If there was one single piece of advice you could give to a parent to prvent then f***ing their child(ren) up...

[MrsSeanBean]

what would it be?

Be consistent. Whatever you decide you're going to do - no milk after teethbrushing or chocolate on Fridays or whatever, stick with it. If you change your mind every week or can't be bothered to enforce what seemed like a really important rule last week, then it's very confusing and unsettling for them

Love them
Care for them
Care about them - and let them know you do
Delight in their achievments
Respect them

Totally agree with 14hourstillbedtime we worry about all the detail, about doing the very best and getting it all right - really a happy, doing well enough parent does just fine. There are so many kids that don't get the basics and no one really gives a shit if they were breast or bottle fed or how long their naps were do they?

Actually another thing that I don't think anyone has said. Enjoy them for who they are right now. I think we spend so much time as parents waiting for our children to reach the next stage, worrying that they can't do this or that yet, that sometimes we don't appreciate them for who they are in the moment. Not sure that not doing that will fuck your children up, but I think it makes the whole parenting business a lot more pleasurable

at Kif

My serious one would be to make sure your expectations are reasonable. Would an average 2yo really understand a lengthy instruction, or would an average 5yo be capable of following you round the shops for two hours without getting extremely bored and fed up?

Lower expectations = you are pleasantly surprised when things do go well rather than constantly irritated by your child's lack of perfection.

Love and respect them, listen to them and let them know they matter. Have fun and laugh together.

And more specifically (regarding what f*ed me up!) - don't place emotional burdens on children for looking after your or their siblings' emotional needs - don't be childish and needy and have your child be the "parent". Be strong and responsible.

Don't insist they eat everything on their plate.
(There are more important ones but this is one I feel strongly about!)

Oh big yes to that too Jaynie! I hate seeing parents do that. How would we feel as adults if someone insisted we ate when we didn't want to? Awful.

My Mum used to say it to me aaaallll the time - I now find it really hard to leave food even when I'm full.

I agree with MarineIguana-you are the adult and you are special -you are not best friend-you can say 'no'! (they can get lots of best friends over the years-they only get one mum)

I think it is important to respond to the DC you have and not the one that you would have liked. e.g. you may want to have your DC centre stage in the school play but you have to accept that your DC may want to hide on the back line of the chorus, you may hope for a wonderful tennis player or allround sports person and have an uncoordinated DC who would rather have their head in a book. You may have decided that they will have a glittering career-sailing through school and on to the best university, but they may want to be a landscape gardener or hairdresser. You may be very demonstrative and have a DC who is self contained and reserved.You may be a vegetarian but your DC may not only want to eat meat, but want to be a chef, cooking it everyday. I could go on and on. You have to support the DC that you have and not make them feel that it is second best-it all goes into the unconditional love.

Either/both parents are with them for the first two years of their lives (will run and hide now)

ladies - jaynie B and helmet i think there you are in 'matter of opinion' territory...

Set boundries and stick to them especially for teenagers.
They will respect you for it. One day!

What a shame this lovely positive thread had to be downgraded into an attacking a WOHP one

14hourstillbedtime covered that one earlier LadyBiscuit-it is how you are with your DCs and not what you do. Someone can have their DC attached to them for the first 2 years, breastfeeding, co sleeping etc-they can still be a lousy parent.Someone can go out to work and be a wonderful parent. The fierce debates that go on are largely immaterial.

Be patient, and listen.

I know she did - shame helmethead didn't notice

Love the child you have is a really good piece of advice pices . I can't remember who said this but it sticks in my mind:

You should enjoy your children not want them to make you proud (or worry that they will disappoint you).

That is a good one to remember scattyspice. I think that if you have a particular ambition for them then you can go and do it yourself and not expect them to do it for you, unless they want to. Parental expectations cause a lot of stress and problems-unless your DC is like you and thrives on your expectations.
They are all different-even in the same family. Never compare is another good one.