Tell me about advantages of having only boys

[toja555]

I am pregnant with No. 2 and it turns out to be another boy. My DS is 2 years 2 months and he is very, very rough boy ? constantly crying, unhappy, demanding, biting, pinching, physical etc. The only good things about him that he usually becomes shy (and behaves well) in public places, and sleeps through the night so I get a good rest.

To be honest, I am terrified of having another boy. If DS2 is going to be like DS1, I will become insane in no time. And I don?t see any advantages of having boys. They tend to grow more aggressive, remote, depending on addictions, finally they just leave to be with their wives and I will be alone again.

Tell me than I am being very wrong. Tell me that I shouldn?t feel sorry for myself that I am not having a girl (and I will never have, I generally want only two children and would not try in a bid to conceive a girl).

Absolutely no way of knowing what kind of boy your ds2 is going to turn into. My ds was a gentle caring but laidback toddler: I could have reared a dozen like him without noticing. But then I never did have time to notice because I was too busy dealing with his elder sister. Who did all the things you mention but also had spectacular tantrums in public places

There would be a fair chance that any dd you had conceived a) would be an expert tantrummer b)would leave you to be with her boyfriend.

I am a case in point. Drove my mother insane with my tantrums and obnoxiousness and finally emigrated: my biddable brothers otoh all live within Sunday dinner distance.

There: feel better now?

cory, a little bit better, thank you! I realise that children are different and the character does not always relate to gender. Maybe if I manage to "frame" my DS1 in to some appropriate behaviour, it would be easier not to feel sorry for myself?
cory, has your DD grown out of that bad character?

If it makes you feel any better, I have two girls. One is 5 and lovely and easy going, the other (who is 3) is a fricking nightmare tbh. Given to being a drama queen and making a fuss about everything. (But very affectionate and loving.) So you could have had a girl like my second dd and had to put up with constant refusal to co-operate, histrionics etc.

your DS1 sounds a bit out of the ordinary (I have 3 boys and none have been as bad as that - although they all have/had moments like that).

I think maybe you need to try and get to the bottom of why he is not happy (not easy with a 2 year old).

Your second child (be it boy or girl) would not necessarily be a clone of the first. Your second boy could be angelic (and a girl could equally have been a nightmare).

As for when they grow up - many men I know are very close to their mums, are not and never have been remote, agressive, etc. Maybe you need to try and redefine your view of men (seeing as you are going to have two to bring up). You seem to have only negative expectations which can't be a good place to start.

Be kind to yourself, and try and get some help to refocus.

I have two dss.

When I found out ds2 was a boy, I was upset because ds1 had been -and still is, frankly- hard work. Somehow I thought girls were easier.

But ds2 is such an easy boy to have around. He has his tantrums occasionally (well he is 2) but mostly is easygoing, happy to amuse himself, cheerful, interested in things, helpful and happy. He's so different from ds1 in character.

So really it depends on character, not gender, I think.

Plus I'll never have to do what my friend does- umpteen hairdos/costume changes/rehearsals/performances of concerts/dancing shows/plays. That's a BIG upside for me.

Your ds sounds nothing like my two. They are very boyish but also loving and very kind. Perhaps it's just a phase your ds is going through. You can't dismiss a entire gender based on the actions of one toddler.

The only good things about him that he usually becomes shy (and behaves well) in public places, and sleeps through the night so I get a good rest.

God that's such a sad, sad thing to read, both for you and your wee boy. It isnt a 'boy' thing to behave like that. Some kids are just like it, boy or girl but some kids are like it because there's something upsetting them. What is his speech like? Can he hear ok? Is he otherwise relatively sociable? Dont just accept this as being normal, life cant be much fuun for you but it must be hell for him sometimes, he's only a baby.

throckenholt, I suspect that the clinginess of my DS1 could be from birth trauma, as he was born with assisted delivery (well, physically he's fit). He cried a lot from birth and was never easy to settle. In my opinion, he is an ordinary boy with clingy character, which makes him double worse.

I probably need to refocus on how men can be.. I am afraid the concept "one good another bad" when comparing two boys (even girls), and DS1 is definitely going to be a "bad boy" as I can't imagine any worse.

My ds is 2.10 and very gentle and sweet. Loads of energy, bouncing around and excitable but lovely happy boy to be around (usually!). Sleeps brilliantly, eats well, talks a lot. Lovely!

I wouldn't expect a child to be hitting, pinching etc, not acceptable behaviour whether boys or girls. I know that some do it but you really need to address it before the baby arrives.

You will probably find that your ds2 is polar oposite to ds1.

I have two boys,born 2 years apart and they are very different characters, but they do get on beautifully (for the most part).

It is far cheaper with clothes and toys as well

waitingforbedtime, God that's such a sad, sad thing to read, both for you and your wee boy. It isnt a 'boy' thing to behave like that. Some kids are just like it, boy or girl but some kids are like it because there's something upsetting them. What is his speech like? Can he hear ok? Is he otherwise relatively sociable? Dont just accept this as being normal, life cant be much fuun for you but it must be hell for him sometimes, he's only a baby.

maybe I exaggerated here, my DS has his good moments, so not always bad, but he can turn a monster from seemingly nothing. Example from yesterday: we coming home from childminder, he refuses to takes his shoes, ok I leave him with shoes, then starts crying and following me and asking to take his shoes off, then I take them off, then he refuses to put his slippers on, then I go away and he throws a tantrum screaming slippers! slippers! when I come to put them on, he refuses again, all followed by big scream. Then I sit down on a chair, asking ?so what?s the problem now?? he comes and bites me, just like that, and I am still not sure what he wants. Everything ends with a punishment (naughty step) and more of cry, everyone?s upset. Such things happen constantly.

Maybe my mistake that I associate the character with the gender. DS is fine physically, can express himself in two languages (we are bilingual family), it is just this constant refusal and screaming and sometimes aggresiveness drives me insane sometimes.

What you just described about the shoes is 2 year old thing not a boy thing!

I have DDs and DSs but honestly haven't enjoyed one sex over the other and my DDs are as much a handful as the boys, esp my teenager!! 2 of the same gender is fab as they will probably be really close to each other (I had 2 DDs then 2 DSs (and another DS now!) and they played really well). Also, it is not true that grown men clear off in all cases, I know several families where the man is very close to their mum and the daughter has cleared off miles away very independantly. You are not missing out with just having boys, all babies/children are a blessing!!

I have three boys and love it! Yes they're always wrestling and play fighting, but the amount of cuddles I get is lovely. There is a 2 year gap between my first two and they get on great.

PlodTheToastie, but in that way he has so frequent tantrums that you would wonder if he enjoys life at all.

toja555, he is 2. He will have tantrums, be obstinate, challenge what you ask of him. This is all very normal, not exclusively 'bad boy' behaviour. And I agree about the biting - not great and needs to be addressed, but by no means a 'boy' trait. I have 3 (8,5 &3) and none of them have bitten anyone....

Rubyrubyruby - re shoes, my youngest 2 are always taking my shoes and walking around in them or playing shoe shops

We're trying for our second (ds has just turned one) and I'm really hoping for another boy! ds hasn't been the best sleeper and was an angsty newborn but very sociable now and I'm hoping he and new baby will entertain each other in a few years. Plus they have to share a room and I already have a ton of boys stuff.

(And I have THE FEAR of having a teenage girl like I was!! Shocking!!!)

You never know, a new dc (boy or girl) might alter your ds1's behaviour for the better, if he feels an important part of it and he'll be that much older then too.

it is so sad to read the way you talk about your boy. I think you need to try really hard to step back a bit and try and work out which bits are normal 2 year old "I need to control my world" stuff and what might be more than that - something more that you are going to need help with to work through.

For instance my DS1 is now 8 - at 2 he was a biter - he used to sink his teeth in for seemingly no reason (obviously he had a reason but not one that he could explain or made any sense to us). He didn't do it often - but often enough ! He also could tantrum for 1/2 an hour or more and not get distracted by anything we did. He pretty much grew out of it (he still tantrums now and again - but most 8 year olds do). He pretty much grew out of it by about 3.5 at the latest - and is a lovely sunny boy now.

I am not sure at just 2 that naughty steps and time out are something that means anything much - they have to be older to get that I think.

Maybe start some other threads on advice on how to deal with how he is now - and try and believe that it won't always be like that, and it won't necessarily be like that with DS2 (my DS2 & 3 have never been in the same league as DS1 on the tantrum front, and only rarely bit).

What I know, he is the same energetic as other boys I know, but much clingier and unhappier than other boys I know. In fact, I am the only one I know who has problems with aggressivenes and with such unreasonably unhappy behaviour.
My boy is allowed to play with shoes, I can distinguish where is a game and where is a never-ending-tantrum, unfortunately that's is very different.

Children - and adults for that matter - are INDIVIDUALS.

You get different personalities and attributes within both genders, and there's no way of telling at this stage how you Ds2 will turn out, or what your DS1 will be like in 10 years time/

It saddens me so much when 'negative' personality traits are blamed on the fact that the child is a boy - there are many many girls around with these traits too.

Try not to project your preconceived ideas onto your DS2 - my two boys are chalk and cheese and were from the minute they were born. They're both wonderful in their own way but are very very different.

Good stuff about having boys? Their clothes are cheaper, as a rule, plus you can hand everything down. You won't have to worry about your young DS being influenced by Lelli Kellies Your DS's will never come home and tell you they're pregnant.

Seriously, every child is an individual. My eldest DS is a joy, a real happy, easy going chap. My youngest was born with a chip on his shoulder. They are both loving, kind, thoughtful boys, but very different at the same time. I know lots of gentle, loving boys and lots of aggressive, difficult girls.

Oh, and I actually love being the only girl in our house. I get spoiled rotten

trockenholt, that is a very very calming word from your side, thanks very much for that! (about describing your DS1 and that this stopped after a while). My DS seems something like that just maybe aa bit more of it. Naughty steps are done by my childminder (she is experienced) and I am trying to follow the same discipline. I am not sure either if it is the best thing as he can sit on the step and say sorry and 5 mins on bite again.
Will have to look to other disciplining options...

It would be ideal if DS2 could alter DS1 behaviour for good.. it would me my dream infact!

My angellic DS1 (9) was a little sod as a 2 year old. I once had a soft play worker comment that he'd be an assassin when he grew up. To be fair, he was trying to drown another child in the ball pit at the time. He is now the most caring, sensitive lad imaginable. Two year olds are not real people yet, IMO, they are just overgrown Ids.

biting is an expression of frustration. Maybe try giving him a bit more control over things - eg a choice of two things (but no more than that) rather than you telling him.

Google why do toddlers bite - you will see you are far from alone - lots of them do it. You might find some things that work for you. There are lots of suggestions - some you might go with - others you can ignore.

Have faith - it feels like it will go on forever at the time - but now it is almost so long ago with mine I can hardly remember what it was like. He will come out the other side