Oh older daughters fell out with him over my pregnancy

[anno12]

So i'm 28 and oh is 38, he had two daughters when he was very young who are 20 and 18.

He split with their mum 10 years ago and oldest daughter doesn't speak to her mum so oh does everything for her, pays rent, phone bills the lot.

Takes both on amazing holidays and generally gives them way more than any dad i know

I have a 4 year old with my ex husband however marriage broke down due to extreme domestic violence and his dad is not allowed near us so my little boy calls oh dad and they have the best bond

When we first got together i worried how his daughters would re act to my age and my little boy however we met and got on great and both said my little boy was lucky to have their dad as his dad which was lovely

I got on great with both girls, infact older daughter would speak to me about things she didn't want to talk to dad about and ive spoiled both of them the way i spoil my little boy and always made sure we include them

However at new year when oh left the room older daughter went on a rant and told me i better not dare have kids with her dad. It was so aggresive and when she left i ended up bursting into tears.

At 28 more kids where very much part of our plan so when oh brought up trying for a baby i asked him to speak to them and told him i was worried it would cause problems
He said she must of been joking and on speaking to them she said she was and didn't mind

However she came to stay with us for lockdown and asking me 1 day if i thought i was a bit old for more kids ( i mean no 28 isn't old)
I told oh there is issue and he spoke to her again
Then came the younger 1 claiming he doesnt pay her mum maintenance , this is a lie we have joint account she gets £430 a month so it just seemed issues where cropping up and maybe where had decided not so happy with our relationship

He reassured me all defo ok and im now a few months pregnant and he told girls start of the week, first people we told and his older daughter erupted.

Said they should of been taking out for dinner to be told ( i have HG plus im having to be careful as have severe asthma aswell as being pregnant so not going for dinners atm)
She then told him good luck with his new family and was horrible about me.
I ended up saying i thought this was unfair as she is part of the family. Ive given her so much i help her all the time and so does her dad. She told me to F off and blocked me
She then blocked him and so did younger daughter

Ive seen others on here saying older children have right to be angry but given we told them we planned on ttc and they said happy for us too i dont get it

I would never of acted like that if it was my dad but my dad would never have being paying my bills and spoiling me how they are at 20 so maybe i'm strange

Ive told him to maybe go see them and let them know he is always there but he feels he has done nothing wrong and no need for her to have acted like that

@anno12

Thanks to anyone who has replied with a congratulations

I really don't like conflict and this has stressed me out to no end but i know i can't control her reaction so doing as my Oh wishes and leaving it be

Hoping they do end up making up

Do think they messages she sent are not acceptable but will let it slide if she does come round and not mention it

No the messages absolutely need to be addressed. Your OH needs to make it clear they were not acceptable. Ether he does it or you do.

She isn’t a ten year old. She is a grown woman

The focus on being taken for meal seems bizarrely tbh it does make them seem spoilt.

@passthebucket89 will thats what i could not understand why not being taken for a meal would cos such outrage

Her words where maybe she would have been happy if we had the decency to take them for a meal and had we forgotten lockdown was over why have we not had them out ?

For background we do usually maybe once a month all go for a nice meal but given how sick i am we had them over instead.

Her dad responded by explaining how sick i was to which she said i was just pathetic and so it carried on

Fingers crossed she never expriences HG

@anaadiniyta defo leaving the discussion about the texts to Oh

He is defo of the view she has acted in a very unacceptable way, way past the realms of expressing feeling annoyed

@eggcellent29 i wasn't going to reply as found the comment quite rude

I am a mum of a little boy everyday of my life is putting someone else above me and giving the fact i allowed his daughter to say the most vile things to me i clearly did put her above me

I had a c section with my little boy so ive had from her im not a real mother anyway due to the way i gave birth

We've had that her dads already had two good looking kids and there is ugly genes in his family so our children will be so f ugly

Sorry but she is a 20 year old she knows right from wrong and no matter how upset she may be thats not ok at all and i would have been perfectly entitled to react to her but i didn't i allowed her to vent so clearly i am very good at putting others before me. As i stated my last marriage was extremely abusive so infact my very nature is just to please others etc so you stating i need to put her feelings above mine is not fair

Also you have failed to see this all started as she said if we had been decent enough to take her for dinner to tell her she would of been happy but thought it was a disgrace we just told her at home ...

And in the early discussions of our relationship i spoke to both girls about my age and so on as did my oh if they had expressed any of these insane outbursts at that point i woul not of entertained the relationship. As it happens she was sweetest and light and kept saying she was so happy her dad had finally met someone lovely etc

Despite her awfulness i do feel she is immature and has just lashed out hence not wanting her and her dad to fall out however my oh feels differently and after telling her at first how much he loves her would always be there, he was met with f off and insults he now won't be in touch until she says apologises. I don't believe she will apologise and thought for the sake of not losing her he should send a supportive message however i am now leaving him to do what he feels best

In regards to the financial point most of her outrage around baby was about not getting taking for dinner, worried a holiday we r taking them on wouldn't go ahead so it does now feel its all about money which is wrong and oh did explain baby would not change how she is treated finanically.

Lastly on refelction i really have not done anything wrong to this girl and don't think a post suggesting im putting my own feelings first is fair.

Well it’s obvious their nose has been pushed out of joint as they can see the money is going to stop or at least be tapered down as they’ll be another mouth to feed. This will be even worse if your child turns out to be female. That will be the ultimate threat to them I’m sure.

I have no suggestion aside from time. They’ll turn out okay I’m sure once they get a bit older and have their own families. This is very much a young adolescent mindset in my experience.