Apparently I am not a lovely mummy. I am not kind. I am cruel and neglectful and dd1 wishes she had another mummy....

[ShinyAndNew]

She has been sent to her room for 'tapping' her sister on the hand. I do not hit. I do not expect dd1 to either.

Dd1 now says she wishes to leave home. If I don't let her come back downstairs, she is 'telling of me'.

She is already not allowed to play out with her friend or have her friend in here, because of her behaviour last night and this morning.

She is utterly wilful and has no respect for me.

I have had enough. How do I get her to take me seriously? She had to be carried upstairs btw, because she refused to go to her room when I asked her to, because she 'doesn't have to do what I say'

Right - am guessing she is between 3 and 6

Do not panic. She is testing you - this is normal. She has found her voice and feels a little more powerful than when she was little - so she's pushing the boundaries.
She may remind you of a teenager but she won't carry on like this if you keep firm

But do give her choices about things when you cab. Do go up and talk to her in a bit - listen to her - try not to lecture (been there), and then forgive and forget

can - not cab

I am also the worst mummy in the world, and my DS1 would have been much better if he lived with his best friend. I also "treat him like a slave" at times

... just saw bit about playing out - so is she 6 ? Both my DSs went through a rude phase at 6

Yes, she is 6. She has come down to apologise to dd2 now.

My 5 yr old is leaving home soon to live with his friend. Apparently his mummy is lovely. In fact she sounds so lovely I might pack my bags and go and live with her.

The only thing that works in our house for discipline is removal of fav items for a few days and a chat when calmer.

yes - check the little sister angle. DS2 know how to wind up DS1

She said she didn't want to go upstairs because she hadn't done anything wrong. She had 'only' tapped dd2 and not hurt her. Dd2 was hysterical, saying that dd1 had 'grabbed' her.

She 'tapped' her because she was unravelling a roll of wrapping paper they had found. She said she didn't shout me to stop because I was in the kitchen and wouldn't hear.

She has already been warned, several times over that it is not her job to punish dd2. If she thinks she is doing something she shouldn't be doing she is to come and tell me or DH to deal with it.

This mornings behaviour was because I asked her to get dressed before breakfast, which is what we do every morning, but according to dd1 it's cruel to make her get dressed before breakfast and it's not what her friends do. She takes that bloody long eating her breakfast, that if I left her to get dressed after she had eaten it, we would still be sat in our night clothes at lunchtime.

She gets dressed for school and the time she had left is spent eating or refusing to eat, depending upon what mood she was in. This morning she refused to eat. Refused to wear the knickers I gave her because they were the wrong colour and spent all morning answering back and I had had to ask her to get dressed about 6 times, before I gave up and had to supervise her getting dressed, telling her which item of clothing to put on next.

So, did you not see what happened for yourself? Just watch that the younger one's not telling porkies - DS2 is, sadly not above lying ....(DS1 unable to lie)

I have noticed my 7 year old tries to engage me in a debate
and he answers back, so before you know it we a squabbling. I find what works with his is to take the wind out of his sails, and say - OK then, don't get dressed

Also, recently read Playful Parenting - helps with ways to get round confrontations. The author's not strong on sibling stuff though (you can tell he only has one child)

Why couldn't she choose her own knickers?

I don't know lifeinagoldfishbowl. She was refusing to get dressed completely, so I got her clothes out for her. She could have easily gotten another pair out, but chose to cause a fuss about instead.

.. or you chose to escalate it .. .. Sorry - I don't mean to criticise - Go knows I get bloody furious in the mornings. But I think recurrent problems in a particular are mean we have to change tack.

What about trying a ktchen timer? - challenge her to get dressed by a particular time - if she's the competitive sort

area - not are

Also, maybe she's telling you she wants you attention - she actually wanted you to supervise her? Is she jealous of her sister? Is sister at home while she's at school? Maybe she wants to be babied a bit? Sometimes a tiny bit of attention at the right time can stop things getting bigger

Just some ideas

< makes mental note to follow own advice >

She's being very normal for her age. It's nice that she noticed what her sister was doing and thought to try to stop her.

Well dd2 who is rising 4 told me that she wasn't my daughter anymore earlier today (PMSL!)

And that I was a "stupid Mummy" (Not so funny - she missed out on a trip to the park for that one, as it was said in anger and stroppiness)

Girls, IMO, are stroppy little things (but I can identify )

My friend is going though exactly this with her 5 year old daughter at the moment. It's easier for me to be able to step back and see the bigger picture because I'm not living through it.

Your daughter is definitely pushing the boundaries and as another poster said it is a classic age for it. She needs you to stand firm and keep to those boundaries. Don't shout but speak quietly and calmly, be firm and fair but above all consistent. I know how hard it is but don't lose your rag.

As much as possible while going through this phase give her lots of positive attention. Cuddle her when you watch TV or read together. Play games with her. Tickle and chase her. Listen to her. I know it's hard when they're being horrid to you at other times. But stand firm when she does act up or is disrespectful to you. It's all a phase- this too will pass.

I too have a 5 year old dd and I'm going through the same thing.

We don't smack,she is completely unmaterialistic and doesn't like TV.I'm really struggling with punishments for attitude at the moment as a result. The only thing that works is no playing outside after school but I feel that's a bit strong every time for disrespectful eye rolling and tutting,maybe not????? I feel she's too old for the step now,any tips anybody????

I have 6 year old twin boys-didn't have any of this last year.5 year old girls do seem to like drama don't they

I don't think sanctions and punishments and time outs and all that stuff help. Just deal with whatever it is at the time eg "don't hit your sister's hand, you know to come and tell me, huh?" wait for the slightly guilty nod, and then move on. Also a bit of understanding works wonders, eg, "I know she seems like a pain, but you are bigger and more sensible and need to x,y and z."

Sending them to rooms and cancelling playdates and all that stuff just makes it all such a big deal and dramatic and sets up more confrontations.

If she doesn't want to get dressed before breakfast, put her in the car/take her out half dressed (with smiles and jollity and clothes in a bag)and let her dress en route. She'll soon get dressed.

This morning was better, but I have just heard from my mum that she is behaving the same for relatives. So at least I know it's not just me, she won't listen to.

She slammed a bedroom door in her gran's face after being told to come out of the bedroom because there was clean washing on the bed, waiting to be put away

I didn't really cause a fuss about the pants at first, I just told her to go and get another pair. But she was determined for a fight it would seem. I must admit she did get one in the end

If I'd just left her to it, she would have gone to school knickerless. I can't let her go to school with no pants on can I?

In Unconditional Parenting (I seem to be referring to this a lot in my posts these days, so apologies for overdoing it) the author said that they had an issue with getting dressed in the morning. So they sat down to discuss how they could get around this. His daughter said that if she could get dressed the night before and sleep in her clothes that would solve the problem!! That's what they did and she was then happy that she had a say in how to resolve it!

I remember DD1 once writing to Father Christmas asking for a new Mummy who didn't make her tidy her room and eat vegetables. Don't worry this stage is normal and will pass.

we had ebay up for ds last night looking for new parents........his request btw.

I am mean and he hates us both.

Okayyy then.....
asked should we send him before his birthday or after only i needed to know if i should bother saving up to buy him a nice present or not...he said he would like to go to new parents after his birthday thank you very much....

Tucked him in at bedtime and asked if he really wanted new parent as i dint want him to go to ebay...he said " alright then, i will stay" like he was doing us a HUGE favour LOL!

Went through the usual...5 things that have made me smile, laugh or proud of him today and asked him to think of some thing nice we had done for him today...he genuinely couldnt think of anyhting.
Little shit

Similar here. Ds1(6) has ground me down so that my love for him has totally evapourated.
parenting classes haven't helped because they didn't teach me anything i didn't already know. and that i wasn't already practicing. spoke to his headmistress this morning. she was horrified. because he is good as gold at school.
you have my sympathies. keep on going. am sure it will get better, for both of us.

My ds (nearly 5) went through a stage about 6 months ago of shouting

"You can't tell me how to live my life!"

very loudly every time I asked him to do something he disagreed with.

I threatened to tell Father Christmas - nothing.

I pretended to phone Father Christmas (actually a friend of a friend)- result!

Now I just use the witty retort - actually, yes, I can tell you how to live your life. That's my job as your mummy.

Roll on those teenage years...(sobs quietly)