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Original poster

how would you 'help' a 9yr old get off to sleep?

27 replies

loves2walk · 16/06/2010 21:23

I am really struggling to know how to help my 9 yr old get off to sleep at night. I think a 9pm bedtime is about right as we all wake up at 645/7am. He wakes up tired, seems tired all day, is really cranky and frankly looks exhausted. But then by 830 ish he gets a 2nd wind, wakes up a bit and can't get himself off to sleep then at 9.

The most I can do is make him lie in his bed reading. At least there is some rest in that. But it can be nearer to 10 when he gets off to sleep, he then wakes up tired and we all suffer!

He has blackout lining on his curtains which do let in some light round the sides, but not much after 9. He has a shower with DS2 at 630/7pm, then he spends an hour reading on sofa or watching TV with me and H - not cartoon wild stuff, more calming Grand Designs or Masterchef! It's a pretty consistent routine so I can't see what can be changed?

OP posts:
cornsilky · 16/06/2010 21:25

9 is a bit late I think. Try putting bedtime forward an hour but don't tell him!

Haliborange · 16/06/2010 21:28

I'd aim to get him into bed reading at 8:15 with lights out at 8:30 and see what happens.
Might his "second wind" be overtiredness?

cornsilky · 16/06/2010 21:30

My 9 year old goes to bed at 8 (usually - tonight he was later but that was due to ds1)He reads for a bit and then has to try to get off to sleep. I give him rescue night sometimes. It's more dificult at this time of year I think 'cos it's hot.

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Original poster
loves2walk · 16/06/2010 21:37

Wow I'm surprised at that! I thought 9pm would be the norm for this age but it could well be that he is going to bed too late.
Thanks, I think I'll try bringing it right back to 815 in bed, lights out at 830.

The thing is he will notice as he has a clock in his room, and he will complain. But atleast I reclaim a bit of my evening!

OP posts:
SUPportblacksENGLand · 16/06/2010 21:42

I did the opposite! Tired of telling my 9yr old Ds to go to bed at 8 then checking on him t=reading for an hour or two i decided to tell him it's up to him when he goes to bed as long as he didn't take the micky...

Caveat - he gets up at 7 and has never slept or needed much sleep since he was a baby .

Anyway - he now seems much less stressed about the whole thing and brushes his teeth and gets himself ready for bed just before he goes to bed (apparently being in PJs for an hour before bedtime like his younger brother was irritating him).

He now tends to read downstairs and goes to bed at about 9ish to read for a bit. So far so good (but only been doing it for 2 weeks). He likes being treated more like a grown up.

Having said that - they've both just got out of bed to watch a hot air balloon land in the field out the back.

ZZZenAgain · 16/06/2010 21:45

don't know what the norm is but I try to get my 9 year old in bed by 8 pm (she is great at faffing about and prolonging it as much as possible) , then reading and lights out at 8.30 if I'm lucky, sometimes 8.45 with the reading.

If he is cranky and tired all day he is obviously not getting enough sleep.

ZZZenAgain · 16/06/2010 21:47

mine is great at not dropping off though and can stay awake a long time after lights out, I really haven't got the whole thing sussed

Original poster
loves2walk · 16/06/2010 21:47

Funny - I think trying this approach has got us into this late bedtime/overtired thing.

He used to go to bed 1 hour after DS2 - who goes at 7pm, so his bedtime was 8. Then he seemed to so enjoy his hour without his little brother around that we thought we'd give him more time with us, make him feel more grown up. And I got really relaxed into only having him up (the quiet,calm one) and enjoying time with him without DS2 (the noisy, bossy one!)
So back to being strict parent.

If your 9yr old isn't tired in the day, SUP then he must be getting enough for him

OP posts:
SUPportblacksENGLand · 16/06/2010 21:50

Yes he's fine, very active and does fine in school. I think he's going to be one of those people who just don't need as much sleep. Although, he does get 9 hours a night if you think about it so not that bad.

DS2 on the other hand often has an afternoon nap at weekends and holidays - even now and he's 7 (bless).

SUPportblacksENGLand · 16/06/2010 21:52

In fact DS1 hasn't really slept or eaten for 9 yrs. He's an awkward sod but seems to thrive on it. Let's put it this way....i'm glad i had them that way round or he would seem like a nightmare as opposed to DS2 seeming like an easy ride .

hairymelons · 16/06/2010 21:53

DS gets a second wind if we miss the window of opportunity at bedtime. He gets really wired when he's tired (as do I actually) and he finds it impossible to wind down once he's like this. It always ends in tears.

Would go for upstairs by 8pm and see if it makes a difference. Also, in our house it's no sugar whatsoever after 5pm- makes a big difference to us.

ZZZenAgain · 16/06/2010 21:54

no sugar after 5? Never thought about that

seeker · 16/06/2010 21:56

I swear by story tapes. Both of mine have been allowed to put a story tape/cd on whenever they want to - my th=eory is that he are lying down in the dark and will eventually drop off, or will at lease get some rest. And they aren't hassling anyone else if they are in bed with David Tennant reading Hiccup stories.

Hassled · 16/06/2010 21:56

COuld you swap the shower for a bath? Baths are more relaxing I think. And make it closer to bedtime - that's too long a lull between bath and bed, and I can see how he'd get a second wind.

3littlefrogs · 16/06/2010 21:58

One hour of winding down time,doing something quiet, then into bed at least half an hour earlier than at present, light off, put a story CD on. There are some really good story CDs around for that age group. Mine absolutely loved the Just William stories and some of the Roald Dahl stories for older kids, like "Danny the champion of the world".

TrinityTrinityTrinity · 16/06/2010 21:59

yes I would try earlier

dd1 is 10 and goes to bed at 7.30

she gets up at 7ish am

fluffles · 16/06/2010 21:59

if he enjoys reading i'd have him go to bed not much after 8 to read.. that way if he's tired he'll fall asleep.

also all the usual - no stimulation, screens etc. for the last couple of hours before bed.

BecauseImWorthIt · 16/06/2010 22:01

Definitely bring his bedtime forward, and go for the bath rather than the shower. What about some hot milk/hot chocolate before bed as well?

seeker · 16/06/2010 22:05

Oh, and absolutely no screen time for an hour before bed - unless the World Cup's on.......

ZZZenAgain · 16/06/2010 22:09

do you sometimes think your dc are scared of missing something really really exciting which they seem to think might happen when they go to sleep? I really think dd wants to stay awake unless she misses anything

but what?

nothing much happens in our house

Original poster
loves2walk · 16/06/2010 22:13

This is all really helpful, many thanks. I love the idea of getting him in bed at 8 even if I spend the next hour checking in on him. Me and H get our evenings back!

I'm not sure whether the 'no sugar' rule would work - DS has a corner-type yoghurt with tea - 630ish, or something like meringues & fruit as pudding - really high in sugar. Maybe I should change that and just have some cheese after tea.

Might go back to baths too (I love the way DS1 will 'properly' play in the bath, make believe stuff with playmobile guys, once they reach 9 they don't do that sort of play so much. All good winding down stuff.

And I love the idea of story CDs - only really used them in the car but we have loads and I could put them on an ipod so he doesn't disturb DS2 who can still be awake himself at 8.

OP posts:
Original poster
loves2walk · 16/06/2010 22:16

Thats funny ZZZen - DS1 said that himself one time a few years ago - complaining that he didn't want to go to bed because he was missing out on all the fun we have.

So we said the next friday night he could stay up and me and H agreed we would have TV off and talk about our work days, read etc.

We made it so boring - he just sat on sofa watching us, then quietly went off to bed and didn't mention it again!

OP posts:
maltesers · 17/06/2010 18:17

My younger DS is 9yrs and goes about 8pm.. . .

He has no problems getting to sleep.

My older son was found it harder to get to sleep like your DS..

They are all different and sometimes its just the way they are made.

Calming music, reading, story or relaxing DVD like the David Attenborough wildlife , or a nice happy childrens animation thats not scary or loud and aggressive.

How about drawing in bed ?

Milk to drink.
Not coke or coloured junk.

laurasarah · 18/06/2010 09:25

Hi Lovetowalk

I had this problem with my 9 year old.

We tried everything because she was so tired and getting herself worked up at not being able to drop off.

Anyway we decided to get lots of books for her to read and told her you decide when you are tired enough but you must stay in your room and read and not keep coming downstairs.

Well its took a while but she seems much better. I think us being relaxed about it has helped her to relax IYKWIM.

Maybe try this but it does take time, I'm talking months but she is so much better now asleep most nights by 10pm.

She is quite a lively little thing though and is always on the go so it could be that your 9 year old is the same and just needs to learn the technique of unwinding.

Good Luck!

Lucyfur · 18/06/2010 09:37

My DS1 is 9, I try to get him and DS2 into be for 7.30-8 (they share a room) DS1 can then read for a bit with a reading light.
We do special late nights for DS1 on a friday and saturday night - but he has to behave for it!!!

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