Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

does anyone have any experience of a baby and a 12 year old sharing a room?

29 replies

curableromantic · 04/07/2010 19:55

Unexpectedly we have DN coming to live with us, permanently. We have a tiny two bed flat for DP, me and DS, 10 months.

We can't see any other option till we can move, in 10 months time.

We will be sleeping on a mattress in bedroom 2 / office.

Is this going to be a disaster? DS rarely sleeps through.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
mrsflux · 05/07/2010 16:54

Don't want to panic you but the kids at school who have to share with tiny ones are always tired and unhappy about the noisy babies.
Could you share wih DN?
Or have ds in with you?

Think pre teen girls are hard at the best of times

good luck and wish I could be more help!

TigerFeet · 05/07/2010 16:58

Perhaps you could get a sofa bed in your lounge and sleep on that for now?

Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 19:23

Hi there and thanks for your posts.

So no good news then! I'm really set against having our bed in the lounge because we will have nowhere to be be together as a family and also nowhere to bring DS when he wakes up at 6am. And this is a rented flat with a massive sofa which we would have to pay to store then buy a sofabed etc.

I don't think we could share with DN as he's 12 and although he knows us, we are not yet as close as we will be.

I do take your point about tiredness though. We're thinking of homeschooling for a year as we are in a part of london with v. bad schools and DN is vulnerable having lost both his parents etc. This would mean it would be a big deal if he needed to sleep in.

I spoke to DN today and he seems positive about his new room mate - it's going to be a difficult year I think.

DN is a boy btw.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 19:24

I meant it would NOT be a big deal if he needed to sleep in obviously...

OP posts:
SleepingLion · 05/07/2010 19:30

Is it not possible for you, your DH and your DS to have the larger room and your DN to have the smaller one? I think he would prefer less space and a room to himself than to share with a baby?

Weegle · 05/07/2010 19:33

The lad's lost both his parents? Oh the poor thing... I wish you so much goodwill over the next year or so because that's going to be tough even if you had more space.

Why can't you have your LO in with you so that DN gets his own room? Or a cot in the sitting room which you transfer your DS to when you go to bed if you want to keep your own room?

Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 19:44

There is an upstairs attic room which is set up as DP's office. We have just enough room to squeeze a mattress in for us to sleep on the floor, we'll have to keep a minimum of clothes and stuff up there. There is no room for DS's cot unfortunately.

DN will have the larger, nicer room. But we have to put DS's cot in it too.

Keeping the cot in the sitting room and transferring DS down when we go to bed is a possibility. It's just that we have a social life too, friends round etc. and I think that's something DN will enjoy too as he hasn't had much of a 'family' life for a while and loves grown-up company.

More than anything he needs our love and attention as we build a new family for him. He can stay in the sitting room with us all evening and do his homework at the table. I'd rather he didn't hide away in his bedroom because he'll just get on facebook and games etc. and I'm hoping to guide him towards more wholesome activities!

Weegie, thanks for your kind wishes. It's only a year then we can move to a bigger house. It's just unfortunate that we signed a lease for 12 months with no break and just can't get out. We've promised him a big room and a puppy when we move...

OP posts:
maria1665 · 05/07/2010 19:52

I have a 12 year old boy - they are odd and delicate, and changing all the time. They become obsessed with smells - their own and those they can spray on. They also become obsessed with their own pants - both whats inside them and also wearing them around the house, in what I can only think is a bizarre demonstration of masculinity. Its a really tricky age. It would be tough on him to share his only space in a new house in a strange situation - with anyone, much less a baby.

My baby girl is now two, and DS is lovely with her. But when we have been short of room due to tempory housing, baby comes in with us and DS has his own room.

Whatever you do, I hope things work themselves out. This must be tough on you as well, did you lose a sibling?

CarGirl · 05/07/2010 19:55

My only advice is that you treat it as DNs room and that your ds sleeps there only.

I actually used a travel cot to put the baby down for naps in another room so they could still use the room - would that work in bedroom 2 during the day?

itstimmytime · 05/07/2010 19:58

I've got two dd's aged 12 and almost 2. We did try them in the same room, but DD1 wasn't getting enough sleep (baby was a poor sleeper) and she was unhappy with the set up. Also, 12 is an age where I feel she needs her space and we don't mind having the wee one with us. It also means she can mooch about in her room and watch tv/msn on laptop/lie on bed contemplating how horrible and unfair her Mum is And the adults can have some adult time in the living room watching tv etc. Not a long term solution though!

I'm sure as time goes on, you'll work out what is best for your family unit. If the wee one sleeps well and nephew doesn't mind sharing with a baby, it might work out fine...

Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 19:58

thanks Maria. He is the son of my DP's sister. It has been a while since she, and the father died - DP's mum has been bringing him up but has run out of steam and he has been running a bit wild, refusing school etc. which is why we know we must take him now because in a year or so (when we're set up to take him) it may be too late.

We're not making him share a room because we're unwilling to make a sacrifice, btw, this really is the best we can do. We're all going to have a difficult year and hope we can just do lots of nice things together to make it work.

OP posts:
itstimmytime · 05/07/2010 20:00

X post Maria!

Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 20:02

I would love to have DS in with us, but it's an attic room with sloping roof and there is no way to put a cot in there. We can't have the rooms the other way round because DP has a technical set up at his desk which cannot be moved.

Timmytime, thanks, I'm hoping it can work in the short-term, as we'll all know it's not for long.

OP posts:
Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 20:05

Cargirl, I think DS deserves his space too. DN will need to be considerate towards him, I think that's an important lesson.

OP posts:
CarGirl · 05/07/2010 20:08

Can you put a room divide up and split it into 2 areas?

Difference for us is that the room shared is/was tiny tiny tiny and the eldest had had her own room for a long time and then had to start sharing and it was difficult, she felt very threatened by it all.

itstimmytime · 05/07/2010 20:12

Ah good luck. Families just need to muck in together at times like this.

TBH, babies will sleep anywhere and we just have toyboxes in the living room and a chest of drawers in our room for the wee one. We also have a changeing table with shelves in the bathroom where we store nappies, toiletries etc etc. It's always a mess, but we live with it and the wee one is the happiest wee girl ever completely unaffected by our unusual sleep set up!

itstimmytime · 05/07/2010 20:14

Not great for sex life tho!

Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 20:23

timmytime thanks! I'm hoping some kind of dunkirk spirit will set in and that it will ultimately make us closer.

Cargirl, it's a rented flat so we can't make any structural changes.

We only moved to this flat because DP's mum said we couldn't take DN. Before that we lived in house in a smaller city and I'd managed to persuade the council to give him a place at a brilliant school, primed the head teacher to help him etc...

OP posts:
CarGirl · 05/07/2010 20:25

I mean just get an office type dividng wall or a solid backed loft bed or something like that.

Original poster
curableromantic · 05/07/2010 20:53

oh, well yes we could think along those lines. DS does tend to peer over the sides of his cot and shout at passers-by so at least he could be out of sight. I wonder if 12 is too old for one of those high up beds with a desk underneath? It would give him a nice place to work and we could cover the back so it served as a divider?

OP posts:
CarGirl · 05/07/2010 21:02

Ask your DN for his input in what he things would work etc

MrsBadger · 05/07/2010 21:25

just thinking... could ds sleep on a cot mattress on the floor? or is he a rover?
we did this a few times on holiday with dd as she hated the travel cot

Original poster
curableromantic · 06/07/2010 07:20

MrsBadger, I think he would definitely roam and its the least babyproofed room with DP's desk and tools etc.

When I talk to DN about it he seems happy about sharing with the baby although of course it will be an issue. I think the prospect of a new family, new school and friends in a new area is so massive it seems like a detail.

I fretted about this all night!

OP posts:
cloudedyellow · 06/07/2010 18:33

It just might be comforting to him to share with a baby.
Often pre teen and teen boys can be wonderful with small children and your DS will probably adore his big cousin.
Good luck.

AnyFuleKno · 06/07/2010 18:42

Could you put a double size loft bed in one of the rooms for you and dh with cot underneath?

ikea does a couple