Tell me about advantages of having only boys

[toja555]

I am pregnant with No. 2 and it turns out to be another boy. My DS is 2 years 2 months and he is very, very rough boy ? constantly crying, unhappy, demanding, biting, pinching, physical etc. The only good things about him that he usually becomes shy (and behaves well) in public places, and sleeps through the night so I get a good rest.

To be honest, I am terrified of having another boy. If DS2 is going to be like DS1, I will become insane in no time. And I don?t see any advantages of having boys. They tend to grow more aggressive, remote, depending on addictions, finally they just leave to be with their wives and I will be alone again.

Tell me than I am being very wrong. Tell me that I shouldn?t feel sorry for myself that I am not having a girl (and I will never have, I generally want only two children and would not try in a bid to conceive a girl).

Small children turn in to proper human beings at around 4, IME.

We have 4 DS - girls are from another planet....

Makes buying toys / passing down clothes / bikes etc etc so much easier and they do play together despite the age gaps.

Have friends that have one of each and we find they don't tend to play together and go off an doi their own thing.

The age gaps are quite big too - DS1 is 18 this month and DS4 just past 5.

I have DS1, DS2, and DD. I'd say boys are easier. With a boy, what you see is what you get, whether they're angry, happy, or sad.

With girls (or rather with mine) you get the emotional manipulation. Age 2 she was practising her expressions for different emotions: "This is my happy face. This is my angry face."

She would wind up her brothers: "I've got new slippers and you haven't". They hadn't cared up to that point.

With boys you can have a rational discussion about things. With DD you have this conversation:

"DD, you really need to practise your trumpet more if you want to pass your exam."

"What, you think I'm not going to pass?"

"No, but you'd get a better mark if you practise."

"You think I'm rubbish don't you." (shouted)

"That isn't what I said."

"Yes it is. You think I'm rubbish and I'm going to fail my exam." (Now in tears, slams door, stomps upstairs so hard the windows rattle, and can hear a positive storm of weeping from bedroom).

You just don't get that with a boy!

I don't know if it's about advantages of having only boys or only girls or a mix.

They're all different and personally, I don't think all those differences are down to gender.

Some girls are tricky. Some boys are easy and vice versa.

I think that labelling only girls as emotionally manipulative and boys as aggressive is really daft and actually meaningless.

"They just leave to be with their wives and I'll be alone again"

Sorry but that's just a weird sentiment. Are you having children to keep you company in your old age?

Got 1 x girl & 2 x boy.

Boys cheaper & so level headed.

Plus you can recycle clothes & toys so much cheaper than having different sexes.

And my two boys are best mates and keep each other entertained for hours with footie etc.

I'd agree boys are more straightforward and far less manipulative. OP they aren't remote or anything as they grow up - all our boys love to give hugs and want to be involved - DW has to contend with the two eldest that are taller and often just pick her up to show they still care!!

Boys need good guidlines, follow through on any 'threats' i.e. there are consequnces and really do it!! A few times in the past we've missed playdates or watching say a certain programme if they have not behaved. Do see some parents that say if you don't something then you won't get X or Y but then just give in. You need to be strong and any parents / grandparents / carers should all have a similar approach and consistency in backing up any poor behaviour.

Chicken, what if your DS came home and said his girlfriend was pregnant? Would that not matter?

Yes, of course. I was being humourous in my first paragraph.

I think often people treat boys differently from girls - the expectations are different. They expect boys to be tough and strong and call them a cry baby if they cry when they get hurt, but would hug a girl in the same situation.

In my experience little boys are often much more insecure and vulnerable than girls and need careful handling and lots of hugs - especially in the toddler years.

I have 2 DSs and I wanted that! I meant as in once I had DS1, I wanted DS2 as I wanted them to have each other and be close growing up. My DH and I both have different gender siblings and never felt very close to them and always envious of same-sex siblings!

DS1 can be a right PITA. Grumpy from birth, cried the first 6 months of his life and now, at 2.5, he still has moods. He also is the cheekiest boy and can be the sweetest thing ever. Overall, I can see that his personality is going to be such an asset when he grows up (one of my friends said to me that he can so see that DS1 is going to be Mr Popular in school but I said yes, with lots of detention too! ). He said 'I love DS2' this morning with no prompting!

Everyone told me my second will be different and a lot more chilled out and I was so terrified I will have another DS1! They were right, DS2 is so laidback that a friend of mine said 'if he was any more laidbaid, he wouldn't be breathing!' LOL. He is also the smiliest baby alive. And just so, so sweet. However, at 8 months old, he is also showing a real temper when he doesn't get what he wants. I think it's great I have ended up with two boys who are chalk and cheese.

I read somewhere that you have the children you are meant to have and they are so right. My two boys have made my family complete, wouldn't swap them for the world!

I think you're right about treating genders differently, Throcken.

I was guilty of that until I realised dd is actually much tougher than ds1 who can really be a wet blanket needy drama queen kid a lot of the time.

Oh guys! I will not be able to thank personally to each of you, but I am so glad I have started this thread. I am, at the moment, a frustrated mummy, and this gives me a hope that it is not going to last forever and DS2 will not necessarily be DS1. It makes me feel less sorry for myself. Hopefully, I will grow together with my DS1 to be a happier, content person than we are now..

You are also saying goodbye to your fantasy daughter - to the what might have been. And dealing with pregnancy hormones too. All that with a demanding 2 year old (your first so that much harder too).

It will genuinely get better, as you and he find ways to cope. Try not to let him get overtired - that is often when the worst tantrums strike to. And that is when you are probably tired and impatient too and don't cope with it brilliantly.

Have you talked to him about "his" new baby ? - get him involved and excited about a new person coming into his life later this year - talk about him being the big brother and able to show his little brother how to do things. It might help to help him feel as if he has some control of his world.

toja555 throckenholt is right, you are also mourning the daughter you will never have. I love my 2 boys and I do not want another and have no desire for a girl either... BTW, I think your relationship with your mother affects how you feel about having a girl. I wasn't close to my mother, our personalities clash but I do love her. However, I strongly believe that my lack of desire for a girl has to do with the fact that I just don't have a mother-daughter relationship I feel I want to replicate iykwim. BUT there are moments where I wonder what my daughter would look like. She would have been stunning as both my boys are gorgeous (DS2 especially with his big eyes and long lashes!) but I am completely aware that having beautiful children is not the reason to have them!

You have to see the positives too. Yes, I'm very aware that my boys will get married and leave me so mentally, I'm already seeing a future without my boys and trying to embrace that i.e. my DH turns 50 the year DS2 turns 21 so we are planning a round-the-world trip! Ha ha.

I also can't wait till DH can take the boys to football so I can have the whole afternoon to myself to shop and spa! And I was an awful teenager and boys just seem to go through their teens with a lot less angst, I questioned my DH as to whether he had any 'angst' as a teen boy and he said no, he just went down to the pub and did underage drinking!

And no pink shite!

I remember what I was like as a teen so although any gender would be happily appreciated, I am happy to be having two boys. One is 3yo and due DS2 next week. Plenty advantages of having two the same gender and as others have said, they are individuals regardless of gender. Chances are the second is going to be different from your first-born.

I was in despair with my DS1 when he was 2 and 3 - he was not agressive as you describe yours but so needy and full on. I went on to have a second boy too. DS1 turned into an absolute angel aged 4, whil DS2 was an angel up to age 3 and now is the devil!!! I think it is just an age thing and I am holding out for a change in DS2 age 4!!!! I really don't think it is a gender thing, every child is different but you will love them whatever!