If there was one single piece of advice you could give to a parent to prvent then f***ing their child(ren) up...

[MrsSeanBean]

what would it be?

if you have had a troubled upbringing or had some traumatic even in your childhood, seek help and get counselling prior to having children.

no matter how much you tell yourself you are ok, that you have dealt with it, you wont have and it WILL fuck up your children one way or another

Be kind to them and remember how it felt to be small yourself. But don't be so kind that they think they can do anything they like without consequences. Having said that, mine's only three so I'm still learning.

Remember, when you are old, they choose the care home.

Tell them often that they are wonderful and you love them.

But

Don't be afraid to tell them "no" (and stick to it) when you need to.

Remember that you can only be 'good enough' but do it with love.

Don't ever leave / abandon / reject them.

Give them space, don't be too controlling or dominating.

This goes from birth.

Give them plenty of space, right from the beginning.

Don't push initially - find out what they can do easily and naturally, and then invest in helping them with the things that are a bit harder in a discreet and supportive way.

Battles are rarely productive.

Don't criticise their other parent to them or in front of them even if they are only tiny and you think they don't understand.

I agree with the respect them thing ie allow them their opinions/feelings as another person, not a subordinate but that's been said so...

Every now and then just try to imagine the world from their pov and temper your reactions accordingly.

love them and show it.

everything else is a matter of opinion.

When i think of all the grievously fucked up people i have met, their parents could not possibly have loved them enough (not to, say, abandon them, abuse them or allow them to be abused.)

of course this isn't going to stop me arguing about the nitty gritty....

Actively teach them relationship skills

I work with lots of fecked up kids and I would say that the best thing you can do for them is teach them how to express their anger/sadness/loss/despair as well as thier love/happiness etc in a manner that is socially acceptable and non risky to them.

1. Unconditional love.
2. Give security i.e. consistency and boundries.
3. Treat them with respect and insist that they do the same.

4.Listen to them-always keep the lines of communication open.

1. Accept that they are entitled to their own thoughts-there is no reason why they should follow your beliefs merely because you gave birth. Do not map out their life and live through them.
2. Give them your time, rather than money, but also let them be bored and learn to use their imaginations and amuse themselves-they need a balance between the two.

7.Do not over control - make independence a natural progression.

1. Do not take yourself too seriously and have fun!

what pisces said

Don't bugger off and leave them without a backward glance.

Love them demonstrably

Cherish them

Let them know that you will be there always

Don't ever ever tell them that you wish they had never been born, andt hat your life would be better without them

Don't force them to eat things they dislike.

Get to know them

Oh, and do not hit them ever or humiliate them

Give your children

• Confidence to question and explore
• Boundaries to feel safe and secure
• Love that you tell them about every day
• A good role model in yourself

I know that's too many but couldn't choose one over the others

Let them help at home from an early age so they are confident with learning new things.

Good parenting is in how you be with you children, and not in what you do....

All the debates about sleep training/breast feeding/working or not... it's largely immaterial, IMO - you can be a terrible, horrible parent who never sleep trains, exclusively breastfeeds and stays at home full time (I know one of these...) and a wonderful parent who had an elective cesarean, formula feeds and sleep trains from a young age.... (I know one of these, too)

And no, neither of them is me

A good point 14hourstillbedtime-people spend hours debating them and it is largely immaterial.

teach them how to be kind, respect other people and good manners thrugh your own behaviour

don't swear at them too much