What do your children call other adults? Trying to walk the line between formality and respect...

[ValiumtheConqueror]

A friend referred to me as Aunty Valium the other day, and I had a real issue with it, which is pathetic really. The friend grew up, and continues to live, in a strongly religious community where such practice as referring to adults as Aunty and Uncle is normal. I understand and respect that, and am keen to foster some form of respect for their elders inmy children but feel Aunty/Uncle use is unfair to DDs actual aunties and uncles.

I grew up calling adults Mr and Mrs (apparently I used to ask "who is s/he to me?" as my mother always said "Mrs Bloggs to you!") but feel that it's too formal for my children.

Is Mrs Firstname too odd? What do your kids do???

I personally think that respect is a lot more to do with attitude and behaviour than what you actually call someone. My children call most adults (bar teachers) by their first name. I don't think they would treat these friends/acquaintances more respectfully if they were to call them Ms/Mrs/Mr or whatever.

I've thought about this, too. I use aunty/uncle for my close friends that they know and see a lot, and have their own relationship with, so they would actually speak to them quite regularly. A first name just seems so bald and grown up from a young child.

For more distant adults, they appear to have adopted 'Jessica's mummy...' as a form of address. Which is quite cute - they're 3 and 5.

Everyone gets called by their first names. Even actual aunties and uncles. I can't bear being called Auntie - sounds so frumpy

My DC call their nursery carers by their first names and they respect them perfectly well. I don't think young children even get the difference between Mrs/Mr/Aunty/Uncle/first name only.

Which is exactly what onepieceoflollipop said only she said it more succinctly

In my country it was always Auntie and Uncle when I was little; now it seems to be mainly first names. Here, dcs seem to alternate between Mrs and First Names. Have also been called MrsCoryDd. Have never told dcs what they are to say: they copy their friends.

DH keeps auntie and uncle for her real aunties and uncles, but I have no problm with it as such. Friend's children sometimes call us by auntie/uncle and it is fine.

Close family friends - DD uses their first name

Her school friends parents or nn close friends of ours - Mr and Mrs (surname) unless the adults tell her (or us) otherwise.

Most of DD's school friends originaly called me Mrs... but they know use my first name at my request.

Should read non close friends

DS's call Aunts and Uncles and God parents ' Aunty and Uncle'

All other grown up friends apart from teachers , doctors, vicars etc, by first name

Mostly mine use first names, as do most of their friends. I really hate being called "Xs mum".

That's really interesting. I do appreciate that respect is a lot to do with attitude but i didn't know if children should be using something other than sinply first names iyswim. I do feel that with more senior adults they should use a title of some kind but maybe that's because I had to use one when I was younger. We do turn into our mothers after all

I can't bear 'aunty' when I am not. Just first names. They cope fine. I have friends whose DCs call me by my first name at home and Mrs if I teach them in school. It is no problem, they understand the difference. Respect has nothing to do with the name.

My children call adults they know really well by their first names. Others are usually refered too as "x,Y,Z's mum/dad" by my younger dcs or Mrs/Miss/Mr by the older ones.

We do have quite a few friends of DH called "uncle/aunty" because the is what is culturally expected from the dcs to call them.

I remember calling old ladied "aunt X,Y,Z" myself when I was a child actually, in spite of being from a very different culture than DH's.

As a child I had 'aunty/uncle' for people at church or friends of my parents. Friends parents were Mr/Mrs unless they said call me 'first name'.

This is where English lacks a formal form of 'you'!

DD tends to call people Miss Kreecher or Mr Kreechershusband. I think this stems from being at school in Bangkok where teachers were called Miss Lisa/Angie etc. and the confusion at seeing them in the swimming pool at our flats where they lived.
She was ridiculously overjoyed when she could stop calling her school librarian with whom I am friends Mrs X and call her by her first name. She is 9.2

DS calls adults he knows by their first names, just like they call him by his first name.

Only teachers are different.

I agree with piscesmoon

My children call my friends by their first names. If I'm introducing them tosomeone who is of an older generation, I'll use Mr/Mrs unless specifically invited to use a first name. If they are meeting someone from DH's work they use Mr/Mrs.

We see a few people who they know if different contexts, for example one of their teachers from school does the children's liturgy at church, and when she introduces herself she says they it's ok for the children to use her first name in church, but it's still Mrs Whatever at school. I was quite surprised to hear that as I remember the frisson of finding out a teacher's first name, and I'm sure I could never have used it.

My boys call friends of mine as well as their own friends parents by their first name. However for our older neighbours, DH and I always refer to them as Mr. xxx and Mrs yyy etc because I want them to feel respected by my kids. I guess a rule of thumb is if they have grown up kids (older than 15 - which seems like adulthood to a pre-schooler) then I use Mr. and Mrs. unless the person introduces themselves to the boys with their first name.

The aunty and uncle thing is not a part of my culture so I'd never use that unless with friends that are so close they are essentially family (I have one set of adopted aunt/uncle who are family for all intents and purposes).

Full titles, eg Your Royal Highness, My Lord Nonsuch etc. It would be most frowned upon any other way.

I don't think it is a respect thing, myself, it just seems too grown up for my young children, who call me 'mummy' to call other adults by their first name.

So I prefer 'aunty/uncle' or even 'x's mummy'. But mine are very young, I guess it changes as they move through junior school.

First names, except my friends they have known since birth, which are Auntie/Uncle Firstname

Dh finds first names only rude, tbf culturally for him it is. So are children are exposed to a whole range of monikers for people, seem to show them the same level of respect and dont care what they call them as long as they know what to say.

They call the preschool teachers by first names, which surprised me tbh i can still remember my 4 nursery teachers 'Mrs xxxx' names now!

i think there has been a cultural shift as call centre operators seem to always call me by my first name, sometimes with and sometimes without asking.

I love Aunty and Uncle for adults. It's a term of respect in my father's culture (and partially mine). Even shopkeepers would be addressed in those terms by children. It gives a real sense of community and responsibility, and is the norm.

I've encouraged my children to use this address with my friends and my friends don't seem to mind. But i will think twice about it now.

Now you mention it Littleducks, they do that with me, but mainly because no-one can get my surname right. Plus, if someone asks, "can I call you Valium?" I don't know how to say "No, you may call me Mrs the Conqueror." without sounding pretentious. Although, given my pretentions........

I think the auntie/uncle thing is quite nice, its easier for the person concerned to say 'Oh its ok, you can just call me XXXX' if the say Auntie than to change it if the child has called them by their first name.

But then my kids are bilingual and tend to use the auntie/uncle equivalents for actual relatives.