My 9 year old says I do have to jusitify my desicions to him

[FabIsGettingFit]

The fuck I do .

ib get this too.....it gets no easier does it!!

Take it as a good sign that you have a bright lad who's maturing.

And enjoy it. in 6 years, if he's anything like mine, you'll be having arguments about the justifications behind the cold war while on the way to school and all you really want to do is listen to the weather.

I like that he isn't too scared to speak to me (like I was) but I have had enough of being a mum tbh and have seriously considered other options today. For their sake. I am not up to this.

Chin up old bean, your children and you will be absolutely fine but you've got to relax.

You'll look back on today and wonder why you felt so bad. Your lad is learning to have an enquiring mind, and that adults don't have all the answers, the control and he's forming his own opinions which is exactly what's supposed to happen.

why would you NOT justify your decisions to somebody who wanted to know, though? if the decisions affected them?

i mean if it is some stranger in the street asking why on earth you insist on carrying your baby in a sling or some crap like that, you can tell THEM where to go

but a member of your family, asking for your reasons about something that presumably is a decision about them? what's not to like? how can they learn about your ethics / beliefs etc if you don't explain why you live your life the way you do? how can they learn to make decisions and carry them out without an example to follow?

fab,you are up for it.....but fwiw i have felt this way today too

5 dc on my own is too much sometimes....today just felt like last straw,but i'm ok now. had a kickabout,put up some flags and i feel better! i feel sad they have no dads around to share the football with

Zackly, Couple.

Mumblechum (blubs)

How can I discipline without punishing them as they do do things that I can't allow. DD threw those roll magnet Dr who game things at ds2 today and he now has a bruise above his eye in time for his birthday tmw. She could have blinded him if it had been an inch lower.

what other options are there for you to consider?

Missed your post couple.

He asked if he could watch Dr Who. DH said no. DS1 asked why. We had already told him but he kept on so I said I didn't have to justify our decisions and he said I did.

I guess I got this one wrong as well . Why won't anyone believe I am rubbish at this.

which bit are you rubbish at?

Fab, parenting is bloody tough, but in this instance, could you "pretend" to be listening, ie. your reply could be "oh yes, you are so right my son!" then forget it. Move on to a lighter subject.

Sometimes youngsters want to make heavy weather out of things, then that subject is forgotten next week, and onto the next aggrivation.

What I am saying it, you don't need to be drawn into this conversation.

That sounds like a plan, twoisplenty.

Should be a happy evening. decorating the room for ds2's birthday tmw once the kids are asleep and making his cake but I have a head ache, the kids are upstairs and dh is stressed.

Sounds like my 7 year old.

Where did i go wrong? WHY will she never, ever just trust my judgment or respect my wishes?!

Coupleofkooks, sometimes there are things you don't want to go into, like that too much cordial / aspartame is carcinogenic, and what cancer is, and why I don't want such and such a child over on a play date because i owe play dates to other children first and besides that child's mother blanks me, and not to dance on the pavement because you could dance on to the road and be hit by a car.... I could go on and on. I always have reasons but sometimes justifying my decisions to a 7 year old is a little intense, for her. I have resorted to this tactic a few times. But I shouldn't have to! She accepts my answer finally but is usually a bit more depressed than she was 2 minutes beforehand.

Fab, my counsellor was trying to turn my thinking round, when I said I had been a crap parent to my ds. She said I never had to be a perfect parent. But I had been good enough. Think about it. Yeah, I had been good enough, I couldn't have changed any of it. Same for you. Your dc are not expecting perfection. They love you for being you.

I am going to google parenting courses.

you aren't rubbish at all. you did give him a reason, you didn't refuse to offer justification you simply refused to repeat it to ease his tanturm.

You are not shit at this. you struggle through the same way all of us do. there will be occasions where you cold have handled things better and others when you did what we all wish we could have.

there is no rule book to parenting. i have yet to meet a perfect parent.

you are doing a very difficult job and you are doing it well.

stop beating yourself up for not being fantastic and take pride in the fact that you "only" great.

It is worth explaining to children but you don't have to go in-depth if it's not appropriate. If he questions it give exactly the same reply word for word.

FAB - if you want a parenting course then i facilitate the webster stratton courses. (well i used to and am about to start again)

it is a great book and very positive.

HERE

No no no no no. Not parenting courses. You need confidence. You can do it! You need confidence that you are fine. You could find a course in confidence building. To believe in yourself.

If you need a course in parenting, then we all do!

You should see my parenting sometimes, well, maybe not! I have been on MN for hours now, feeling a bit rubbish today. But the children are ok. They won't remember one day where I was not around for a few hours.

Just emailed someone who will work with me one to one.

Dh is getting fed up with me .

Just re-read my post - just to add, my dh is around and looking out for the children, they are in the garden...it sounded like I've abandoned them somewhere...

I got fed up with my DD questioning every no she got, I always give a reason first time. But i think her thinking is I'm fobbing her off so if she keeps on she might catch me out IYSWIM.

Now, if there's a no, I very pointedly say "XXX is my reason, do you understand?" When she says yes, I then say "good, so I won't need to keep telling you every tim you ask, ok?"

This seems to have stopped the continous pestering although not completely. It sounds harsh, I say it in a non-stroppy, calm way.

We all have bad times - hope you have a lovely birthday party tomorrow with DS2.

I think it's good that they question you because I do not want my children to blindly follow everything said to them by adults, it could be dangerous.
However mine also know we do not operate a democracy and at some point I have the final say over every decision and if they back chat after they've put forward their case and an answer has been given I shall beat them with a stick ignore them.