I am an intelligent person, so why am I so crap at this?

[roslily]

My ds is 9mo. I work full time, and at the moment I struggle with the weekends. I know people how they miss they dc terribly and just want to spend every minute with them at weekends.

I am so fed up at the moment, of getting up at 5/6am, of not being able to sit and watch TV, or drink a cup of tea.

I have no idea what to do with him. I sit with him on floor and we "play" with his toys. I stack his cups, he knocks them down, we bang things to make noise etc. But that is all. Then we move around a bit. I have no idea what else to do. We go out, but there aren't any baby things to do at weekends.

He doesn't like sitting for very long, trying to climb etc, but can't crawl or anything yet. So can't just go for coffee as he just wants to grab my coffee, eat the table, squeal.

I never thought I would be perfect, but thought I would be an alright mum. But I am rubbish. He is being funny about food, so for tea tonight he had cheese, banana and strawberries. Great.

I am so crap at this, and don;t enjoy it at all. Would love it if dh just took him out all day tomorrow. SO selfish.

Sounds like you are doing a great job to me.You are working full time remember that is exhausting alone.You are playing with your ds and feeding him nutritious food.Most children are funny about food at some stage.
I dont see where you are going wrong.
Could your dh help more or organise a family day somewhere?

Don't be so hard on yourself - I am sure it is common amongst parents to feel like you do and I know that I certainly did.

When I went back to work 3 days a week after having DS1, as DS1 got slightly older (probably about 9 mo or so), I felt exactly like you do...I used to dread the 2 days I was at home with him alone sometimes as I just could not keep him entertained as he was so active, would not sit and concentrate on anything for longer than 5 minutes etc.

So, when our circumstances changed and we needed more money, I actually decided to up my working days to 4 days a week without a second thought - I still feel guilty about how easy I found it to put DS1 in nursery for an extra day

Even now, DS1 is nearly 4 and DS2 is 18 months old and I find the 1 day I have at home with them both difficult - weekends are easier as DH is around. I just don't think I am tha great at this parenting lark tbh.

Fwiw, I go to the gym 4/5 times a week - mainly because I actually really enjoy it, am trying to lose weight...but also, it gets me out of the house and away from the DC for a while

I found the baby stage pretty boring if I'm honest.

Once you can have a conversation with him & take him out to more interesting places it'll be easier, I promise.

Meanwhile why are you getting up at such an ungodly hour?

Babies can be bloody boring. You're not rubbish at all - it's that stage where you expect them to do tricks and really, they can't. And 9 months is a frustrating age for babies - they want to do stuff and move but they can't yet. Some people love the baby stage - I have to say I never really did. I've enjoyed the older stages much more with all 4 of mine. So don't see this as being your fault - it's really not.

And don't equate what you describe as crapness with intelligence either - so much of parenting is instinctual, and if it's not an instinct then you just have to fake it. Try and relax - have a laugh with him - soon it will be much more obvious what you do, and soon you won't have to fake it.

Really - lots and lots of people don't know what to do. It gets easier.

9 months is a tricky age. They get frustrated at not being able to get/reach things, they can't tell you what they want and worst of all, seperation anxiety.

I always thoght this would mean that my ds would miss me when I left the room, in reality, it means grumbling/screaming everytime he was put on floor or I stepped away more than an inch.

You are not alone, felt awful to admit that any aspect of ds1 was anything less than perfect or that I didn't enjoy his company all the time. Third child in, I find it much easier to admit

Do you really need to play with babies? Can't you just leave them on a blanket with some toys, while you do something else and chat/do running commentary with them? Maybe you're just not a baby person - just as well they are only a baby for a very limited time!

it might help to understand what type of person you are, i.e. sounds as though you might be quite extrovert so it's difficult not having anyone to 'talk' to. I found it much easier once ds got bigger and became 'interactive'. I was looking forward to going back to work to have proper conversation.

Put him in a sling and go and do what you what to do. Or sit on the sofa next to him and drink tea / watch TV.

Food - if he's eating then it's fine. Don't turn it into a battle - you can't win it!

ok. is your dh with you at the weekends?

fwiw i really don't like staying in for long periods. i have ds and dd who is 4. i'm not a baby person. so i try to get out as much as possible.

maybe try breaking the days up a bit. so you could do something in the morning if your dh does something in the afternoon while the other looks after your ds?

do you visit relatives? for a lot of people that occupies the weekend. they entertain the baby for you you see!

also are you doing things like swimming? what about the park? my ds is nearly 7 months and loves a go in the baby swing.

i see on your profile you're in leeds is that right? i'm just between leeds and bradford, could give you some ideas if you like?

Cheese, bananas and strawberries is a great tea! Cut yourself some slack. Your baby's really not expecting anything from you other than smiles and hugs. You don't have to play with him - just make sure he has things to play with and make encouraging noises.

There is the rather pretentiously named "Smart Start Your Baby" which has loads of excellent suggestions of stimulating activities week by week appropriate to age that will make play more rewarding.

Are you doing child centred but nice family things like going for a picnic, visiting family & friends, out for a pub garden lunch, camping, historical attraction etc. Or maybe dh can get into a routine of taking ds to family swimming, especially if you are getting up with ds early, will give you time to nap or just relax.

Mumblechum- that is when he wakes up. I have tries lots of things, but can't seem to make it later. My mum says I just have to accept that that is when he gets up.

I love the sling, but I can't sit down anywhere as he pulls my hair, grabs my drink, wants whatever I have in my hand!

I even put Cbeebies on this morning, and he was transfixed. I felt so bad- I mean I never thought I would introduce TV so young.

We went to the park today on the swings and to a cafe and a few shops. But then it gets to 4pm, 2 hours to fill and he is grouchy.

If I didn;t have him I would happily spend all day in PJs reading book and sleeping.

Our relatives all live 200miles away, and dh hates the long journey. Dh helps, and has much more get up and go than me. I just want to slouch around and mainly go back to bed.

Sorry, that should say non-child centred - no rule that says you have to do play groups and the like

See, in 20 minutes, you've had 9 different people come on to tell you that it's OK, everyone feels the same and you are not a shit mother.

And they say MN is a nest of vipers

His meal is absolutely fine and I think your DH should take the baby out or let you go out and he have the baby at home. You need a break.

We take turns at having a lie-in at the weekend (well that's on hold for now as we have a newborn, but normally) - one person with the DC, one sleeping until 11ish. Also you can take turns at other times, one person takes the DC, the other can go shopping/pursue hobbies etc - as long as it's a fair split.

Pootling around shopping/at art galleries/etc is more fun for a baby than being at home, they can sit in a buggy and watch the changing scenery. When they're having a nap, you have a lovely coffee and read the paper. Also if that early evening time is a pain (as it often is with babies) be out and about until the last minute.

It sounds as if he wants stuff to play with - could you get one of those activity station thingies he could sit in and amuse himself with for a while when you want to get stuff done or sit and watch the news with a coffee?

btw you don't have to enjoy every second of having a baby - and there was nothing wrong with that tea!

hang in there it gets so much better once they reach about 18 months and although that sounds like a long time it will fly past !!! my mum once told me she didnt like me or my sister as babies (loved us obviously but didnt enjoy that stage) but really enjoyed it once we could talk. think i am exactly the same and know quite a few other mums who agree.

roslily - my DS is a wee bit younger than yours (8.5 mo), but we have similar issues - I work M-F, so ever so slightly dread the weekends with him. We've started taking him swimming on a sunday - just to the local council pool. It is great fun, and we take it in turns to play with him whilst the other one has a swim.

today we went to a garden centre near us that has a small animal section - he was transfixed by the chickens for a good 30 minutes or so, and we had lunch in the cafe too, which he seemed to enjoy - spent more time people watching than eating, but was quite happy! Other weeks, we've gone to a local small zoo, taken him to the park, sat in the garden on a rug with him watching him prat about.

DP and I take turns at having a lie in, as I am finding the daily commute/work/commute/get dinner/clear up after dinner/sterilise pump and bottles/feed baby/bath baby/bed baby etc etc etc absolutely exhausting. It's my turn tomorrow and I cannot wait! I read a lot whilst he naps too, or whilst feeding him, although he's started trying to rip the book from my hands if I don't give him my FULL attention.

Some people 'do' small babies some dont.

You are probably the sort of mum that once he walks and talks you will do loads of stuff together swimming etc.

Your working all week and trying to be supermum.

it cant be done.

trust me i tried too.

His tea sounds fine .

Blimey - no wonder you find it hard work. Working full time is tiring without the early starts to every day and full-on weekends.

I remember felling so pleased that I could return to work when ds1 was 11 months old. I (only) work 3 days a week, but remember the phase before ds1 could crawl, walk or talk being one of the most difficult.

I tried my best to entertain him with what I thought were appropriate things, but would run out of ideas way before the day was done!

The last couple of hours before bed were draining. He would sleep much better if he hadn't slept to late in the afternoon, but I was sorely tempted just to let him sleep just to get some peace!

Things do get easier as they learn to move independently and communicate more easily. IMO they get more fun as they get older - well, ds1 is 4 1/2 now and he's brilliant. Even ds2 who is just 2 is much easier than he used to be!

Hang in there. It sounds like you're doing a great job. xx

oh, and as for food - all DS will eat at the moment is cheese and beetroot. it makes meal times (and nappies) interesting...

Stop beating yourself up!!!!!!!!!! You are not rubbish at it.

I am a mum of four, childminding five and STILL learning.

Each of my kids have all been so different as babies.

Its not easy working full time and having to get up so early at the weekend.

Is your baby waking up early because he slept late during the day or is he teething?

Have you got any family or friends who will give an helping hand?

Everything will be alright. Babies dont stay babies for long. My baby is five now. He was standing on a stool this evening washing the dishes. He wanted to do it.

Try to enjoy this stage as he will be running around soon.

All the best......

My dd is 2.5 now, and with hindsight I wish I'd done more for me when she was that age. If I knew then what I knew now, blah blah...at that age they have no idea if they are at baby classes or up the woods or in a shopping centre - I felt it was somehow wrong to e.g. take dd clothes shopping (for myself!) but now I think why not!!
If I could go back, I would do more "adult" stuff and just take my baby along with me in a sling! I sat for ages interacting with her on her playmat etc - waste of time as far as I can see!

yes with dd i did lots of sitting on the floor 'interacting' but this time round ds just comes along with our normal stuff.

he sat up by himself the other day for the first time properly for a long period of time playing with toys. and i did think to myself, wow i didn't even 'teach' him that like i did with dd

Don't worry, you are doing fine. It's actually almost harder when you are working as you tend to have less of a 'baby network' and you have less of a routine.

Tea sounds fine, don't worry about that at all. Babies can be boring. I'm trying to thing what I did at that age but I think I've actually just blanked it out!

What the hell is wrong with wanting DH to take him out all day - I wish that quite regularly That's not selfish. It's preserving your sanity.

Is your DH around at weekends too? Can you take it in turns for a break. It's not unreasonable to want a break, you work FT then have your other FT job of being a mum - it's exhausting!

pretty much what everyone else has said - DS is 10 months and just started crawling and we had a shit 6 weeks of frustrated whinging just before when he really wanted to move. now he chases a ball around the floor for at least the time it takes to drink tea! Try singing songs that go on forever that you don't have to think about (10 green bottles, ten in the bed etc). that keeps DS quiet and happy for ages. you are not rubbish - I crave time on my own (don't work at the moment but will be soon). Do try and get your DH to take him away for a few hours or even overnight it possible - total bliss!