches77 · 09/11/2021 10:42

Blues hit me yesterday, don't know why, they haven't even left yet!

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BigSandyBalls2015 · 09/11/2021 10:48

I think it's very difficult with twins if they both leave at the same time for uni. At least with most DCs it is staggered.

I have twins, one at uni, one at home but she is out a lot at work/staying with boyfriend, so most of the time is just me and DH. You do get used to it, but it's very different.

BestZebbie · 09/11/2021 10:53

If you don't have any hobbies, now is a great time to start. I'd suggest volunteering as it also comes with social contact and a sense of doing something useful for other people which might be things you are missing once they go. How about becoming a Brownie leader if you miss children specifically, or something like a foodbank or local museum if you'd rather avoid children?

Icecreamsprinkles · 09/11/2021 11:11

Don’t worry they invariably bounce back! My eldest bounced back after uni just as the youngest was about to go . He has finally moved out last month and finally I had my empty nest, a few weeks of quiet , a tidy house and free access to my car before the youngest came back this week on uni placement for 6 weeks.

123tigger · 09/11/2021 11:34

My youngest now back home from uni. He now working and living at home. Whilst he saves up for deposit. He happy here rather than in a house share. They seem to boomerang until they settle down. One daughter always round lives local. Other daughter lives up in the north east was hard during lockdown but modern technology allows you to keep in touch.
They all like to come and visit. We had a few months of none of them at home.You do adjust to them not being in the house. You just appreciate when they are around. Telling you all the stories that are going on in their lives.

Original poster
sandwiches77 · 09/11/2021 14:03

It is having twins, obviously both of them leaving home at the same time. Hobbies and volunteering here I come Grin

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OverByYer · 04/12/2021 16:53

I was just about to start a thread on this. Both of my sons left for uni in October, and its breaking me. I miss them both so much.
I work full time, I have hobbies and friends but I can't bear the empty quiet house. I am so glad they are at uni and having a great time and would never let them know how sad I feel.
Menopause doesnt help, but I am on HRT, thinking I might need a mild anti depressant .

BeyondMyWits · 04/12/2021 17:01

I don't have twins but both my daughters went to uni this year, leaving the nest empty... for a bit at least.

What broke me was Dd19 saying "oh, we won't be here for the advent calendar this year",

followed by taking Dd20 to the railway station and as she turned round to wave goodbye she said "I'll text you when I get home"

Oh...

I had a little cry. Life goes on...

salcombebabe · 04/12/2021 17:14

My boy/girl twins left home this year. They’re 25 and, up until this week, I’ve been mostly fine. BUT this week I’ve been so so low! I miss them more than ever participating now as the anticipation of Christmas would be so exciting while we were all together and, now, I’m all alone and it really hit me hard. I haven’t cried so much in years as I have this week. I told them how I was feeling and they’ve both been brilliant in coming round or inviting me to theirs. Had them both here this afternoon and it was just perfect ❤️❤️

salcombebabe · 04/12/2021 17:14

*particularly