Anyone’s dc have no interest in finding a partner?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Dd1 is 20 and so far has shown no interest in finding a partner (of either sex).

I’m pretty sure she’s straight, not that it makes a difference. She was at a girls school and is now at college where there are very few boys.

She was on Tinder for a while out of curiosity but came off it because she thinks it’s for people looking for sex which she doesn’t want. No interest in other dating apps that are less sex focussed.

Of course she is an adult and completely her choice but I’m just wondering if this might be a long term thing.

Younger dd (18) asked her if she was asexual, dd1 said maybe.

Has anyone else experienced this and did things change?

Some of these replies are bizarre. But I suppose it's that MN thing that when your child turns 18 you must show no interest in their life

To clarify, I have no 'expectation' that dd should meet a partner and settle down at the age of 20. I do not, and will not, question her about her choices and nor do any family members. Some of these posts are extrapolating circumstances that just aren't there.

I think that a lot of the time a boyfriend holds a young woman back in life

@AnotherMarvellousThing why wouldn't having a girlfriend hold a young man back in life? Or a lesbian couple?

@Takingeachday thank you for your post. I think there is a big difference in being happily single and living a rich, fulfilling life and secretly actually wanting to date a bit but lacking in confidence so pretending you don't care.

My parents also thought that there was something wrong with me because I never had a boyfriend or even a snog throughout my teens. My mother gently mentioned several times that it's ok to be lesbian, assuming that was the issue because of my lack of interest in boys.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 20 and met my husband when I was 21 so it was just a case of being a late bloomer maybe.

I was always shy and reserved and didn't suffer fools, so I didn't really relate to many boys my age. I went to a mixed school where many of the boys behaved like zoo animals so that added to the lack of interest in men.

Just sharing my experience in case it's helpful. If she seems happy enough I wouldn't worry.

I wouldn't worry - I had no real interest in sex or relationships until my 20s, I never dated or even tried to before I was 21. I think it's more common than people think, not every teenager is desperate for either.

@Feelingoktoday

In my late teens and early twenties I got very fed up with family asking if I had a boyfriend yet. It was as though I had no status until I had a boyfriend.

Yes me too, hated it. It was mortifying. And the "we thought you were an eternal spinster!" style remarks when I did meet my husband annoyed the hell out of me.

Well I’m older than your DD at 35 so maybe I’m speaking a load of irrelevant waffle, and maybe your DD is asexual or not straight but for me I don’t find I meet very many men that would make nice partners. Certainly none worth giving up my free time or living space for. I would imagine the men your DD is socialising with are also probably a lot less mature than the ones I’m meeting so maybe have even less to offer her. For me it’s very much a case of “none of them are worth the hassle they bring”

Another one who felt like the odd one out in a family full of people who settled down with a long term partner in late teens or early 20s, and had to put up with interrogations about why I wasn’t “courting”.

As it happens I did meet DP when I was 21 but we were quite casual for many years (monogamous relationship but didn’t live together, no heartfelt chats about the future, went long-distance for a while when I moved for work) so I had the best of both worlds for a while.

Op if she says she is happy then take that at face value.

@bendmeoverbackwards

I think that a lot of the time a boyfriend holds a young woman back in life

@AnotherMarvellousThing why wouldn't having a girlfriend hold a young man back in life? Or a lesbian couple?

In my experience — teaching undergraduates for many years — straight women are statistically more likely to be held back by a serious boyfriend at a young age.

@DisgruntledPelican, me too — DH snd I got together as students, but made a pact not to let that make us miss out on anything. We lived and studied in different countries etc for years.

I did a lot of snogging & other things, but didn’t have a serious boyf until I met dh in my early 20s. He’d never had a gf either! I don’t think there’s anything wrong W not having a relationship until you’re 20, but it probably wasn’t great neither of us having much bedroom experience, let’s be Frank about it!
Dd hasn’t had a relationship at 19, I’m
Not unduly concerned, but it would be lovely if she met someone who is good for her (male/female etc idk!).

To the best of my knowledge, our 23 yo DD doesn't have any interest either in having a relationship but having said that, I think it quite likely she will be one of those that when she meets ''the one'', that will be it.

Having said that, when she first moved away she was coming up with weird suggestions such as it was a waste of money for her to own a decent car (nothing fancy, just low milage and about 5 years old) and she wanted to sell it to trade for an old european model, plus wanted to sell other stuff that had some value. It didn't take long for us to figure out a ''work mate'' was behind these ideas and we told her what we thought about it all.

That guy is still in the background, so whether he is still just a colleague or something else, I doubt we will know any time soon. Certainly no sign of a male living at hers when I last stayed over.

My partners sister is now 36 very career focused, never had a relationship that we are aware of. She is starting fostering next year but has stated she has no desire to have children herself. She openly says she's straight also.

She interestingly did have counselling and CBT a few years back for OCD and control issues

Lots of young people now choose not to couple up. Many youngsters actively don't want children because of the climate emergency. A lot of young women just want to live their own lives as happily as they can.