Just how do you put a baby and a toddler to bed on your own?

[HeadFairy]

Dh rarely makes it home in time to help me at bedtime and I'm struggling to get the bedtimes right at the moment. DD is 5.5 months and ds is 2.9 and currently I bath them together at about 6.15 and when they're dry and dressed we go downstairs to have milk, ds has a cup of milk while watching the end of cbeebies, and I bf dd. If I'm lucky she falls asleep and I take her upstairs and put her in her cot then take ds up to bed and read him a couple of bedtime stories.

However increasingly dd isn't falling asleep during her last feed, and she's shockingly bad at self settling. If I put her in her cot she screams blue murder and I end up running between her room and ds's, reading him a couple of pages of his book then dashing back to her to shhh and hold her hand for a minute until she calms down again.

Should I change the bedtime routine, or is there a genius way of getting her to self settle? I can't leave ds on his own for ages while I try and settle dd, but if I take her in to his room and lie her on his bed to read them both stories she just screams her head off too. I can't put ds to bed first because I can't leave dd on her own. Argh, I just can't get my head round how to do it!!!

[NellyTheElephant]

It's so tough isn't it, but it really does get better (although not much, I still find the bed time hour absolutely exhausting though!!). My DCs are now 5, 3 & 1. With DD1 and DD2 I used to bf DD2 while DD1 ate her supper, then both up to bath together and then one of two options - in the early days I would put her in bouncy chair and rock it with my foot while reading stories on DD1's bed, then take DD2 to her cot and pop her in it for 5 / 10 mins while I settled DD1 (DD2 possible crying, possibly not), then back to DD2 to bf and settle; when she was more like 3 or 4 months and more alert I would sit on my double bed feeding DD2 while reading DD1 stories, then DD2 into cot and as before go through and settle DD1 then back to DD2 to settle her down properly (possibly with a bit more feeding).

Basically I felt that DD2 could cope with 5 / 10 mins of fussing and crying while I focused on DD1. She soon started to settle herself really well, I didn't do anything - after a while after stories / feeding on the bed I would literally dump her into cot and take DD1 through and when I went back to DD2 she'd already be asleep.

[QualityTime]

Oh I remember this stage, I had a 20 month gap and it was a nightmare when DH was on a late shift.

I used to give milk early downstairs whiel feeding dd2, then bath them every day (cos it worked with routine, I don't anymore), DD2 got a short bath and fed and dressed on the floor and then fed whiel DD1 splashed.
Then cuddles on DD1's bed or chair in her room witha story while I either fed dd2 or lay her next to us ot listen. DD1 in bed, kiss, leave room and feed dd2 to sleep.

I moved them into the same room at 4 months ebcause it was easier for nighttime and shoved an armchair into the room for night feeds.

This too shall pass.

[Butterpie]

Good God, I have no idea. It is that part of the day that is hardest. They share a room now, so I just kind of muddle along, often with both of them screaming (DD2 very clingy and hates being put in her cot unless she is sleepy or playing, DD1 needs both hands to be free so I can sort her out and often gets daft and suddenly kicks or pushes, so I can't hold/sling DD2 while I do it, DD1 hears baby crying so she starts yelling, I get cross and shout, baby does awful pitiful little shreiks, this is the time of day when DD1 often wets/soils herself, the baby wants endless bf, I'm tired and achy and the house is a tip. Then I can't just sit down and have a brew because after the kids finally go to sleep at 8.30, when DP gets in at 9.15, if I am having a brew he assumes I have been doing nothing all day.

He is changing to 9-5 soon lets see how he copes with bedtime! :D

At the weekend, when DP is home, there is a lovely calm bath, cuddles, long stories, hot chocolate and so on, but that never happens when it's just me. Bath gets done if they are mucky, quick in, splash about, out, then I get them to bed, because my nerves are frazzled!

[Firawla]

i have ds 23 months and 6 months, and dh only around 1 or 2 times per week for bedtime so i made our routine like this:

roughly 5pm dinner
after dinner they can play a bit but start getting ready for bath, i sometimes dim the light a bit to give them the hint that its going to be bedtime
roughly 6pm bath, thats both in @ the same time i just put ds1 in first then put ds2 in and take him out and dried and put him in bouncy chair outside bathroom door while i get ds1 to wash himself then take him out and dry, pyjamas etc
then move them both to living room and put ds2 in pyjamas and sleeping bag (i only put him in nappy & bath robe thing in his chair)
i give ds1 his milk and feed ds2 while we watch in the night garden. once ds2 finished milk i take him and put in bed, ds1 stays in living room watching itng, then i come and get ds1 brush teeth if he has finished milk, and i tidy up a bit in the room while he finishes watching, then when thats finished i tell him chose book and cars to take to bed then go read him stories, and i put story cd when i go out (pingu..), normally he comes straight out though so have to go and put him back in bed
if ds2 cries @ anytime i just nip in his room and pick up then put down again, but luckily he is okay and can put himself to sleep. if he cries its likely he just needs to burp, unless he's ill then he wont settle, but otherwise he's okay can just put him down and then focus on ds1. when ds2 was about 3 months i changed to do it like this, before that was putting ds1 in bed first but i had some problems with him so i felt better to let him go to bed last as being older, and gives him more time to get tired, i find it much better with baby in bed first and toddler 2nd, but depends on their habits i guess

[naptime]

I have much enjoyed this thread as I have a DS (2.9) and a DD (4 months) and I am similarly running between the two of them when doing bed times on my own. Nice to know I'm not the only one! Am also liking the CD story idea

[MumNWLondon]

I have DD - 6, DS - 4 and new baby.

Generally I read to the older DC whilst I breastfeed the baby. Then I put the baby in his cot, he sometimes cries but I wind up the lullaby light box and he has learn to self settle (I guess necessity of being 3rd child). I then deal with the older two brush teeth, toilet. Then I put DS to bed and after than DD reads to me.

[megonthemoon]

Really helpful (if slightly terrifying!) thread for me as I am expecting DC2 in Sept when DS willo be 2.6 and wondering how on earth I'll cope!

[NormalityBites]

I generally just wrap the baby and get on with putting older ones in bed/reading stories etc, most of the time the baby will fall asleep and I can pop her down. If she doesn't or wakes, she can just come back down with us and stay wrapped while I cook and we eat, then go up to bed later.

[beccagrace2]

my 3 dc age 9,6 and 14 wks seem to be in a better routine since the baby was born. i bath the baby at 6.15 while they watch the simpsons, then while i breastfeed her they jump in the bath together at 6.30. She is usually asleep in our bed! by 6.45 then they brush teeth and have stories until 7.15 when i leave them to fall asleep. They are all quiet by 7.30!! i bring the baby down when she wakes for a top up, usually at 9.30 ish and use a crib in the lounge, for her to doze in, until we go up around 11. Although my dd1 is now 9 i find that she needs her sleep as much as ds1, so going to bed early is not a problem. She sometimes says her friends stay up later, but we let her stay up on sat night till 9 as a treat so she is pretty good in the week. For us a bath every night is a must, they settle soooo much better for it, and sleep longer too.
on a downside ds1 is up soon after 5.30 every morn, starving, so dh is up early with him!! (as i usually put them to bed he does mornings!!) the baby also sleeps in with us as (6ft bed) its the ONLY way we get a good 8 hours sleep, i dont mind this really!

[Veteran]

I give DS 4 and DD 2 their bath, dress them both for bed, read them a story and then lights out. 8 week old DD is usually hanging around somewhere upstairs during this, unfortunately she has been left to scream once or twice.

When the older two are in bed I run a bath for the baby, dress her, breastfeed her on my bed and then put her in her nature nest for the night.

[HeadFairy]

Just a little update from me... I let dd take her second nap a bit later today. Normally I try and get her to sleep at around 3, but today I let nature take it's course and she slept at 5 for 45 mins, and at bedtime this evening I read ds his story in his room snuggled up on his bean bag, with dd in her bouncy chair. It didn't take any less time but there was much less screaming. Dh was actually around today, but of course he was watching the footy so about as useful as a chocolate teapot!

Thanks for all the fab tips and advice, I'm definitely going to get ds a cd player and some story cds, he always hates me leaving him when I put him in bed, so I reckon if I put on a story cd and say I'll be back after I've put dd to bed, he'll be asleep long before I get back! He was this evening.

[flowerybeanbag]

DS1 is just 3, DS2 is 7mo. We go up at about 6 - 6.15ish and it goes as follows:

Plonk DS2 on the bathroom floor on a mat while run bath. DS1 is 'helping', going to the toilet etc.

Get DS1 undressed, put him in bath. Undress DS2, put DS2 in bath. Much splashing and hilarity as DS2 tries to drown us all .

Take DS2 out of bath, get him dry and dressed then bung in dummy.

Then get DS1 out, dry and dressed, teeth cleaned etc while DS2 on mat sucking frantically.

Decamp to DS1's room for one story, then DS1 lights out. DS2 and I rush downstairs to find a bottle we prepared earlier at tea time and left in a thermal thingummy, ready to plug into DS2's mouth asap. Feed DS2, then put him in bed, all done by 7.30.

[clemettethedropout]

Two things worked here when my two were younger:

1. Bath and then bf and settle DS whilst DD watched a Charlie and Lola DVD (her most favourite thing at that time). Then story and cuddles for her.
   
2. Bath and then bf and settle DS in his room with DD sat at my feet in the dark drawing on a glodoodle. When DS was asleep we went to her room for story and cuddles.

[14hourstillbedtime]

Um, do none of your babies require HOURS of rocking, then?!

DD (2 months) has to be rocked minimum 45 mins more like one hour - nightmare nights 3 hours before she goes to sleep!!!

Luckily, DH always home at 6:30, so we take it in turns to rock/put DS (3) to bed.

This is the real reason I am such a MN addict, I guess what else am I going to do for hours on end, stare at the wall?!

[madamebovine]

My DS would have liked hours of rocking but it just wasn't possible to be in 2 places at once. Looking back I think it was almost like controlled crying as I'd put him down, see to the toddler then go back in to him. I never would have planned it like that, and was never comfortable leaving him to cry but TBH he is now 7 months and self settles for all naps and sleeps without being fed/rocked to sleep.

[LillianGish]

My ds liked to be rocked. I used to put him down in his rockatot (car seat) and he learned to rock himself to sleep! Once asleep I would transfer him to the cot. When he outgrew the car seat and so had to go straight into the cot he would rock himself against the side of the cot to the cry of "Yay,yay, yay" until he dropped off. I had completely forgotten about this until I saw your post 14hours!

[14hourstillbedtime]

madamebovine believe me she isn't getting the Royal Treatment forever! If it weren't for the fact that DH is home in time to put one child to bed, she would have to be learning to self-settle

LillianGish wish DD would like the bloody swing, then she could be rocked to sleep in four-star comfort, and we could get a damn break - but no, cunning child dislikes anything that isn't a) my boob or b) a carrier or (at a push) c) hours of rocking against my shoulder.

The only thing that has me not slitting my wrists at this stage is that, having an older DS, I know it ends.

Also, that I will consider sleep training when DD older and I reach the end of my limits... Would really have liked to have acquired one of these easy babies I read so much about for my second, but no such luck....

[NormalityBites]

Well I find that if you wrap the baby then the hours of rocking can be accomplished whilst putting the older one to bed quite easily.

[Neeko]

Thanks for this thread. DD1 is 3.8 and DD2 is 12 weeks and this is my most stressful time of day. Thanks for the tips.