How different are boys and girls?

[ContentedVanilla]

Lots of people want to argue that men and women are the same and that any differences are due to the way they are brought up.

So my question is, what differences have you noticed if you have male and female children, which you don't think are down to your parenting?

Anyone who thinks that girls and boys are the same from birth and that all differences are due to their upbringing needs their head examining. Girls and boys are clearly different.
My two DCs are still only small (1 and 3) but the differences are clear.

DS does everyone in a rougher, more boyish manner. He is less tidy than DD, especially when eating. He gets food EVERYWHERE in a way that DD never did.

DD loves drawing, colouring, dolls etc. DS loves balls, wheels, cars and things that move.

DS tends to like noisy games more than DD ever did.

DD follows rules and checks everything with me. DS doesn't care and does whatever he feels like.

DD is much more independent and driven than DS, but that's not so much a gender difference as a personality trait.

On the other hand, many things are the same;
DS loves cooking and trying on his sister's hair clips, carrying her handbags etc.

It'll be interesting to read what other people have to say on this topic.

Have to disagree with RuthChan, you are discribing your child's personalities, they are different, no doubt, but not definitely because they are different sex.

My ds is 3 and is very gentle, not messy and growing up to hate rough and tumble of typical boys play.

Alternatively, I know my friend's sister has a DD who is absolutely the oposite of ds, very pushy, very loud, into football, climbing trees, always messy.

IMO it's more to do with their personality and what little boys and girls are encouraged to do not what they are born with.

RuthChan - you could be describing the differences between my 2 and they are both boys!

However, boys are (I think) more boisterous and enjoy rough and tumble more from a very early age.

When DS1 was 4 months he had one of those door bouncer things. My antenatal group came round with their babies and all (the mums) wanted to try it. Without exception the boys loved it and the girls seemed scared by it.

2 older girls, cautious, sensible, love drawing, creating, princesses etc - typical (!) girls. ds (19 months) mayhem - if he can kick it or throw it he will, if he can climb it, jump off it, run into it, pull it, push it he's your boy. I know some of it is age related, but testosterone has to have something to answer for!

Exactly Traintastic

How can any parent say that their DS is like this because he is a boy and their DD is like that because she is a girl.

It could well just be down to those individual children being that way - either genetically or from upbringing - but not because of their gender.

Different/Not different at all**Delete as applicable according to child.

I recommend Pink Brain, Blue Brain on this -- it's very interesting reading.

I have a dd (she adored her door bouncer and used to bounce off the doorframe with noisy happiness).

She is messy, loud, boisterous, likes digging and worms and tractors and dinosaurs and trains. She's always grubbing about on the floor or climbing things just to jump off them. She has dirty, scabbed knees and is very physical.

All that is her personality.

For the first years there is no difference at all. You do treat them differently though, even if you don't know it. For example there is an experiment where a baby was handed to a group of people and they were told it was a little girl (dressed as such). They described her as beautiful, delicate, small, fragile etc as they handed her around. Same baby was later given to the same group but as a 'boy'. He was strong, bold, feisty, big etc. It's just so ingrained.

Problem is, I have only have one of each, which is hardly a large enough statistical sample.

Both mine were extremely messy, so no difference there.

Dd loved Thomas the Tank Engine: ds got bored at once. Ds more interested in drawing, but dd more into acting.

Ds more biddable, and more into rules. Also far more sensitive. When hearing stories, dd used to be scared by ghosts, ds was upset by people getting their feelings hurt (dd totally callous on this score).

Okay I have one of each (almost 2 and alomst 4). They're even the same star sign!

Both are very similar in almost every way. The only diffence would be that DS is more 'neurotic' but I would put that down to being the oldest rather than his sex. In fact, I find it weird how similar they are.

boys like action men and girls like barbie

My big brother was far more sensitive than me as a child (still is, in his fifties) and rather a quiet, sedentary child. He was the one who was constantly telling our parents to stop me climbing this and swimming that, because it was dangerous (our parents ignored him). He was the one who had to have passages marked in story books because they upset him whilst I (nearly 5 years younger) was far far tougher. I never had any barbies and never wanted any, so can't comment on that. He is still far more house proud than me. He was very anxious to obey rules, I was constantly questioning and challenging and refusing to cooperate.

I salute my parents for just going with the flow and letting us be who we were. But then again, they may just have been worn out.

I have one of each and I'm not a girly girl AT ALL.. nor is my Dh a macho type.. we've always bought lots of trains, planes and automobiles for both and encouraged my DS to play with his sister's dolls, buggy etc, which he loves.

But they are different. My DD is sensitive, imaginative, loves reading, drawing etc and is quite happy to be in her own little world.

DS is just so much more physical!

And my DD has never related to tractors and diggers like he has..

I consider myself very open minded and tolerant on issues like this, but surely, surely, hormones can and do make a difference..

I have two girls and a boy - DD1 has all the supposed "boy" characteristics whereas DD2 and DS are so similar its uncanny. Its personality all the way for me!

My sister and I are about as different as you can get - I think if you have boys and girls, you may ascribe differences in behaviour to sex, which may be not the case at all. The trouble is, it's nigh on impossible to be objective about boys/girls or men/women unless you do some sort of complex anonymised study.

i'm only on dc 1 but our nct group was 50/50 boys and girls, without exception the boys have rolled over, crawled, stood and walked before any of the girls, where as the girls all clapped and waved and are starting to talk now beefore the boys.

a small sample admittedly but marked differences we have all noticed

I found the language development/ physical prowess question too.. with either one being several months, ahead in their area of skill..

Ah! Rogue comma.. sorry

I'm not surprised that people attacked me for saying that I believe there are gender differences.
The fact is that everyone is influenced by their gender, upbringing, personality, DNA, environment and many other factors. It is impossible to tell which factors influence us to what degree and as such there is no real answer to the original question.

It is well documented that there are many differences between males and females, for example men are more mathematical and have better spacial reasoning, while women are more sociable and more nurturing. Of course these differences are harder to pin down in small children.

PlasticCenturion: Yes, I am familiar with that experiment.

There have also been several documented cases of boys born without fully-formed genitalia, who have been raised as girls, either as an accident or as a decision taken by the family, with or without the child knowing the truth.
In many of these cases, the child, even if unaware of being genetically male has expressed unease, discomfort and insecurity about being a girl. Somehow they felt different.

It's difficult to pin down when the differences between girls and boys first appear, but I believe they are, to some extent, hard-wired from birth.

All I have to say on this topic is don;t listen to anyone who has one son and one daughter. Answers are usually very skewed. Ask someone with at least two of each. Even better, ask someone with four or five of each.

I agree with pointydog.

Gender is one influence - personality, birth order are also important, as Traintastic says

I have 2 boys and they are very very different. As different as some people describe their DDs and DSs. So what I might have put down to gender, I can't IYSWIM

Yes, I completely agree.
It's impossible to really know.
People do need lots and lots of children to really know and very few people have such big families these days.

I have 3 boys and 6 girls and ime it is definitely not as straightforward as "boys are this" and "girls are that".
And for us there were more differences due to personality than gender when they were younger.

RuthChan: a lot of that well documented evidence comes from quite flawed studies, and lots of studies that say the opposite don't make it to the media.

juule - that is as good a sample as we are going to get on this thread, I think