Just how do you put a baby and a toddler to bed on your own?

[HeadFairy]

Dh rarely makes it home in time to help me at bedtime and I'm struggling to get the bedtimes right at the moment. DD is 5.5 months and ds is 2.9 and currently I bath them together at about 6.15 and when they're dry and dressed we go downstairs to have milk, ds has a cup of milk while watching the end of cbeebies, and I bf dd. If I'm lucky she falls asleep and I take her upstairs and put her in her cot then take ds up to bed and read him a couple of bedtime stories.

However increasingly dd isn't falling asleep during her last feed, and she's shockingly bad at self settling. If I put her in her cot she screams blue murder and I end up running between her room and ds's, reading him a couple of pages of his book then dashing back to her to shhh and hold her hand for a minute until she calms down again.

Should I change the bedtime routine, or is there a genius way of getting her to self settle? I can't leave ds on his own for ages while I try and settle dd, but if I take her in to his room and lie her on his bed to read them both stories she just screams her head off too. I can't put ds to bed first because I can't leave dd on her own. Argh, I just can't get my head round how to do it!!!

Can you take them both into your bed with you and read the elder one a story whilst you feed the baby then put older one to bed and then settle the baby i that makes sense

mavis, that's what i would do. DP always home for bed times but I am OBSESSED with asking mums who do the whole bed time thing solo how they do it. Seems everyone has different way of managing.

We had a rough patch at the when my 2 were about the same age. I muddled through for a while, some yelling from DD while I did DS's story (he always goes to sleep after story) then I would sort her out. Sometimes I was able to hold DD and she would be quiet while I did DS's story, it was a juggling act at that age. (Because obviously it's dead easy now )

I always used to snuggle beside the older child with the baby attached to the boob, book balanced in the hand under babe's head.
Never did the self-settling thing - takes too much input and causes stress all round IMO. I'd rather everyone went off to sleep peacefully.
The most difficult time was when there were three - the oldest always got the short straw and sometimes fell asleep while waiting for his story .

My kids are the same ages and I'm on my own each night too.

I do bath them together then I take them into the baby's bedroom to dress them both for bed - then into our bedroom and put TV on whilst I bottle feed the baby.

Once the baby is fed I put him in his room then come back and do toddlers teeth and settle her in her room. There have been times when the baby hasn't settled so I just try and finish off the toddler and go back in to the baby. You have my sympathy!

Agree you need to settle the older one first. When mine were really small babies and wanted to feed all evening I would bring them back downstairs once the older ones were settled - at least I could watch tv fir a bit then while BFing

I used to put the baby in his cot, do the story with the oldest and then settle the baby. baby would sometimes be screaming, sometimes not. it all worked out and got a lot easier at some point, but couldnt tell you when. Now they just run aaround and try to whip each other with towels after baths. which is VERY annoying

Headfairy I've really struggled with this too. In the end we've settled for dd1 (3) playing in her room whilst I feed and settle dd2 (6 months), and then I go in to read dd1 her story. She has got much better at amusing herself over time since dd2's arrival. Another mum I know settles the eldest in front of a DVD whilst feeding and putting down the baby.

After bath time I used to sit on a bed with both. Feeding baby on one side whilst reading with ds1 on the other side.

I'd then put ds 1 into bed, give him a kiss and tell him to wait whilst I put a sleeping ds2 into his cot.

Then I'd have to commando crawl out of ds2 bedroom to go back to ds1 where I'd potter around putting things away till he nodded off.

17 month gap between them and a dh out from 5.30 am till 8-9 5 days a week.

Looking back it feels like good memories but it is relentless at the time.

It's a tough phase and I remember it all too well. I would read dc1 a story and then try and settle the baby. My second was a very very difficult baby and it made bedtimes pretty fraught. I would breastfeed while reading to the older child, but it wasn't ideal. It does get much easier though, I now settle the youngest one first, about an hour before the elder, and it's so nice to be able to have a proper bedtime routine now we've cracked it (two years down the line I should add )

This is what I did: bathed them together, watch tv with milk while breastfeeding ds, when ds calm and sleepy put ds to bed - at which point he would almost certainly start grizzling. Then I used to tell myself that whatever happened dd would have a story with me - I would spend 15 minutes reading to her and settling her (leaving ds to get on with it safe in the knowledge he was fed, clean etc) if he was still crying after settling dd I'd go back and resettle him. After a very short time he started to settle himself - please note I was someone who normally found it impossible to leave my babies to cry, in this case I was absolutely determined that dd wouldn't have her nose pushed out by my fretting over her brother. Good luck - and just wanted to add although it feels like very hard work at the moment (and it is) very soon they'll both be having the same bedtime story together and you''ll look back on this time (rather as i am now) and wonder where the time went!

DS1 is 2.4 and DS2 is 7.5 months and usually I'm on my own. DH seldom makes it home on time to put the boys to bed. Usually, I bathe them both. Nappies on in the bathroom, got to living room to get dressed. Cbeebies come on, I give DS2 his bottle. Usually drowsy once he has his bottle, I go upstairs to put DS2 to sleep. (I agree that in theory, it makes more sense to put DS1 to sleep first but I find that DS2 is usually more tired by this stage while DS1 is not that tired iykwim) Once DS2 goes to sleep, I come down and take DS1 to his room for his milk and bedtime story. If DS2 wakes and needs re-settling, it might be a very short bedtime story! Of course there are days like today where DS1 was bring a right pain (he gave DS2 a little shove and DS2 fell over and banged his head) and so was sent to bed early so he was in bed before DS2!

Mavis, I used to do that when dd was first born because ds refused to fall asleep in his own bed, I'd feed her while chatting to ds and then take her downstairs (asleep) leaving him to fall asleep on our bed (then carry him to his room when he was asleep) but I wanted to get him used to falling asleep in his own bed, so I stopped that when we bought his new big boys' bed. He's really happy going to bed in there so I'm loathe to take him back in to our bed because I really don't want him to go back to wanting to fall asleep in there, esp as dd is in there in the evenings now.

I guess I have to accept that there will be some days when there's a lot of screaming. Leaving ds to play in his room while I settle dd just won't work because he just follows me in to my room when I go there to feed her.

In an odd way, it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this and that a bit of bed time yelling goes on in a lot of homes. I just thought it was me not being able to work out the right way of doing it. I do hate leaving her to scream. She gets so worked up, I end up running from room to room! I can't wait until she's old enough to join in bedtime stories and I can do them together!

P.S. It gets easier! Only in the last few weeks is DS2 what I would call 'easy to settle'! I remember having a rather tricky phase with DS2 at 5-6 months when he took numerous attempts at re-settling before finally dropping off, no idea why!

Thanks so much for the reassurances that it will get better everyone. I guess it's just a case of gritting my teeth and getting on with it and hoping this phase is over soon! Another problem with dd is she's really windy and I think sometimes in my hurry to get her in to bed I put her down insufficiently winded, which probably wakes her up.

Poor ds is very patient with me. He kind of gives me a look when we hear her wail from her room and I say "I'm just going to pop her dummy back in" that says don't worry mum, I'll be here when you get back.

put child 1# to bed. Then child 2#. don't try to do more than one at the same time! this way it gets finished.

then if the baby yells after this point, its up to you if you are going to to get up for them (or if you are going to enjoy booze/tv/tea)

Headfairy I have 21 month old DD and 11 week old DD so read this with interest. DP works shifts so is occasionally not there. DD2 feeds constantly in the evening until about 9pm and wakes everytime you put her down before then so its really difficult to settle DD1.

I bath them, get dressed, DD1 gets bottle and 15 mins of cbeebies or a story while I feed DD2. Then take them both to DD1's room and tell her a story with DD2 in my arms, was a nightmare to start with as DD1 got quite jealous but I made sure that as long as DD2 was happy then I'd put her in bouncer in the room while I settled DD1. Its getting easier now, but still quite stressful.

I'm putting them both in the same room when DD2 is 6 months so hopefully this will make things a lot easier.

Can you do DDs feed on a chair in Ds's room whilst DS gets settled?

It's so hard isn't it??

Lola, I wish we had room in ds's room for a chair, he's only got a weeny bedroom. I have my lovely rocking chair in the living room. I used to feed ds to sleep in that when we were in our old house as it was in his bedroom, and I'd gladly do that now, but sadly no can do.

EnglandAllanPoe, that's pretty much what I am doing, but I did wonder if there was a way to do it avoiding all the screaming which leaves me with tattered nerves and dd with God knows what awful traumatised brain! (I'm only ever so slightly joking about that last bit ) I think I'm starting to discover the answer is no.

And of course the next question is how on earth are you supposed to eat an evening meal before 9pm??? Dh can't boil water so I can't get him to do anything on that front while I'm upstairs doing the endless bedtime to-ing and fro-ing.

Headfairy, I have a cheek suggesting a chair, I have a cushion in DD's room at the moment that I sit on, not much room there either, enough for the cotbed, bouncer and me on the floor!

If only I could get round to clearing out all the boxes/clothes etc from spare room to move the girls in there. I'm saying when DD2 is 6 months, it'll be more like a year by the time we get round to it!

Funnily enough, this is the part of the day I find easier if DH is NOT around - I think because DS1 knows what the routine is...
So here's what I do:

Collect DS1 (3.2 yrs) from nursery, he has drink and snack in car on the way home, home by 6.15
DS1 has shower - everything has been much quicker since he learned how to do this! - whilst I get DS2 (5 mths) ready for bed
Downstairs to watch TV whilst I BF DS2
Bed time for DS by 7.20/7.30, depending on when his programmes end. He normally has a token moan about wanting to wait for Daddy...
Put DS2 into cot whilst DS1 gets into bed; here's the magic bit: he loves listening to stories on CD! OK, I know I am not reading to him, but he still gets a story, and he thinks it's special to go to sleep listening to Harry & the Dinosaurs
Take DS2 back downstairs to finish feeding him/settle him, then he is in his cot by 8pm

If DH gets home before DS1 is actually asleep, then he will read him a couple of stories

On super good nights, DH comes home to find me with glass of wine in hand and on the laptop something educational on TV!

Oh passmethekleenex, that is just genius

HA HA - you probably don't even need that many, we've had Harry for about 99 out of 100 nights. Keep the freebies you sometimes get with newspapers - Horrid Henry is waiting in the wings - or ask for books + CDs for any forthcoming birthday presents.

I did the same as WhatsWrongWithYou -- snuggled together in the older child's bed until sleep, then settled the baby afterwards. I never did evening tv. I also got them to bed when they were small at a later time than general UK practice from what I see on these threads.

I didn't do nighttime baths as they were too much work for me, pressure regarding time to get out, and trouble to clean up the bathroom afterwards, and they really wound the DCs up. I washed them in the mornings if at all. They definitely didn't get a bath every day.

Passmethekleenex - it is genius because if I have to read the Tiger Who Came To Tea one more time I think I might explode, and there's a flipping cd right there in the back of the book!!!`

mathanxiety - they both love their baths, that's actually the fun part. I daren't try and get in to ds's bed, he's got one of those cabin beds and I'd be terrified of collapsing it (dh put it together and he's not the - ahem - best at DIY!)